Ultimate Betrayal

[Mufasa1992]

Been bugging me for a while so here we go.

My wife had her graduation this summer, was so proud of her and all the work she put in. I paid for her gown and graduation photos (solo photo and 1 family photo).

because she’s picked an early morning slot - with travel and the kids it was going to be tight us all making it. So we agreed if me and kids missed pre ceremony photos (wife was driving with parents and siblings) we’d take family photos after the ceremony. To get there on time me and kids needed to set off at 08:00 and with kids being very young the intention was never for us to go into ceremony with it being 90 mins. They’d disrupt the whole thing.

well you guess it we didn’t make it out until after 9, then with driving around for ages looking for parking we just arrived at the end of the ceremony in time to take family photos after.

this was a disaster kids were hungry and in tears in all the photos not looking forward the lot.

fast forward to a few days later and we get to see the photos to choose which ones to order. And the wife has taken beautiful happy photos with her parents and siblings prior to me and kids arriving.

I feel totally betrayed

me and kids were only there for 15 mins despite us being stuck in the car for 2.5 hrs to take photos.

we’ve obviously argued and part of me feels guilty for putting a stain on her big day but the other half thinks why would you take photos without us knowing you that only one family photo could be chosen to purchase.

think it hurts more that’s without us shes got a lovely family photos and with me and the kids she’s got a very messed up unhappy photos.

YABU - she never intended to buy photos without us knowing you and kids and was just indulging herself.

YANBU- yeah she stabbed you in the heart, back and everywhere else. She shouldn’t have taken the photo even if the intention was never to buy.

Given this is a reverse I think you both need therapy asap. You sound very bitter as a wife and all these things together give the impression your husband is just as unhappy.

This is actually quite an interesting thread and shows Mumsnet in its true colours .

People who think poster is a Man discussing his wife's graduation : "You useless idiot, it's not about you, why didn't you get the kids ready earlier and set off on time? "

People who now know it's a woman discussing her husband's graduation : " Oh you poor dear, having to organise that, he's really selfish, is there normally this level of abuse/ demanding behaviour? ".

Brilliant example of Mumsnet gender bias.

Your wife worked hard to gain her degree and you disrespected her by not setting off in time for the photos before her ceremony. Then you act like a spoiled child because she had photos taken with her birth family who did get there on time. Then you think you have been betrayed. Wow grow up and apologise to your wife.

Perfect example of the gender bias here really. Useless man, making his wife's graduation about him, can't look after the kids etc .....except it's really a woman posting about her husband!

You mean "grow up and apologize to her husband".surely.

OP, your post is difficult to understand. However, if this is the worst betrayal you have ever experienced, you have lived a charmed life, so count yourself lucky.

Why are so many people going to the graduation? You can usually only have one or two. It sounds like an absolute circus. You should have got a babysitter and gone along yourself then had a family celebration later.

If the person arriving late was a woman then yes she should apologise. It's very disrespectful behaviour.

I think “I’m really disappointed” might be a bit more of an appropriate title than “ultimate betrayal”.

I don’t understand why you’re upset. Your husband still took the photo with you and the kids as agreed and can choose to purchase that one. How is the fact he also took photos with his parents (that he can choose not to buy) even relevant?

You sound like a prize OP. A prize fucking turkey.

Op the point is not about the photo which u have every right to be annoyed with but the sentiment behind this and other things u have said is he doesn’t prioritise u or make u and the kids feel important to him. This is why u are angry and this is why u need a serious conversation about how he can change this. Good luck!

This!! His wife would have got there on time, had pre booked parking, had snacks and everything would have been fine. Poor woman married to someone who makes an important day all about him.

Ultimate betrayal??

Did anyone change their views once they realised this? If not then where’s the bias?

Lesson learned then.

If, and it's a big if, he wants his kids somewhere for an "Ocassion" then he can help get them ready and out the door with you instead of flouncing off to meet his Mummy and Daddy. If he really wants something he has to do half the heavy lifting.

He's a bit of a prick expecting you to turn up with 4 under 5 happy and well presented little kids when he'd fucked off before they'd had breakfast.

💐

Perfect assessment but you forgot whiny.
Whiny twat.

Why on earth would anyone take young kids to a graduation? It’s not the place for them and it’s definitely not the place for a family photo. I studied with young kids, it’d piss me off if someone took theirs along and disrupted the graduation photos. You should have got childcare and gone to support your partner without them.

It’s not about the photo - it’s about the dynamic where you feel obligated to do something ridiculous and then not appreciated for it. Stop doing the ridiculous demands and start prioritising yourself and your kids.

‘Ultimate betrayal’? You have lead a very sheltered and pleasant life using that term for this. It’s quite extreme language.

Sometimes I go on Mumsnet and think wow, they’ve been wound up enough to post this, and I wouldn’t even think about it twice if it happened to me. If 1992 is your birth year then get ready to toughen up, I’m 17 years ahead of you and know (unless you’re very lucky) one day your life will serve up something really shit and you’ll look back at this and wonder what you were wound up about. That’s coming from a person who has been fairly fortunate in life.

Don’t sweat the small things, it’s small. Trust me.

THAT was the ultimate betrayal??

Yabvu naming this the “ultimate betrayal”.

You had one job, get kids to venue on time. You failed. Own that.

Everything apart from getting there on time.