To be feeling like the whole house is an office because of endless meetings?

[Shatteredglasses]

I am slowly but surely losing my mind with never having the house to myself, honestly. DH started working from home permanently last year. It was presented to me as a good thing (I’ll be done with work much earlier, be able to help more with the kids) but it’s just turned the house into an office. Half term is coming up and it feels very suffocating. I can’t do basic things like hoover or have music playing or friends over. It’s starting to get me down a bit tbh.

@cattussuperior its up to him but this week, he’s left the house once, to go to the Co Op as there was nothing for lunch. I’m not sure that’s great tbh but maybe I’m wrong!

Get him some decent noise cancelling headphones for Xmas. I frequently blow dry my hair in our bedroom while DH has meetings!

Well, you mentioned feeling like you can't vacuum or make certain noises for worry it'd disturb him. So it would seem to be an issue. This is why I'm wondering what would happen if you proactively discussed with DH a step to remedy that worry.

I appreciate that you fundamentally don't want him in the home so much, but it seems to me worth considering whether some of the reasons for that could be chipped away at to make you feel a bit better.

You need to create an insulated space for him. Since he wfh full time. Diy or buy a pod .
Might be tax exempt /claim as an expense for wfh

@Flipperthepriest i guess what I’m trying to get across is I feel like I’m living in an office. And as someone has rightly pointed out offices aren’t silent but they aren’t home either x

Yeah, I get that. So, worth thinking about things you might be able to do to make it feel less like an office.

I'm guessing you reckon DH would respond positively to a noise cancelling headphones suggestion? So if that were me I'd get some.

For many people offices are hideous working environments. I struggle with the noise as well as the lighting. WFH means I can get shit loads more done without distractions and the risk of a migraine.

Your DH may also find working in an office less than productive.

He's in a room with a closed door. How is it encroaching on the rest of the home? I do think this 'feeling like you're living in an office' is rather dramatic bearing in mind he's not working in a communal area.

Get him the headphones, if he doesn't have them already (I wouldn't be without mine) and see if you can insulate the office door.

I'd have more sympathy if he was in the kitchen, dining room or lounge, but as he's shut away I do think it's you who needs to shift your mindset, not him his working location.

I think this would flat out cause a divorce, if my DH were to start working from home. I couldn't tolerate it at all. Problem is, when men are in the house, they make their presence known, and everyone knows they're there. And also, everything has to revolve around them, and their wants and needs. I don't know a single woman alive who would want her DH at home all day. (Especially those who have been married 15-20 years or more.)

I inwardly cheer when my DH says he's going to bed at 9pm, because I can watch what I want then! It's impossible to watch what I want with him there, as he talks when it's on, and keeps asking questions about it. Thank God for streaming, and being able to pre-record things. Enables me to watch stuff when he's not about! If I could only watch things when they're broadcast, I would miss so much... Up to about 12 years ago, DH used to have hobbies and friends, but not now. (Apart from a couple of workmates who he socialises with 4-5 times a year.) He just sits in the house for 90% of the time he isn't at work. (And he only works 26 hours a week anyway. Over 3.5 days.) And he doesn't do housework or chores or food shopping or life admin - I do all that.

Fortunately, with the job my DH does, he can never work from home. He did apply for 3 or 4 jobs in 2025 (that would allow him to work from home) as he was jealous that I can work from home - and do so for 2 of the 3 days a week I work. Fortunately, he didn't get any of them. I was so pleased! I'm not even sorry. As I said, it's different when men are in the house, because their presence is much more dominating than womens - or childrens. I would not have got any peace, ever, and would not have been able to do my own job.

You have my sympathy @Shatteredglasses But I have no solution sorry. Just wanted to say YANBU.

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How lovely for him that it’s all working out swimmingly. Fuck that shit. It’s not working out for you and your kids so it needs to change

I’d be blunt with him but then - that’s my style. Rent an office elsewhere. Work from a family members home sometimes. Go back to the office if possible. Set up an office in a summer house in the garden.

genuinely though, something needs to change. I’d have killed him by now (half joking)

You’ve made me laugh @BatchCookBabe

He just talks so loudly and so you can’t really forget he’s there, just this constant rumble of noise. He’ll come through and start talking to me about a tax return or have you spoken to the solicitors or when you get a minute can you two minutes before I’m about to go out to something.

