Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

Yes, I would like to see this link too.

What a weird thing to focus on. Has DS said he expects free proper dinners with free lodgings?

I doubt he has but you can ensure he knows whats what before he moves in can't you?

He can buy his own dinners from what's left of his benefit money if he wants one.

It actually sounds like YOU don't want him there OP.

You obviously don't want your son back. Every suggestion you have batted away. You don't need to cook for your son. What a flimsy excuse
No way would I put a man before my own son

Are they? It’s really not an easy job to do and a lot of the companies I’ve worked for hardly have any work these days as a lot of it is done online.

For my child, I would just make it work in the short term. My parents would do the same for me without question. He can sleep on the sofa and put his things in storage. Suggest it is temporary until January by then you expect him to have sorted something (I still wouldn’t kick him out though, a single man is the bottom of the barrel for housing support and I would never see my child homeless)

You don't have to provide full meals for your son. That's one of the rules you state up front. He can eat what you offer or pay for his own food.

Local councils can sometimes make payment to even up gap between benefits and rent but you have to apply for it. Has he done this?
Discretionary Housing Payments (DHPs): If your Universal Credit housing element does not cover your full rent, you can apply to your local council for a DHP. These funds are provided by the government to local authorities specifically to support people who need extra help with rent. 1]

If it was one of my children I'd let them stay until they got themselves back on their feet financially.

They'd probably be sleeping on the sofa if there was no bedroom available but my children will always have a safe place to stay with me if they ever needed - regardless of age or circumstances.

I would however be doing all I could to help him secure new work and be able to move out again. At 27 and with no actual bed available for him I imagine he will also be keen to get a place of his own again.

These threads ONLY crop up when there is a step parent in the picture.

People who are single or still with their child's other parent wouldn't dream of posting this. No matter how difficult it would be to have them back. Only the ones who've come to regard their first family as an inconvenience and now prioritise their new partner.

Shops are all taking on Christmas staff now. May help?

If he has to live in lounge then so be it. Alternatively he’s rough sleeping. Your husband needs to understand this. They are all your children. Not just your new family.

Hes only going to qualify for the shared room rate in your area so it’s unlikely his UC will cover the rent in full. He’s clearly in a contact so can’t get out of phone contract but as soon as able needs to downgrade it to a SIM only.

The fact he’s not been unemployed before is positive- hopefully he’ll find work soon.

Tell us about your home, did you love in it before your you married your DH. You make it sound like it’s his house and his space.

My daughter came back to live with me when she was in a desperate state and she's still here years later,and she's 48! She still needs support and I'd never turn her out, I love her.
No awkward resident partner though!

As you say he’s never been unemployed before, he should have several thousand pounds saved for this exact situation.
However, regardless of savings etc, you bring him home and make it work until he’s back on his feet.

While I personally would let any of my kids moce back home in this situation & put up with the inconvenience, I have some sympathy for OP. She is in a vulnerable position as a carer for a young disabled child , reliant on her DHs income. She hasn’t said how disabled her DC is & it might be a case of her DS moving in being the ‘last straw’

If her marriage couldn’t cope with the additional stress where does that leave her & her young DC? There’s more to consider here than just her older son’s housing.
It’s awful that benefits aren’t sufficient to pay rent for a room in shared accommodation. I don’t think thats too much to ask for in a civilised society, in the short term at least. Parents shouldn’t have to feel responsible for 27 yr old adult DC. I hope you can work something out OP, best of luck to your DS.

Because there are whole cohorts of people who will work for less.

Hit the nail on the head @Worldinyourhands 👍🏻

He’s your son, you’ll have to make room. Your husband may not be his dad but it’s his wife’s son so should be treated the same as his own child.

Lots of rice and lentils and beans for filling and cheap food?

If preventing your hardworking son (that has never been unemployed and is looking really hard for a job) from becoming homeless by squishing him in for a few weeks or months is going to destroy your relationship with your DH, then I can't see the relationship has much life in it anyway.

And when it comes to food, couldn't your son buy his own from his benefits? Or make a contribution towards the cost? If he's living with you he'll only have to pay his phone, insurance and petrol to get to/ from interviews. So he should have some left over?

Could you put bunkbeds in your 4 year old's room?

can he cook them on the street?

Love this, this is how it should be @Crazybigtoe 👍🏻❤️

Honestly some of these replies are wild. He is your son, it might be a squeeze but you help him out!

I would never choose any other man over my son . It’s seems your husband is the problem here / not your son .
dont abandon him when he needs you the most . Just because he is 27 - doesn’t mean he doesn’t need your help !
If you wanted to make it work then you would .

Yr son will learn he has to save for a rainy day from this, if nothing else.
Tell him he has the same food u guys eat or he can get his own as u can't afford to support him. Tell hubby to fill fridge and freezer once and after that son can do his own thing.
He definitely Italy needs a cheaper phone tho.
I wdnt want to be in ur position juggling these 2 men tbh!