AIBU to feel insulted by flowers framed as a ‘present’ but paid for from our joint account?

[JustWantFairness]

DH came home with flowers from Sainsbury’s and announced, “I got you a present.”

I then discovered he’d paid for them from our joint account.

We’ve always contributed equally to that account and kept separate personal accounts for our own spending and treats. So I’d effectively paid for half of my own “present”.

They cost £5.50 and looked shabby and past their best. His own contribution to this grand gesture was therefore £2.75.

What made it worse is that I prefer flowers growing in the garden or live pot plants. He knows this.

It felt like an afterthought and a half-hearted attempt at generosity. The message I received was: “You’re not worth buying a present for out of my own spending money.” and "you're worth £2.75."

AIBU to find the whole thing insulting?

Go and give him a hug .... he brought home something that said . "I was in Sainsburys and thiught of you "

I am sorry you are feeling down and menopausal. Take care.

Thoughtful? To get her a gift he knows she doesnt like? That he makes her pay half of?

The bar for men really is on the ground, isn't it. This whole thread is just women berating a woman for not accepting so little from her husband. Just because someone of you have husbands who are even worse and feel sad you dont get flowers, doesnt mean the OP shouldnt be hurt when her husband got her such a thoughtless and lazy gift.

Couldn’t agree more. This is like the birthday threads where OP gets a kicking for daring to think that her husband and children should acknowledge the day, let alone get her a card or a present.

Crabs in a bucket mentality, women must be so GRATEFUL for anything because it’s the thought that counts (even when the thought seems to be totally absent)

OP I’m sorry you’ve been having a hard time. I wouldn’t consider this a great gift and I can see why - when you go out of your way to care for and treat your husband - it feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth. I hope you can do something nice for yourself soon because you absolutely deserve it.

My DH brought me home a packet of malteasers the other day as a present. Just your standard small packet. I was well chuffed.

It's the thought that counts op.

Except it's nothing like a birthday thread, because he's got her them for no other reason than he was in the supermarket and thought of her.

If it was her birthday or a special occasion then yes I'd agree but he's just in the shop and thought maybe she'll like this.

Try looking on the bright side of life.

I don't think you are overreacting.

Your finances are only partially pooled - so a gift should come from the individual pot.
And the gift was something you don't like.

Other people have low standards!

Hey, sorry things are so difficult at the moment. It was nice he thought of you but as you’ve already made it clear to him you’re not a fan of cut flowers wasn’t the best gift. Hope things improve for you soon.

He could have got no flowers at all!

Unless it’s your birthday or something then I feel as though it was a kind gesture him thinking about you whilst in Sainsbury’s.

Are you usually high-maintenance?

I would have loved that gift too.

Yanbu OP.
Poor effort.
He is happy to accept your kindness but thinks a ratty bunch of flowers is fine.
I'd rather not receive flowers that some half assed ones.
It's ok not to be happy that the support is going one way in your relationship.
Perhaps its time to do something nice for yourself.

I’m delighted with a bunch of flowers, we don’t have a joint account but with my ex we only had a joint account so of course everything came from it!

You didn’t over-react. You’re fine.

Your only mistake was posting on the race to the bottom that is AIBU.

Except shes told him she doesnt like cut flowers. If he was being thoughtful he would have picked up a potted plant.

He could have quite as easily walked on past the flowers and not bought any. But he didn’t, he stopped, chose flowers for his ‘ungrateful’ wife thinking she may like them.

It was a kind gesture. No more or no less than that.

You don’t have any of your own money to buy each other gifts? 🫨

Knowing that she doesn't like them.

No way should it have come from the joint account.

I went to a coffee morning a couple of weeks ago.
They had some bread pudding there, which I think is disgusting, but my dh loves. I asked if they had some sort of container I could take a piece home in and handed over my £2. Except, it was £2 from our joint account. Even worse, he currently pays far more than me into our joint account as I have retired. I do have my own account as well, but, here's the thing, we just aren't that peyyy over such small amounts.

When I got home, dh was really chuffed. Because I'd seen something, thought of him, and gone to the trouble to get it for him.
Oddly, he didn't ask which account it had come from. He just smiled and said thank you.

I think you are not only being unreasonable, but completely ridiculous. It was a nice gesture. He was in the supermarket, presumably therefore buying something "legitimately" from the joint account, and thought some flowers might cheer you up. He wasn't to know you are beyond the point of being able to see the gesture, but felt the need to unpick the action. How sad. I feel sorry for him.

Sorry op, but this is not a nice post at all. Im sure there's more to it but we can only go by whats written, and it comes across as really unkind

I'm totally with you OP, You aren't wrong at all.. the people who think a dying £5 bunch of flowers, bought with half your money, and announced as a present for you, must have their bar set underground.

We have the same setup as you financially and if I treat my DH to anything it is out of my money and he does the same. It is absolutely not a present if you've had to pay for half of it!

BUT if my DH was doing the weekly shop and thought I might like some flowers, he may potentially get them with the shopping, in the same way I may pick him up a nice chocolate bar, but I wouldn't announce it as a present, I'd just tell him I got something for him when out shopping.

Fair play for admitting it was an over reaction on your part,but nobody has picked up on the fact you said you are feeling down at the moment,if you are comfortable sharing could you tell us what's going on for you at the moment,and hopefully someone will be able to help and offer advice.

He should have bought some pasties and cakes for himself with that 5.50. What a sour puss his wife is.

I think this is exactly what has happened.

But oh dear he said ‘present’ rather than ‘I picked you up some flowers’.

Poor guy.