To think Meghan Markle isn’t the problem, it’s Harry?

[WryJadeWren]

I don’t understand why Meghan is so often treated as the driving force behind everything people dislike about them, while Harry is portrayed as some helpless man who’s been led astray.

He’s a grown man with his own opinions and the ability to make his own decisions. It’s his family and presumably he has far more history with them than she does. Why is the assumption that she’s manipulated him, rather than that he has his own grievances and is doing what he wants?

You don’t have to like Meghan to recognise that Harry is responsible for his own behaviour. I actually find him more irritating, particularly the impression he gives that everyone else is responsible for his unhappiness.

AIBU to think she gets a disproportionate amount of the blame, while he gets far too much benefit of the doubt?

You speak to your friends, or your spouse, or your therapist. People who air private business publicly aren’t looking for help or answers, only attention. Especially when they know they can say whatever they want, true or not, because said family is known for not publicly responding.

I've never known two people to be the architects of their own misery more than they are. There's a lot of flex within the RF to how much work a lot of them do. Or they could have gone down the Zara and Mike Tindall route who come across as happy and well adjusted.

They had enough money to live a life most of us can only dream off for the rest of their lives, quietly out of the spotlight. People would have left them alone. But no they had to do Netflix deals, make jam, be philanthropists or whatever this is all meant to be. It's tragic. In Megan's show you can see the social panic in her eyes when she is interacting with her guests.

Why do they need security?

Nosy neighbours, fans and the press could be kept at bay with a gate and some conifers. (Stopping the drama would also be effective)
I don't think Blowfeld really GAF about them.
And as for nutters and criminals, well they can take their chances like the rest of us can't they?

I don’t think it’s been the picnic MM was expecting. There’s the RF…..how on earth do you ever fit in with that lot easily or quickly? I mean she is an American and a divorced American at that! Nothing wrong with that, but the ‘firm’ like its new entrants to be docile, biddable & preferably squeaky clean. And she had a voice, which wasn’t appreciated at the Palace. I think she arrived thinking they’d been waiting for her, she’d sort things out’, liven things up a bit. Sorry Meghan, but we do it our way. She was expected to tow the line, instead of pulling it.

Then she has Harry with his mental health problems, & that can’t be easy. I thought she’d never return to the UK, but she has, to keep him happy maybe? She has an unpleasant habit of falling out with people, and imo opinion overdoing especially the jewellry. Less is more Meghan. Both of them strong personalities. I do see her now as hanging on, being a duchess is way too important to her to give it up, despite it all not having been the easy ride expected. Just my take on it, and I could be sooo wrong.

No of course not but if you're going to write a book revealing deeply personal information (like that his father carries / carried around a teddy bear to cope with bullying), an interview accusing Kate of bullying and heavily implying that his family are racist and a T.V series saying that the rest of your family was jealous of how great you did their job, you have to accept family fallout. Then he told the word that his father was actively involved in stopping him getting security because it 'was a stich up.' It's ridiculous that posters say that their own brother doing this wouldn't bother them. Heaps of MN go low or no contact for far less than this!

The idea that Harry has nothing at all wrong and his family are just angry that he's lived is own life is ridiculous. He's invaded their privacy, made serious accusations against them, accused his father of putting him and his family's lives at risk and made their lives much harder. Of course they'll be no contact with him. He can choose to do whatever he wants but the loss of his family is the natural consequence.

I laughed when he said the world has too much drama so he wants to reconcile with his family. I believe that he wants to reconcile but you can't do pretty awful things like this and expect that your family want to reconcile.

I think he's a decent man and most of the family stuff has nothing to do with Meghan and isn't her fault. He's also immature and entitled and severely lacks empathy. His family will probably steer clear of him and his family (honestly, probably children included) moving forwards and that's the result of his choices. Now he and Meghan need to live with what they've done.

I think they are both as bad as each other. Self centered and completely out of touch with real people with real problems. Most people are currently facing a cost of living crisis!
I am sorry that Harry lost his mother at such a young age, in such tragical circumstances, but so have many other people, lost loved one's at a young age, they get on with their lives and do not go on about it or their mental health!

His latest privacy video is all about reconciliation, what about reconciliation with Mr Markle, doesn't he deserve some kindness and the chance to meet his grandchildren? Harry can't just pick the best bits that suit his narrative. Quite frankly he needs to grow up and shut up. We are all fed up hearing him moaning about how desperate his life is. He could make a real difference if he really wanted too. If him and his wife were sincere, people would respect them both far more.

As for their children, all the public want is to see is an occasional picture of them, not the backs of their heads. When you consider these children are in succession to the thrown, it's not a lot to ask. William and Catherine manage this without any great dramas and with grace.

