To think when 2 members if same family go no contact, its almost impossible for other to not take sides

[HowHaveYouFoundThis]

Have you ever experienced this? How did it all pan out?

I'm referring to when it's two people within an immediate family do say a dad and son, son has decided he no longer wants to see the dad, due to his childhood

I can fully understand why people, need to cut contact, but im just interested in the effects on the wider family

Sides always get taken unfortunately. X

It depends on the reasons really. Sometimes what has been done is so atrocious (I.e. abuse) and so obvious that there are no debates about why going NC was needed. In that sense you could say there is only one side to take and that’s not the side of the abuser.

It depends why they've gone no contact really, need more context than you've given. If it was abuse, for example, then people probably should support the victim. If it's over a general disagreement then that's different. You'd expect both of them to act like adults and not drag other people into it at family events etc.

Bit like if a couple you know divorce, it's almost impossible to not take a side at some point

My sister and I don't speak. Five years now. Nobody has taken sides because I didn't ask for that.

Again, depends on the reasons of the divorce doesn't it. If nobody is at fault and they've just fallen out of love then of course it should be easy not to take sides.

I don't understand the angle here or why youvve asked the question. Is it a general question or are you going through this right now?

Its to do with the son feeling that there was abuse stuff in his childhood, now 30, not sexual he still wants a relationship with his mum so that's a case of tension.
Son can't or doesn't feel upto attending wider family events

Whst do you do when there's family parties and Christmas and big events ? Like how have you navigated this
Did you tell other family members like grandparents you don't want anyone trying to get you to patch things up etc

It's happened in my family and no sides have been taken. My brother is no contact with my dad, my parents have no contact with each other. My and my sister get along with them all just fine.

Same.
My sister hasn't spoken to me in nearly 3 yrs.
No side to take.

I also want to know how you navigate family occasions?

So the parents are separated.. that must make things easier

Well if he's not up to attending the family events then it solves that problem for now. However if you believe he was abused (and your post suggests maybe you don't believe him??) then why would you want to socialise with an abuser?

Very unusual for someone to say this at the age of 30 and be making it up tbh. If my son came to me with that information I'd be taking it extremely seriously.

My Brother's fell out about 25yrs ago. It's sad but I haven't taken a side. When a family event is happening they are both invited and generally Brother 1 doesn't come. I think brother 2 would like to bury the hatchet but brother 1 is stubborn and it will never happen. Their kids went to the same school but didn't mix with each other or even acknowledge they were cousins.

It's my my son, it in my extended family, so of course I don't know, as I didn't live in that house
But I don't believe people go nc unless they've had many many years of difficulties, I don't think people do that lightly

Not my son

Sides are inevitably signaled with invitations to Christmas dinner and weddings. It is possible people just keep inviting both and let them work out somehow which will attend, but even that can be seen as taking a position.

OP you are drip feeding and not given a lot of context, very difficult to provide proper advice.

I agree, me and my sister haven’t spoken in 6 years, didnt ask anyone to take sides but it has happened, as for family events i dont go to any where she will be

So you kinda think the same eventually side do get taken

Do you think you'd ever make up

No,not in my case. Only one of my four siblings has any contact with my abusive mother.

I maintain a great relationship with him, as do my other siblings. We just don’t mention her.

Yes maybe just never mentioning the other person is the best way

Well if its not your son then who is this person to you?? Because honestly im at a loss here with the drip feeding of information. You don't need to have been in the house to believe abuse has happened.

If i was abused and my family wanted to keep in touch with my abuser, then I'd distance myself from them because they're probably not safe to be around. Its not even about you taking sides really, it isnt about you, and its very strange that youre on this thread asking other people if they've managed to reconcile after NC.

I just don't understand why this is about you at all.

Absolutely never. She did something unforgivable