Partner is a very kind but I feel drained

[Gretafamily]

I’m not sure if I need a head wobble or if my feelings are valid.
I’m 39 and met my partner in January on a dating app. He is very kind, great communicator, generous etc but I struggle because he moans about his job and life but does absolutely nothing about it. He never suggests things for us to do. I suggest them. He is just so passive. I don’t mind passivity if someone is laidback but he isn’t happy with things! He just doesn’t do anything and I'm
starting to lose respect for him. He lives with his parents because it’s easier for childcare for him and he lives rent free so he is able to pay for training, new skills, anything!
I’m self employed and I have to work where I can as I have to do school runs. All my family are over half hour drive away on the motorway so I said I couldn’t see him one night as I had a deadline. He said he can come over and just potter. Potter?! My nan potters!!! I swear I just dried up when he said.
AIBU that I feel like he isn’t the person for me or am I too fussy??

He’s not the one for you .

If you let him move in “familiarity breeds contempt” and resentment will fester even more.

If he’s passive now, he’ll be even worse if you live together!!

Ditch him and find a chap who matches your energy.

He's almost 40. If I meet a prospective partner at this age I'm expecting them to have their shit together already. If they haven't, that in itself is a red flag for me. I'm not here to "fix you".

Yes I did ask this!! He said she wasn’t abusive to his child but who knows??
When we met I thought great dad with 50/50 custody but now I’m not so sure.

I wouldn’t judge a woman living with her parents as she works shifts and the parents do school runs. If you’ve got parents kind enough to offer it’s much nicer for the child than wraparound school clubs. The rest is a no though.

Don't let him move in OP. I'm talking from experience. So many red flags.

And he always leaves the toilet seat up 😡

Yeah, tbh I would move in with my mum for childcare but I would pay rent and would do a decent chunk of the housework.

What is wrong with the word boyfriend? Don't you want one? It's nice to go for nice dinners and a nice shag. Everything else just turns into drama and inconvenience. Your DD is right!

You don’t love him and you aren’t compatible. It’s frankly quite weird that you’re having to ask if it’s OK to dump him. He doesn’t make you happy and you’ve got completely different values.

Why the fuck would you ‘take whatever’s going’?!

Out of interest, why did his marriage/relationship break down?

Op be very sure this guy is a parasite he uses his own parents doesn't pay his way ,leaves school runs to his parents.
Complains about his job does nothing about it yet doesn't pay zip to his parents as he saves money for retraining etc that doesn't happen.
Now I'd bet he'd like to move in with you the job he hates would end up a distant memory and he'd be full of airy fairy ideas of what he was going to do next.
You'd end up doing it all ditch this loser he's 100%at it.
You're not being silly dumping him
You'd be silly letting him move in.
He's 100% parasite.

No, he sounds awful. I couldn’t deal with the moaning and negativity. Of course he wants to move in with you. You’ll then be doing the childcare.

This ☝️ 💯

If he moved in, he may well decide to leave his job to 'pursue his passion' and become an entrepreneur freeloading twat and leave you to pay for everything, as well as look after his DC.
Are you willing to risk that?

Nope. 👎
He lives rent free, contributes nothing and gets his parents to sort out his DC.
He will expect the same from you.
This is not grown up behaviour.
His willy just isn't worth it. 🤢
LTB.
@Gretafamily

I wasn’t sure if at this age and a single parent, I have to take whatever is going.

Your standards were already on the floor, but for this bloke you've bought a shovel.

Being single isn't like death or something, you don't have to accept someone you despise rather than stay on your own. In fact, without meaning to offend but just offering a different perspective, if you don't break up with him you're kind of being like him complaining about him but doing nothing about it. Definitely don't let him stay at yours when you're not there Jesus....he probably wants to go through your mail and documents to make sure of how much money you have and what's your ins and outs.

In the bin

Of course he wants to live with you so
you can take over looking after him, washing, cleaning, looking after his child etc.

He may ge a nice guy, but he’s not an independent adult. Hes basically drifting. Ifs he living rent free, why isn’t he saving to buy a house and become independent again, near his parents if they deal with childcare? What’s his long term
plans?

you’ve got the ick. Listen to it.

Yes you can bet he’s not doing any of that 😙

Probably so he doesn’t pay any money, and it seems the child’s grandparents do the caring.

A whiny loser who lives with his parents? Girl what are you doing??

Of course he wants to see you every day…looking after his kids and doing his washing.

This sort of man will see you drown before they lift a finger. He’d disrupt his kids life to have sex, cleaner and a nanny on tap and again when you inevitably send him packing.

I’d bet my bottom dollar his ‘very abusive’ ex wife was his interpretation of her telling him to buck his ideas up.

Sounds like a giant wet blanket. Highly unattractive in a man.
And tbh, OP isn’t much better. Buck your ideas up, get some standards and get rid.

I see what you mean, however, partner suggests cohabitation and/or being together a long time.

I voted YABU because surely you know what to do from here OP.