AIBU to feel insulted by flowers framed as a ‘present’ but paid for from our joint account?

[JustWantFairness]

DH came home with flowers from Sainsbury’s and announced, “I got you a present.”

I then discovered he’d paid for them from our joint account.

We’ve always contributed equally to that account and kept separate personal accounts for our own spending and treats. So I’d effectively paid for half of my own “present”.

They cost £5.50 and looked shabby and past their best. His own contribution to this grand gesture was therefore £2.75.

What made it worse is that I prefer flowers growing in the garden or live pot plants. He knows this.

It felt like an afterthought and a half-hearted attempt at generosity. The message I received was: “You’re not worth buying a present for out of my own spending money.” and "you're worth £2.75."

AIBU to find the whole thing insulting?

He didn’t think at all, therein lies the issue.

No it doesn’t. If he didn’t think, there wouldn’t have been anything would there? No flowers or anything else.

Can you see you are asking OP to treat her husband like a pre schooler?

But would you say it about something that the receiver wouldn't particularly like to receive?

This is where people are getting confused IMO, OP doesn't really like cut flowers, and getting a half dead bunch because that is all that was left is not 'thoughtful', if anything it shows a complete lack of thought as to what would actually cheer her up.

People are missing the point to be fair.

Well with a bit of luck he'll take the hint and not get you add hoc 'presents' in future.

Would people say I had been thoughtful if I picked up a nice bottle of Chablis for DH? I mean, he rarely drinks and especially doesn't like white wine but it's the thought that counts, no?

I'm not surprised your feelings were hurt, it was thoughtless of him. Just because some women have next to no standards doesnt mean you shouldn't.

It sounds like you’re having a tough time at the minute and this has put you over the edge, I know there’s been times before when I’ve been down and literally everything hurt my feelings and annoyed me because I was just generally miserable- looking back now the things I got annoyed about were ridiculous but at the time were so hurtful - so just try to be nice to yourself, I promise your husband doesn’t not care about you, you will feel better again, I hope you have a nice weekend and do something nice for yourself! With the joint account lol

Why is this even an issue??????

All our presents come from joint money as our money is joint. The thinking of and buying a present is the important bit.

Not everyone does their finances like that though. I agree with what you’re saying about all money is joint money when married regardless of what account it is in but not everyone treats money that way

Please do not use the excuse of being perimenopausal to be such a winer.