To be feeling like the whole house is an office because of endless meetings?

[Shatteredglasses]

I am slowly but surely losing my mind with never having the house to myself, honestly. DH started working from home permanently last year. It was presented to me as a good thing (I’ll be done with work much earlier, be able to help more with the kids) but it’s just turned the house into an office. Half term is coming up and it feels very suffocating. I can’t do basic things like hoover or have music playing or friends over. It’s starting to get me down a bit tbh.

Has he said he doesn't want you doing normal things around the house, or have you decided that (out of an abundance of kindness)?

I have a hybrid job, and offices also have plenty of noise, other people's conversations, etc. As he's in a separate room, it shouldn't be preventing you from living as you want.

Because it’s very awkward trying to talk and laugh and manage toddlers shrieking and crying and laughing with someone droning on endlessly in the background 😅 It just is. It’s awkward and no one enjoys it.

Is there something you’ve missed out in your op op? Like that you’re scared of your husband, or from a culture where he is the lord and master?
because how it’s read is..
op ‘I don’t like dh working from home as we have to be quiet’
everyone ‘no you don’t. Here’s some things he could do.’
op ‘I don’t like dh working from home as we have to be quiet.’

It doesn't bother me when DH vacuums while I'm working. The office door shuts if necessary. 🤷‍♀️

No, I’m not scared of him. I just don’t like him working from home when I’m living at home I suppose. It’s interesting as there’s. Lots of voices saying how odd and strange it is but the poll is overwhelmingly with me!

If he's behind a shut door and you can hear him and he can hear you, could you look into some kind of sound proofing?

We both work from home, he works upstairs and I work downstairs. I always have music or the TV on for background noise and we can't hear each other.

But your husband isn’t complaining about noise or saying that your friends can’t come over? It’s more of a you problem than a him problem so what are you going to do about it?

I don't get this really. I WFH full time and there's nothing stopping DH hoovering, playing music or having friends over if he's around and not working. If I really need silence for an important meeting I'll ask if he can be quiet for an hour or whatever, but that's rare - I can just close my office door and that's usually enough.

If the person WFH is insisting on silence that's not reasonable and there needs to be a conversation and compromise on both sides, but that's not what's going on here either. So... I don't get it. The problem just seems to be that the OP doesn't like the vibes and that's not really significant enough to stop him WFH if he wants.

The first purpose of a home is whatever its owners want it to be, actually. I own half my house and I want it to be my home office and therefore that's what it should be.

I assume the OP's husband owns half his house? He can decide what he does in it then.

Separating home and work is vital for mental health and family life. If you can discuss alternative workspaces for you DH, hopefully off the premises, and work out the options asap.
Good luck, it won't get any better if you delay.

Is he guiding in drone strikes or something? Why would it disturb him so badly if you hoovered or played music?
He should get some good headphones if he's that sensitive to sounds.
Have a calm and constructive conversation about it and make clear that this is your home as well as where he works, and it can't just become an office. Maybe for example he could arrange to do quiet work (with headphones on) on the afternoons when you have people over, so you can't hear him in his meetings.

I don't agree that she can tell him to work elsewhere when it's her who has the problem. They both own the house, she doesn't get to make that decision. DH would get very short shrift if he told me I had to find somewhere out of the house to work!

But how can you hear him droning on if he’s in another room with the door closed and you have toddlers playing?

You just can. If I want to have a private phone call I always step outside

You sound like my DP, this is your problem I think and not your DPs. I work from home, not every day but at least 3 or 4 days a week. DP constantly says to me ‘oh I won’t hoover if you have meetings’ or ‘I won’t do that job on x day as you are at home that day’. It makes absolutely no difference to me if he hoovers or does DIY. I am completely unbothered. It’s his perception of what he can and can’t do with no basis at all. I am constantly saying to him to just pretend I’m not there.

Yes, I think look into the audio setup. I searched ‘accoustic panel’ and some are really quite inexpensive, like hexagons that you can adhere to the wall.

I find there’s a particular echoing quality to video calls that really seems to carry outside the room.

Edited to add: also consider curtains, carpet, a door curtain and or textured pictures.

I'm in a flat and WFH permanently, DH semi retired so home more than he isn't. The only thing DH does to accommodate me is leaving the hoovering until I'm on lunch.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm the one invading his space so if he wants to play music, watch a noisy film or generally make a racket thats up to him.

Stop making allowances and live your life, if he doesn't like it, he can go to the office.

We both WFH part of the week and it works fine. I’m not sure it would if our hours were different or we had kids at home.

There are times when we are careful not to make noise but generally we both accept that a bit of household noise is fine. Actually, with noise cancelling speakers and headphones people he’s in meetings with shouldn’t hear anything even if he does.

I think you both need to discuss what feels ok and what feels too much.
If he wants to continue working from home, he will need to accept it won’t be quiet all the time and you need to become comfortable with allowing yourself to exist in your home when he is working.

If that doesn’t work then he needs to go back to the office or find a co-working space at least part of the week.

So if he works 2x per week outside of the house you’ll feel freer to have friends round and play dates. Your family cannot organise your whole lives around his work.

Half term will be awful.

I hear you OP. DH has been WFH since the pandemic and it is a nuisance. I think for us it's more to do with the layout of our house its open plan downstairs although he works from a bedroom upstairs he's always up and down. When we bought the house many moons ago it was to be a home not a workplace :(
Also, having space and time to yourself is important for mental health wellbeing.

Yes same DH is constantly in and out.

Just kind of alters the ambience!

If he wants to continue working from home, he will need to accept it won’t be quiet all the time

OP said he hadn't complained and that the problem is all hers.

It’s not our noise bothering him. It’s his noise bothering us.

I think if DH objected to me going in and out of my kitchen to make drinks/meals/snacks, or just to me wandering around my own house as I please, because it "altered the ambience" for him, I'm afraid I wouldn't have much sympathy at all.

The poll is with you because of how you presented the situation in your OP. Most contributors reply based on that and dont bother reading further.
I changed my opinion when you added additional information in your subsequent posts. You now seem very entitled and wanting your own way.

But you say 'it would disturb him if I hoovered or had music playing.' I'm a bit confused.