I am sorry, but I have no time for these lying, selfish, self centred grifter's. I am sick to the teeth of seeing them in the news every day, it's all nonsense news with no substance. I wish they would just go away, enjoy their privacy and stop trying to upstage our royal family !

I would agree with people; it is both. Harry gets a pass because we all have much more context, and Meghan is a foreigner, so they will always be treated with more scrutiny.

I agree with the general assessment that Meghan is shallow and self-interested, and that she offers little value to most people. Those who like the "re-bagging almonds" content, then thats great.

People in general are getting very tired of the "victim and activist" narrative, especially as they are not taking responsibility for dealing with the issues. They need to start pivoting their message to be popular.

I love that now he’s purged himself of all(?) the bitterness and resentment aimed at his dad, older brother and stepmother - and faced an almighty backlash - he is NOW presenting himself as the one who wants reconciliation and claiming that feuding with your family is detrimental etc. it’s alright now he’s got it off his chest, slagged them off and done some irreparable damage - knowing full well they can’t retaliate in the same way. Now he’s the injured party just wanting peace. After causing chaos with a terminally ill father, cancer suffering SIL, when his grandfather was dying and probably sending his grandmother to an earlier, certainly unhappier, grave.

All this talk of hope of reconciliation - where’s the reconciliation towards the dying, recent amputee father in law and grandfather left out in the cold that he and his kids have never even met?!

Harry has let Meghan think that his family really were concerned about the skin colour of their children. Whilst I’m sure they did comment, as relatives of mixed children do, I just do not believe they are so grossly racist as to be bothered. Harry reported the comments to Meghan and either encouraged or allowed her to think his family were genuinely concerned. I this she had real anguish about this - it comes across in the Oprah interview. No wonder she feels rejected, believing that something so integral to her - her black heritage - was unwanted and denigrated. I wonder if Harry has used his own learning and personal development about unconscious racism to misinterpret their comments - I think unconscious racism is more subtle than having or expressing concern about skin colour.
The other issue is that I think he was so in love with Meghan that he didn’t help her to anticipate the huge but subtle cultural differences between the US and UK, compounded by the utterly strange customs of the RF. Meghan didn’t know that curtseying was expected within private family gatherings, that there are complex rules about who curtsies to whom; about the way the RF operates, the way different households defer to each other and how status is expressed; the very dated conventions in dress that the QEII expected and most importantly that her family would always in public be secondary to the Cambridge/Wales family and her family would be in a supporting role. She was allowed to mistakenly think that security provision depended on how her children were styled. As she said, there was no manual to guide her. Coming from a meritocracy I expect she found most of this utterly baffling. I wonder if she had any confidantes who understood the system to explain that this is how it is, it’s nothing personal about her as a mixed race American. The media were horrible to her after the first few halcyon months - the constant compare and contrast between Meghan and Catherine would have continued with both being alternately exhaulted/excoriated. I wonder if Harry was too emotionally damaged to help Meghan navigate a difficult and complex landscape as he clearly had continued axes to grind with his family.
Im sad as I think Meghan is fundamentally person of good will who had the potential to be a real asset to the RF. As is Harry. It’s a shame it’s been so spoilt.

Have you SEEN her family?
Her SISTER??
LISTENED to any of them??
Christ almighty they’re the family HORROR STORIES are written around.
If it were ANY OTHER FAMILY, I’d give them grace - but Meghan’s family is a FREAKING NIGHTMARE.
They’re a “Movie of the Week” FREAKING HORROR STORY!!!
In particular, that “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” FREAKING CRAZY SISTER.

NOBODY ANYWHERE has ANY standing to fault Meghan - OR HER MOTHER - for retreating from THAT family.
NOBODY.

What kind of person defends those people?

Do you know this person personally?
Whats with the Uk who assume and presume they know these people.

Because he’s painfully dim and she’s clearly very intelligent

I agree. They’re all very odd.

It’s not normal to leave your tiny children and sod off for months on tour. It’s weird how they don’t live with their spouses half the time. The way they pack their children off to school at a very young age. How Charles ‘has no plans to meet with [his son] on a rare visit from abroad. Even if things were a bit frosty he’s still his child.

It’s also bizarre to marry someone to breed when you’re already in love with someone else and then just continue the relationship. It’s crazy to have a brother/uncle that brings home sex workers regularly to the family home and likes to hang out with very young women but no one comments on it.

Growing up in such a family and then losing your mother at a very young age is bound to affect you. And then not being able to just get a normal job like all of your mates. TBH Harry has done well not to be a raging alcoholic.

