Partner is a very kind but I feel drained

[Gretafamily]

I’m not sure if I need a head wobble or if my feelings are valid.
I’m 39 and met my partner in January on a dating app. He is very kind, great communicator, generous etc but I struggle because he moans about his job and life but does absolutely nothing about it. He never suggests things for us to do. I suggest them. He is just so passive. I don’t mind passivity if someone is laidback but he isn’t happy with things! He just doesn’t do anything and I'm
starting to lose respect for him. He lives with his parents because it’s easier for childcare for him and he lives rent free so he is able to pay for training, new skills, anything!
I’m self employed and I have to work where I can as I have to do school runs. All my family are over half hour drive away on the motorway so I said I couldn’t see him one night as I had a deadline. He said he can come over and just potter. Potter?! My nan potters!!! I swear I just dried up when he said.
AIBU that I feel like he isn’t the person for me or am I too fussy??

Yes and if you"re using it in front of him OP that might be contributing to his ideas about moving in! A boyfriend can be any age, my 80 year old aunt had a boyfriend.

How do you know the parents haven't offered? How do you know they don't want to look after their grandchild?
So many assumptions.
At least he sees his child and isn't a deadbeat dad and has a good relationship with his parents

Would it be better if they were estranged and also he didn't see his child at all?

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went back on the dating scene after my divorce. I wasn’t expecting ‘big exciting love’. I’d hoped to meet someone I got along with and enjoyed their company. I was messed about a lot (arranging dates and cancelled last minute). Met a few duds. Met one guy I think could have really liked but he still lived with his ex and was not ready for dating. Then I met someone..we have loads in common and fancy the pants off each other! 😁 4 years on I’m still mad about him. However, we both have DC and don’t plan to move in together for a while yet.
You’re right to ditch this guy. My friend was married to a guy like this (lack of motivation) and it drove her mad in the end. You want someone who is motivated, not a passenger in your life! He definitely expects you to pick up where his Mum leaves off too.
Honestly, sometimes no relationship is better than a crap relationship but there are a few good blokes out there! Stay single til you meet one.

Love being single. Adult son living at home - he pulls his weight and off travelling soon.

Fact is, housing has become unaffordable, rents too.
No wonder everone has moved back to the family home, unless lucky with a high-paying job....

Good to see the youth in Europe take to the streets about this - and sad that violence and rioting has taken over.

Oh he's thought it through OP. You'll be picking up the slack. All of this would be a big nope for me.

If he doesn't spend time with his children in his time with them, he's still a deadbeat dad, and it really doesn't sound like he does things with his children.

Second he doesn't necessarily have a good relationship with his parents. Maybe they are just bad at telling him no. Maybe they worried that if they didn't let him move in they'd never see their grandchildren again.

I can't imagine that his mum is happy about having to cook, clean and do laundry for three extra people half of her time while her useless son has regressed into childhood again and doesn't lift a finger. We don't know if he even shows his parents appreciation for all that they are doing for him or if he even speaks to them nicely.

What do you know about this as other cultures the parents have adult children staying as long as they look after the house pay bills etc.Having a house makes it okay does it. The man should take responsibilty and not rely on parents so much

Lots of assumptions here....