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Original poster

Ultimate Betrayal

504 replies

Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 21:43

Been bugging me for a while so here we go.

My wife had her graduation this summer, was so proud of her and all the work she put in. I paid for her gown and graduation photos (solo photo and 1 family photo).

because she’s picked an early morning slot - with travel and the kids it was going to be tight us all making it. So we agreed if me and kids missed pre ceremony photos (wife was driving with parents and siblings) we’d take family photos after the ceremony. To get there on time me and kids needed to set off at 08:00 and with kids being very young the intention was never for us to go into ceremony with it being 90 mins. They’d disrupt the whole thing.

well you guess it we didn’t make it out until after 9, then with driving around for ages looking for parking we just arrived at the end of the ceremony in time to take family photos after.

this was a disaster kids were hungry and in tears in all the photos not looking forward the lot.

fast forward to a few days later and we get to see the photos to choose which ones to order. And the wife has taken beautiful happy photos with her parents and siblings prior to me and kids arriving.

I feel totally betrayed

me and kids were only there for 15 mins despite us being stuck in the car for 2.5 hrs to take photos.

we’ve obviously argued and part of me feels guilty for putting a stain on her big day but the other half thinks why would you take photos without us knowing you that only one family photo could be chosen to purchase.

think it hurts more that’s without us shes got a lovely family photos and with me and the kids she’s got a very messed up unhappy photos.

YABU - she never intended to buy photos without us knowing you and kids and was just indulging herself.

YANBU- yeah she stabbed you in the heart, back and everywhere else. She shouldn’t have taken the photo even if the intention was never to buy.

OP posts:
AirborneElephant · 16/10/2026 22:24

Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 21:58

We had never intended to go into the ceremony but the schedule my kids are very young - think preschool and nursery age. In terms of being late I was getting them ready and fed so we could leave. Was literally up at 6 to get ready and everything packed for the day on my own while my wife set off.

in terms of us missing pre ceremony photos I’d driven around to 6 different car parks for over and hour and they were all full. Had to park miles away and get a taxi just to make it on time. When we did arrive the security wouldn’t let me bring outside food in for the kids so they were hungry.

not like any of it was on purpose but knowing that if she wanted pictures with me and the kids why take them without us. She could only chose one photo. Either with us in it - or without us.

there was no stream so no we couldn’t watch from outside either.

Aw diddums. You has to get up at six and get the kids ready all on your own! Poor darling! And you didn’t manage to read any of the restrictions or make appropriate plans to feed them. I wonder how often your wife gets the children ready in the morning and manages to get them to nursery and preschool on time?

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:24

Ponoka7 · 16/10/2026 22:21

I think that you should have stayed home with the children and let her have her day. She can step out of the role of Mum, occasionally. Or at least bought snacks and made sure the children were fully sorted, so the focus was on her. Did your argument include 'all you care about...' which is what women get when they dare to focus on themselves, as people and not be all things to all people.

Wish I had, got all the details of location and timing the night before no didn’t really get much time to plan anything.

ran around to make sure time was freed with various educational providers so kids could go.

we both agreed we would arrive after the ceremony so not poor planning on my part at all.

OP posts:
wfhwfh · 16/10/2026 22:25

WarmAleAndBlackLabrador · 16/10/2026 22:02

You really couldn't get your kids up and out by 8 on her special day? Way to make it all about you. How do you cope with the school / nursery run?

This is what I was going to ask….Do you work and do morning drop-offs, OP? If not, who does - your wife?

Being out of the house by 8am is fairly standard for most parents. You sound as if being expected to get your kids breakfast and out of the house by yourself was some fantastical feat

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:25

AirborneElephant · 16/10/2026 22:24

Aw diddums. You has to get up at six and get the kids ready all on your own! Poor darling! And you didn’t manage to read any of the restrictions or make appropriate plans to feed them. I wonder how often your wife gets the children ready in the morning and manages to get them to nursery and preschool on time?

Show quote history

She sleeps in with the little one I get kids ready and do pick ups and drop off everyday thank you

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 16/10/2026 22:25

Way to make your wife’s achievements and big day all about you 👍🏻

ultimate betrayal is a stretch.

You fucked up by being late to leave, not making sure the kids had snacks before leaving the car/entering the venue and for not planning ahead and checking where to park.

Let your wife have this one day.

CypressGrove · 16/10/2026 22:26

Did no-one have a phone to take a photo with? How are you going to cope if she does actually betray you at some point, if having a photo taking without you is the ultimate betrayal? Why do you say you paid for her graduation stuff - aren't you married and therefore it's all family money? Are you financially abusive as well as controlling?

