Why does birthing a baby take away your original identify?

[RelievedNoYouTubeMum]

My best friend had her first baby this year. Before she had her baby she was in a full time, highly regarded and professional career.

Yesterday was her birthday and her social media is exclusively “happy birthday momma/mummy etc”. Every single post, of which there are many, all wish her a happy birthday and mention the fact she’s now a mother? Almost every picture posted are of her holding her baby. Why? It’s so weird.

My dad and my son’s dad (now an ex) both call me mum/momma 🤢and I HATE it and correct them every single time. Use my name please.

I am a person in my own right. A successful one at that. I don’t want to be defined as just a mother.

My friend asked if this is the norm now and she’ll forever be seen as a mum rather than an individual. I’d never really thought about it much, but it does appear so!

I know there will be loads of your who love it and that is brilliant for you. But does anyone else find this happens to you and you don’t like it?

I think what you've described is very unusual, unless she gave birth on her actual birthday.

I'm surprised you're not asking "Why are the people my friend knows so strange?"

I never felt I'd lost something I had gained something. I was never just a mother.

It hasn't happened to me as i have always been me as a parent, but yes I see it with other people where they have lost the plot about themselves

And the fact they think the whole world revolves around their children

Very strange, unless your friend refers to herself like this.

I understand what you mean but finally being able to be called "mummy" was the best day of my life and my child is the most important thing to me ever.
Does your friend care?
Maybe she likes it.

It may be because this is her first birthday as a mother? I agree with you, this would annoy me- I also disliked nursery staff calling me “mum” and once dc start school you are known as “x’s mum”.

Lots of women I know struggled with this when they had DC especially when on maternity leave.

Yes i like my child themselves saying it but not grown adults saying 'would mummy like a drink' or whatever

Because society was built for the longest time (and still leans towards) woman’s free labour to do all the unpaid shit work

I didn’t only lose my identity, I lost my right to even have basic human needs and I lost the right to become ill if those basic human needs went unmet for years on end.

And going by the posts on the relationships/parenting/health boards, it’s pretty widespread.

I can't get worked up about schools or hospitals calling me "mum", feels unreasonable for them to be expected to learn 2x parents names in top of the child's.

Id find it a bit weird if all my friends switched to it, though. Especially as most of them have kids now anyway - who does "mum" mean?!

And society was to blame, or your DC's father?

Nope, not happened to me and not seen it happen in my circle of friends either.

No, I’ve experienced it systemically too. And I know I’m not alone in that experience.

The worse for me is being referred to as 'mum' for anything to do with my kids.... "hi mum, just calling to book your child's next appointment'. "Mum said xyz in the appointment". "Mum is worried about..." "is mum coping ok?" Bleurgh! Hate hate hate. Just say my name! I know its probably unreasonable to expect everyone to remember individual parents names and there's no assumption these days that you'll be 'Mrs (child's last name)' either, but bleurgh i still hate it.

I didn’t only lose my identity, I lost my right to even have basic human needs and I lost the right to become ill if those basic human needs went unmet for years on end.

This is not society, this is the man you had DC with.

Everyone has a 'right to be ill'.

But if he didn't meet your needs and pull his weight, that's on him.

Oh I TOTALLY agree with people calling you 'Mum.' I am a person and I have a name - if you're not my child, don't call me Mum!

There are swathes of women across the globe who would probably be ecstatic to hear a child call them Mummy.
You are a mother . Embrace it

I’ve never ever seen this. Very weird.

Exactly this. I mean, if the baby is a year old, isn’t she back at work, quite apart from anything else? Her friends and family sound weird.

Yes, if there are any teachers on here, why do you ring parents, or talk to them face to face and address them as "mum?" "Don't worry/just wanted to tell you Mum, dc is okay etc." It makes me uncomfortable, dc has started asking why they do it!

What do you mean? Do you think a career identifies her better or being a mum identities her less? Let's take accepted discussion away from this topic and really explain what you mean. For instance, I am still me and I'm a mum, I love being a mum and yet I'm still me.

I have had great success in business and yet I don't care about it much at all apart from the lifestyle and I don't want to talk about work or define myself as being an X.

What I'm trying to say is that this is always who I was, I just didn't have my children yet lol. But I've always been soft and I love being a mum. I'd much rather my identity be "mum" than my job.

I hate it, and I know lots of others who do too. It really bristles when I hear it. It doesn't help that it's often used in a patronising way, like I can't know more about something because I'm just the "mum".

Teachers should know the child's surname at least, as should HCPs if they have the child's file/record in front of them.

DS attended a nursery and two primaries in two countries, and I’ve literally never encountered this from any of his teachers.

But it's the other adults calling the woman mummy, not her own child.

Well it is extremely common in the UK.