Why does birthing a baby take away your original identify?

[RelievedNoYouTubeMum]

My best friend had her first baby this year. Before she had her baby she was in a full time, highly regarded and professional career.

Yesterday was her birthday and her social media is exclusively “happy birthday momma/mummy etc”. Every single post, of which there are many, all wish her a happy birthday and mention the fact she’s now a mother? Almost every picture posted are of her holding her baby. Why? It’s so weird.

My dad and my son’s dad (now an ex) both call me mum/momma 🤢and I HATE it and correct them every single time. Use my name please.

I am a person in my own right. A successful one at that. I don’t want to be defined as just a mother.

My friend asked if this is the norm now and she’ll forever be seen as a mum rather than an individual. I’d never really thought about it much, but it does appear so!

I know there will be loads of your who love it and that is brilliant for you. But does anyone else find this happens to you and you don’t like it?

No one in my social circle has every called me Mum other than my actual offspring.
(And one of those likes to call me Madre because she's a weirdo, bless her eccentric self.)

I’d think my family and friends had lost their minds if they started calling me ‘mummy’ (except my kids, of course).

Teachers should know the child's surname at least, as should HCPs if they have the child's file/record in front of them.

But the parents often don't have the same surname.
There have also been a LOT of threads on here over the years with people objecting to being called "Mrs Smith" rather than "Jane".

Have to agree with this.

I presume they’re saying it as being a mum is a new thing for her, her first birthday that she’s a mum, so it’s a sort of term of endearment. I would find it sweet as my friends would be saying it with love and affection. If it bothered me, I’d say, but it wouldn’t. In fact I’m sure a few friends and work colleagues said it to me. They were just acknowledging that I was a mum, which I liked.

What annoys me is it's such a gendered thing, men/fathers don't get it, or to nowhere near the same extent anyway. People (other than his actual children!) have almost never referred to my DH as 'Dad' and I don't think he's ever had someone wish him 'Happy birthday Daddy' or worse 'Dadda' (ick), if school or the GP call they might say is that 'Timmy's Dad' but they wouldn't ever say 'are you Ok with that Dad' or 'What do you think Dad' in that mildly patronising way that's reserved for women...

I’ve never seen that so see it as very odd. It must be quite niche behaviour

Do your friends and family all call everyone mum or mummy then when they’ve had kids, how incredibly odd.

Our children’s school referred to us as mum and dad. And to my parents as nan and grandad.

GPs definitely use mum and dad ime. The pharmacist called my partner dad when he took our child to check something as well.

As a teacher if I were ringing a parent I’d use their name - Mrs / Mr / Ms surname. If it was an actual meeting, again I’d use their surname. If I were just speaking to them at pick up I’d be more likely to use ‘mum’ as parents more often than not have different surnames than their children.
Last year I taught 3 different classes - 90 children. Our registers are set up with only 1st name / initial of surname visible and to find full surnames you have to select a different page therefore it’s almost impossible to remember every child’s surname. As for knowing the parent’s surname that’s yet another page on the register. Interestingly, many of our Indian families call the teachers ‘teacher’ and don’t use our names either.

Just seems a big ask to me for teachers and hcps to learn all families names also when the interactions arent that frequent.

You're only at the school/hospital in this scenario because of the child, if you hadn't had them you wouldn't be there, so it isn't devaluing your prior identity.

I get that, but why not say "good morning, is that X's Mum when talking directly to a parent? Why does it need to be "hi mum, or mum included multiple times. You wouldn't even say a friends name so much.

Or assuming you are married to the childs father and calling you mrs green as green is the childs name but im actually miss smith so im not even married and ive lost my name, same as when i worked in a school the teachers would call me "miss" that really wound me up, i have a name please use it, but actually i love being called mum