To feel jealous of work colleagues

[Sliverofdarkness]

I've taken a career break and have gone back to work after several years out with the kids. I didn't have much choice in the matter as the kids were close in age so childcare was so expensive that there was no advantage to working, only a logistical nightmare. And we had no family support on either side.

I now find some of my peers far ahead of me (mostly male but some female ), in director roles. I know they have similar age kids. But whenever any mention is made of school holidays, teacher training days, teacher strikes etc, and I end up taking time off, often unpaid, it emerges that they simply send their kids off to be minded by grandparents, often for weeks at a time in summer. Or they get away for a weekend with their partner, while their parents mind their kids.

I can't help feeling really annoyed. Neither of our parents would ever do that for us, and at this stage we wouldn't even ask. But these people I work with seem to act like it's totally normal. They also all seem to have free holidays in their parents' holiday homes whenever they want, in France or Spain. Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off about it?

YANBU to be jealous of your colleagues, that’s understandable. However YABU to be pissed off at them. It’s not their fault they have childcare support from their parents and you don’t, or that their parents own a holiday home

You don’t seem especially interested in hearing the views of others OP, despite saying you’ve found it interesting. The vast majority think you’re being unreasonable and there are lots of posters (like me) saying we don’t get help with childcare either so we understand your frustration but that being pissed off with your colleagues is allowing yourself to build resentment about a situation they have no control over and in which they are not at fault.

You seem to be ignoring all these comments and choosing to believe that the views here represent defensive MNetters who get loads of help. Even if they are, that doesn’t really change the fact that all these lucky people are not doing anything wrong. That we are the unlucky ones, and that’s just a sad fact that nobody is responsible for. My parents don’t have a holiday home either, like they don’t have a mansion or a private jet. Lots of people have things I/we don’t.

Are you suggesting that the Directors at your job don't love their kids?!

They are still parents.
Its time building family relationships.

I'll bite. How do you define 'too much' help?

I highly doubt many parents are literally doing all of those things, all of the time.

As someone who is longing for grandchildren, I don't understand GPs who don't want to help out. I don't think spending a couple of weeks with GPs is bad parenting at all.
I was sent to my Granny's farm in Ireland and had a blast.

And also…sometimes it’s not about childcare or emergencies at all. It’s the fact that many grandparents don’t want to have a relationship/spend time with the youngest members of the family. It often isn’t about any “help” or “childcare”, just a complete disinterest. And then the shock when these children grow up and have no interest either.

I can’t see how your relative, such as your grandchild, being little is a sound reason to have nothing to do with them NOT in the context of childcare or “help” but in the context of normal human life

Working is 💯% easier than looking after children.

Depends on the job. And the children.

But from their perspective, it probably would look like sitting around at home, while they're juggling everything.

You're rather defensive!

Not defensive, just stating facts. Have put on weight actually in the office job from all the sitting around 🤣

this. Grownups get to make choices; grownups get to experience the outcome of those choices.

The posts you choose to reply on make me laugh

Your partner seems to be absent in all this. Was it just assumed he would get to advance his career while yours went stagnant?

Does your husband work on an oil rig? Why was all of that down to you?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/5507362-organising-finances-between-sahp-and-high-earner-parent?page=1

Ignore that - I found the answer. You’ve facilitated your husband’s career in the same way that family members have facilitated those of your colleagues. And so it goes, low pay and child care = women’s work while men get to climb the ladder unfettered. Not a choice you had to make by any stretch.

sure, but doing both is much harder again.

Not in my experience.

It’s easier to have a mad rush hour in the morning getting everyone out of the door, go to work and spend time there doing meetings, chatting to colleagues, having a sociable lunch hour, delivering work, etc., go get the kids and have a mad rush hour to get everyone into bed than it is to parent full time.

I guess it also depends on how your parent. If you go to soft plays and zone out on your phone or use screens at home maybe it is easier, idk. But if you do a proper job of it, parenting is absolutely much more work than spending a good chunk of your waking hours sitting in an office chair.

There are many people, including the OP, on this thread who have stated the same. There are countless other threads where people admit to going to work for a break. And in real life I get told all the time that it’s much easier to go to work which yes it is.

Ah that makes sense now.

So OP is actually pissed off that she is married to a twat who has screwed her financially and still expects her to pick up the childcare because he’s ‘ too important’

Nothing really to do with the other families GP helping out really…

🤣🤣🤣 💯 this!

Thank you. There is a tendency on here to think that in order to support the o.p you need to tear other people down.

It also depends on your job. An easy office job is much different than being a nurse on a 12 hour shift