Hohofortherobbers · 16/10/2026 22:26

You are way overthinking this, re the birthday party, she sounds like she was surrounded by w sets of families and kids. She just didn't notice you weren't there, you'd nipped out, she probably hadn't realised you weren't there.
Re the wedding, not her fault, sil did the invites presumably, not dw. Is there beef with sil? Or perhaps she assumed that you'd have to look after the multiple dc?

OhHobnobs · 16/10/2026 22:26

Congratulations to your wife!

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:27

Hohofortherobbers · 16/10/2026 22:26

You are way overthinking this, re the birthday party, she sounds like she was surrounded by w sets of families and kids. She just didn't notice you weren't there, you'd nipped out, she probably hadn't realised you weren't there.
Re the wedding, not her fault, sil did the invites presumably, not dw. Is there beef with sil? Or perhaps she assumed that you'd have to look after the multiple dc?

No both previous occasions were intentional

OP posts:
Original poster
Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:28

OhHobnobs · 16/10/2026 22:26

Congratulations to your wife!

Thanks we’re very proud!

OP posts:
AirborneElephant · 16/10/2026 22:28

Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:28

Thanks we’re very proud!

Show quote history

Apart from the fact you’re not. You are making this all about you.

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:28

CypressGrove · 16/10/2026 22:26

Did no-one have a phone to take a photo with? How are you going to cope if she does actually betray you at some point, if having a photo taking without you is the ultimate betrayal? Why do you say you paid for her graduation stuff - aren't you married and therefore it's all family money? Are you financially abusive as well as controlling?

A little hyperbole on the Ultimate betrayal, but still hurt.

OP posts:
Babayagahaha · 16/10/2026 22:29

You're a whiny man baby that's annoyed with yourself because you didn't get out in time!

Plenty of opportunity to take photos. Most people have a camera in their pocket.

Muffsies · 16/10/2026 22:29

Ponoka7 · 16/10/2026 22:21

I think that you should have stayed home with the children and let her have her day. She can step out of the role of Mum, occasionally. Or at least bought snacks and made sure the children were fully sorted, so the focus was on her. Did your argument include 'all you care about...' which is what women get when they dare to focus on themselves, as people and not be all things to all people.

Ha, we've all heard that one! i once selfishly watered my hanging baskets when one of the kids started crying... "all you care about is your plants"

HereWeGo1234 · 16/10/2026 22:32

Why did you not leave until 9 am? You must’ve known how important it was to have a schedule and stick to it and be out of the house by 8 am.

And why didn’t you bring snacks/breakfast for your young children?

Hohofortherobbers · 16/10/2026 22:32

Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:25

She sleeps in with the little one I get kids ready and do pick ups and drop off everyday thank you

Show quote history

So why could you not do it on this really special day?

ilovesushi · 16/10/2026 22:33

This reply has been deleted

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Meand2Ls · 16/10/2026 22:33

I’m actually starting to hear from the replies this thread was serious

Chilly80 · 16/10/2026 22:34

Oh what a wonderful husband you are paying for her gown and photo 🙄

Get a grip of course she took photos with her family.

Is this the 1st time ever you've looked after your kids alone?

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:34

Hohofortherobbers · 16/10/2026 22:32

So why could you not do it on this really special day?

Show quote history

It’s a bit different getting kids ready for 8 to drive to the local school versus getting kids ready for 8 to tackle rush hour traffic into a major city. By leaving a bit later it meant we weren’t sat around on the motorway unecassaily!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:35

Meand2Ls · 16/10/2026 22:33

I’m actually starting to hear from the replies this thread was serious

Yeah I’m bloody annoyed!

but have been put in my place so fair play mumsnet.

OP posts:
hypnovic · 16/10/2026 22:35

This was her day her celebration totally shit behaviour to take the shine off it and make it all about yourself

Hohofortherobbers · 16/10/2026 22:35

Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 22:21

To leave with the wife the kids would’ve had to be awake at 5. Come on don’t be ridiculous. We made the logically decision to arrive after the ceremony so kids weren’t hanging around bored outside for 90 mins.

Show quote history

No the 90 mins is the ideal time to feed the dc and stretch their legs, ready for the photos, why would you plan to arrive with 4 dc just in time with no leeway?

Thedogscollar · 16/10/2026 22:35

You can either LTB or get a grip.

TheIntricaciesOfHarpUpkeepAndMaintenance · 16/10/2026 22:35

I don’t actually understand what your wife is meant to have done wrong. What was the betrayal?