Why does birthing a baby take away your original identify?

[RelievedNoYouTubeMum]

My best friend had her first baby this year. Before she had her baby she was in a full time, highly regarded and professional career.

Yesterday was her birthday and her social media is exclusively “happy birthday momma/mummy etc”. Every single post, of which there are many, all wish her a happy birthday and mention the fact she’s now a mother? Almost every picture posted are of her holding her baby. Why? It’s so weird.

My dad and my son’s dad (now an ex) both call me mum/momma 🤢and I HATE it and correct them every single time. Use my name please.

I am a person in my own right. A successful one at that. I don’t want to be defined as just a mother.

My friend asked if this is the norm now and she’ll forever be seen as a mum rather than an individual. I’d never really thought about it much, but it does appear so!

I know there will be loads of your who love it and that is brilliant for you. But does anyone else find this happens to you and you don’t like it?

The nursery and the primary he was at for longest were in the UK!

Yes, could say Mrs X, or do they need to say anything at all? Surely just "is that x's mum then conversation commences.

Well as you can see scrolling up, numerous posters are encountering the same issue aren't they, with multiple schools. Just because you haven't encountered it doesn't mean others are saying it for fun.

Probably easier for teachers etc who probably come into contact with parents day in, day out.
Is it really the most important thing you have to deal with?

Well the post isn't exactly important either is it, yet here you are. Maybe leave us vacuous nothing to deal with posters to our trivia.

This seems really extreme. I'm sorry you have experienced that, who was it that made you lose your rights?

I have never been called mommy or mom by anyone other than my children, and even then they went through a stage of calling me by my first name 🤣. I do get called "Edie's mum" or "Noah's mum" by my children's friends until they become comfortable enough to use my first name. Teachers call me Mrs Fatell.

My identity changed when I had children but only because I had another role. I am still very much me, I have my mom role, my midwife role, my wife role and friend role. I see my friends as who they are, the fact they became a mom didn't change that they were my friend first and foremost.

I was a teacher for 30 years and have never done that or heard anyone else do it. I don't remember anyone ever referring to me as Mum either, if it ever happened I forgot about it immediately.

Not all parents have the same surname as their children.

all the teachers at my kids school call me mum (happened in 3 different schools) doesnt bother me tbf.

as for losing your identity i certainly did when i became a mum but for very different reasons.

Does she refer to herself as such on social media etc?
I don't think any of my friends have ever referred to me as mum/mummy. It might be because they'd know how much that would irritate me.
I can only think either she's that sort of person or her friends are

I don't think it's surprising that someone is very wrapped up in their baby, it doesn't mean they have 'lost their identity'. What is your 'identity' anyway, it's just a name someone else has given you.

I think that is very unusual (and weird). My husband will refer to me as 'mummy' to our daughter obviously and nursery will say 'xx's mummy' but literally never this otherwise.

I should say I don't mind being called 'child's name' mum, eg Max's mum if I only know that person through my child.
I would also refer to parents at the school gate as such if I don't know/can't remember their name.
It's my actual friends/family referring to me as mum that would be irritating and weird

That is very strange and unusual, never known it to happen to any woman

Never seen anything like that, and I know an awful lot of mothers, and am one.

Not sure how you gathered from my post that this is the most important thing I have to deal with...

I used to teach 200 children at any one time so that would be 400 parent names to get right. Loads don't have the same name as their children. Teachers talk about parents as Mum or Dad. I have never done it to a parent's face but lots of teachers do. It works both ways. Many parents call me Miss at parents evening as that is the generic female teacher name. It never bothered me but it irritates some teachers.

Why does your father call you mum?

Your friend probably likes this and is delighted it’s her first birthday as a mother, which is a huge part of her identity now.

sounds like a you problem

I don't have the same surname as my kids. I can understand being called by my kids' name, I can not understand being called "mum" by grown up adults who are supposed to be educated and have manners.

Luckily our teachers don't seem to do that so far 🤞. I absolutely hate GPs for that though.

I find this bizarre, and feel
ir must be rooted in great insecurity.

Is it not possible to add “mum” to your existing identity and be happy you are/she is now a mum as well as a professional?

No one posts photos of their excel files and professional successes on their personal social media, because noone in our personal circle is interested. There’s LinkedIn for that.

Agree the balance can be difficult and not everyone chooses to focus on one to the exclusion of the other. But with a supportive partner and healthy children you can do both. Absent either of these it becomes a lot more difficult and even the most driven of people then have make choices.

Some teachers say, "Is that X's Mum which is fine, or as you said when the parent isn't there eg "Have you spoken to Mum?" which is perfectly understandable.

I don't understand however the need for it throughout the conversation when talking to the parent. Saying thank you have a good afternoon is sufficient but thank you Mum or "don't worry Mum" etc. I appreciate it doesn't bother others, but it feels cringey to me. I wonder if it is dependent on the school, I don't know.

Can't say I've ever experienced this, the only people who call me mum are medical professionals if I'm accompanying DS to an appointment, or nursery staff.

I gained two great kids. I never lost a thing. 🤷‍♀️

Omg so true! I felt like saying: ‘I had over 40 years as ME I’m not just a mum’!!! It seemed from then on I was X’s mum. And old friends seemed to think that’s all I wanted to talk about. No! I was happy to go to work where no one else had kids so it wasn’t really a topic of conversation (though I did have to leave promptly to pick up from daycare).