To not even think to wave my y6 off for camp?

[AnonMama87]

DD10 had her first residential trip last week. She went into school as normal. I gave her a big hug and helped her get her case inside, told her I love her etc and waved her in.

According to the itinerary the coach left about 10am. There was no mention of parents.

I picked her up outside the school yesterday when the coach got back, and I overheard lots of other parents talking about how they'd been there on Monday to wave them off! The thought had never even occurred to me.

I feel guilty that she was watching all these other parents wave their class off and I wasn't there.

It was a big deal for her. She's autistic and I wasn't sure she'd cope with camp but she was a superstar!

She says she didn't mind. I would usually be at work but I had actually taken the morning off to take her in the car (dad doesn't drive) .. so I felt especially bad.

So, AIBU for this to never have crossed my mind?!

My school purposefully try to avoid parents finding out what time the coach leaves for residential. Some parents have nothing better to do though and will hang around outside the school for as long as it takes. I work in the primary school my children went to and even I did not go out to say bye (I glanced out the classroom to check they were there with all their bags but made sure I was out of sight!).

I'd imagine it's more for the parents than the kids (who by that stage are already happily seated next to their friends, ready for the adventure, bouncing with excitement...parents the last thing on their minds!) I'm pretty sure the kids barely clocked their parents there, let alone who wasn't there! X

At our primary it was the done thing to wave them off. Many parents were in tears, but I could not wipe the smile off my face at having a few days break from my boisterous twins. Don’t beat yourself up!

Threads like this always bring out the superior “oh i never did all that nonsense” and the “people wailing and crying” myth/trope.

My mum would undoubtedly be here saying the same thing. Thinking she was better than all those other parents. What I experienced was a mother who just didn’t bother. School trips, school plays, school concerts - never came. There was always something that was more of a priority. She always claimed I didn’t need her there. She was right to a point, that I didn’t, but I certainly wanted her at some stuff. Her showing some interest in my life would have been lovely. As an adult that pattern has continued and to be honest, I tend not to prioritise visiting her now. She always seems to have something very important she needs to do whilst my husband/daughter sit in the living room talking amongst ourselves.

This is a totally different situation from @AnonMama87though. This is about not being aware of a protocol, or a tradition and wondering how that looked to her daughter. All that matters is, was her daughter ok with her not being there? She wasn’t bothered so there isn’t a problem. For future trips, she can ask her what she would prefer and take the lead from her. I don’t know why it’s so important that parents who chose to do this for their children are mocked for doing so, but that’s Mumsnet for you.