I don’t believe the Royal Family don’t regularly pass stories to the public but via PR agencies and similar. There are just too many stories slagging off H&M. It takes the heat off other more unsavoury stories.

They are flawed people clearly but it’s not surprising given both their histories. It’s all quite sad.

I’ve voted YANBU but I dislike the woman tremendously. but he’s a grown man and yes, he’s a man idiot too.
I’ve either been very swayed by the media (which I usually cannot be) or she really is just a knob.
I used to really like her. She is so hypocritical and he is such a whiner. His book showed just how he feels about being second born.

Life in the public eye must be brutal, I’d never wish on it for myself, but they say one thing and do another. Particularly about privacy - they’re both as bad as each other and I don’t think they’re happy.

I don’t think he is worse than her, but he has now proven he is just as nasty as she is. It’s not the tabloid media exposing how bad they are, we have seen them in action, we have heard it from those who have worked with them, only a week ago, from the designer Roland Mouret pointing out what a nasty piece of work she is and how entitled she is.

The criticism of Meghan has very little to do with racism and misogyny, (by the way she is biracial and not black), but people love to falsely claim that is the reason for people calling out her behaviour, her arrogance and for pointing out how much she publicly lies and embellishes.

Of course, lets not forget she married a racist, the only one of his generation of RF to have been publicly exposed using racial slurs not once, but on numerous occasions.

Remember Harry's face when she made dramatic fun of having to curtsey to the Queen?
He was crimson with embarrassment.

Omid Scobie, her mouthpiece, disclosed she refused the help of a long term black aide to help her navigate her introduction to the RF, because it ‘didn’t look good’. There are lots of claims she herself is racist, her only black friends are recent and uber wealthy celebrities (Oprah, Tyler Perry, Serena Williams). None of her mothers black family members were invited to the wedding, not even the uncle who pushed out the boat for her and got her a prestigious internship.

I read Spare and came to the conclusion that Harry is a much bigger problem.
He has the most enormous chip on his shoulder. Moaning that he didn’t have the best bedroom when they had Christmas at Grandma’s house - sounded like a little child. He has had a life of enormous wealth and privilege but seems totally oblivious to the fact. I have no doubt that his family is dysfunctional in many ways a d that the loss of his mother when he was so young was deeply traumatic but the stuff he whines about is pathetic.

I agree, the paternal side of her family are absolutely horrible and, sadly, as time is proving, the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree.

She has a big family on her mothers side too, who have never uttered a public word about her and yet they have also been cut off completely and totally.

In hindsight, her horrible sister and brother said some things about her which have now been proven correct.

Spot on!
I feel very sorry for Meghan’s father.
Harry should have married a stable, normal woman who shared his interests , they could have gone to Africa so he could work in conservation carrying on the legacy of his grandfather and he would have been good at it.

Imo she lied to him to reel him in and he didn’t listen to his brother who I do think has his best interests at heart.

I suspect when you v are surrounded by absolute privilege, have everything handed to you on a plate, have adults bowing and scraping to you from birth, then your sense of perspective is skewed. Added to that the whole c structure of Monarchy is that the firstborn child is the be all and end all and the second is basically nothing but a spare part ( hence the book) The room and the sausages etc were probably examples of a lifetime of ' Well William is more important". He said in his book about the sausage issue that when he asked for an extra sausage he was told no, as only William got one because he was the heir! I mean, who treats children like that? Not to mention the ridiculous curtseying and bowing in private to each other in order of hierarchy- ridiculous rules they've made up to make themselves feel more important, even within their own family! The hierarchy is all they have. Of course William is 'dutiful' or whatever. He and his kids will be the ones with all the cash, the purpose etc. I don't feel sorry for Harry because he's selfish and dumb, but he is certainly not the only one in his family like that. He is the product of how the RF brings up their children.

In America, she’s black. They consider anyone who has one black parent to be fully black. That’s why Meghan thought her race was such a big deal in the U.K. She did not realise that she’s not even considered to be black in the U.K.

Meghan has publicly for years, long before she met Harry, described herself as bi-racial.

I don’t think Harry helps the backlash against M. He is constantly presented as a damaged child whose mummy died and nothing is his fault - must be Meghans then.

I agree with @Douglasmummyand I’m glad WAC have been trying as much as they are able to create a normal home life for their children. Harry on the other hand is probably not, big house, lots of staff about, it’s not good.

Is she, though? She seems to completely underestimate others, thinking the public won’t notice her preaching about the environment and then taking private jets, for example. And if she was intelligent, she’d have taken steps to keep her nastiness out of the public eye, like going to visit her dad when he had his leg amputated. She’s shown her true awful self in many ways, so I’m not sure she is that bright after all.