Absolute endless ‘have you seen mys.’ Always with the insinuation that I have seen them because I have moved them NO DH I bloody well haven’t moved your hedge clippers Or walk through eating crisps causing a clamour for crisps as I’m serving lunch.

He isn’t that bad really but he can be really annoying like everyone can but I’ve no respite from it!

Solidarity! @Shatteredglasses 😘

He’s in a small study area but you can hear him all over the house, not because he’s particularly loud or anything...

This is what you said when you started the thread, @Shatteredglasses.

You've now changed it to this:

He just talks so loudly and so you can’t really forget he’s there, just this constant rumble of noise.

Methinks you've changed your tune as it's not going your way the way you thought it was.

Surely it's up to him to decide what's more healthy for him?

WFH has improved my physical and mental health immeasurably. There's nothing healthy about dragging oneself out of bed in all weathers, commuting on sardine-packed public transport and being exposed to colleagues' germs all day. WFH means I'm more relaxed, I have more time to exercise, I have more energy and yes, if I don't feel like going further than the shops for a few days then I can recharge that way.

I don't actually know what you mean by "my house as a home". Is it not your husband's house as well? For him to decide how he wishes to use it? I do understand that some people prefer a clear dividing line between work and non-work - but I don't share that preference. I don't really think DH should get to have a say in whether I use my home for my work or not (not that he's ever expressed an opinion on it).

Poll still reckons I have right on my side

Yes, I know that according to you that’s only because I didn’t explain I was in the wrong on it or something. Methinks it’s rather arrogant to say everyone should agree with you!

@gannett yes of course it’s his home, but he’s not using it as a home, it’s as a workplace.

But we are not going to agree on this and that’s OK.

This is just a very weird post... why do you talk about men as if they're some sort of weird elephantine alien species? How many men have you actually lived with? The men I've lived with have ranged from very quiet to very loud, as have the women. (Children tend to make their presence known in a much more dominating way than adults.)

Your husband sounds very annoying, to be fair, but having to revolve everything around someone else's wants or needs to the extent that I can't even watch what I want to watch on TV is just not a lifestyle I can comprehend. Like... if DH or I starts chattering when the other one is trying to watch something, you just say "can you stop talking please, I'm trying to concentrate" and it's a non-issue.

It's just a building. It can be used for whatever the owner wants to use it for. Rigidly insisting that only certain activities can take place in it is weird to me. Houses are by their nature multi-functional - today I've used mine as a cinema (watched a film), as a library (read a book), as an office (got ahead of some work) and as a gym (crap weather, worked out in the living room). I don't see why any of that should be off limits.

If you don't want to use your house as an office you don't have to, but you don't really get to decide how your husband should use it.

Ok so him coming and mithering you is an issue that could also potentially be addressed. Something tangible.

So, similar to the hoovering issue, have you told him you don't like him doing this, if so what happened and if not what do you think would happen? Because this is really the sort of thing you ought to be able to speak to your spouse about.

Neither my nor my husband’s contract says this. There is nothing confidential about our work. I work in a room designated as an office, he tends to work wherever he is comfortable (despite having an office). But I won’t ever change my plans if he decides to take a call at the kitchen table. He can move if he wants quiet.

So he isn’t just in this small study talking not loudly but talking loudly?

Now he is clipping the hedge and is some kind of crisp eating pied piper? My labradors “clamour for crisps” when my husband has them, strange to think kids do that too.

Despite the changing narrative, the point remains the same. If you refuse to communicate with him about it, but change your daily way of life because of it, that’s on you.

It could make a major difference, though, especially if it was headphones with a mic. He wouldn't have to talk so loudly in meetings, you wouldn't hear the drone of his voice, you could have your friends over and make as much noise with the kids as you like, and generally you could ignore his presence.

It sounds like you haven't spoken to him about this?

Maybe he wouldn't mind if you hoovered or played music? I WFH sometimes and I don't need or expect complete silence for it if others are in.

I think you need to try to communicate instead of just being annoyed.

The OP has no intention of communicating about it @TurquoiseBananasso the thread is totally pointless 🤷🏻‍♀️