To expect teen to be in bed by 11pm

[BlueOinkYello]

Its been half term week and i've had to work whilst my 14yo has been off. I have one younger ds as well. I said to ds from the start that even though its half term I need everyone upstairs in their rooms at 11pm every night because i need to get up at 6.30 and ds is so noisy that i can not sleep if hes up. We've had huge falling outs about this all week. He wants to play ps with his friends til early hours and he wants to eat when hungry (ie. midnight microwave noodles etc). I can't deal with that. Aibu?

Sorry no words of wisdom but I totally agree with you 11pm for a 14year old is appropriate and normal!

14 yo? Internet is off and kitchen closed by 10.30 pm.

unplug the router and take it to bed with you.

teens naturally sleep later but there is no need for him to disturb you

I made him eat his dinner at 9pm because thats when he got home. But apparently that wasnt enough and he was hungry again at 11.30pm and started making toasties when i was upstairs waiting to go to sleep.. Yes, drives me mad. Its a constant battle.

It's a no. End of story.

He can have some snacks at his room - or go to work to provide for the family at 6.30 am.

I absolutely agree with you OP. My DC is 18 and don’t we know when they’re home with the noise they make 😂 Everyone upstairs by 11 on a school night.

Oh but he argues that its not a school night because he's on holiday and obviously im a dictator who expects everyone to run on my schedule 😆 And then he came up and came to my bed because our cat was there and complained that now hes not even allowed to cuddle his pets when i told him to go to his own bed 🤦‍♀️

😂 I’m the dictator here too apparently. Hopefully when they’re older they’ll realise we’re actually nice and had everyone’s best interest at heart.

That's fine.
Wake him up at 6.30 am. He can start doing laundry, do the floors and prepare dinner.
Or start to respect other people.

He's messing with the sleep of the person who works to put a roof over his head. That needs to stop. It's super rude and inconsiderate.

Of course the house runs on your schedule. You're paying the bills. Let him know if you lose your job, there goes his gaming and Wi-Fi.

Wake his ass up early and he has chores to do. No gaming until they're done. He has to stop gaming at a certain time. Banging around the kitchen late at night is a no. He eats dinner, keep some yogurts or fruit available for night snack.

I have a kid working shift work and they make stuff when I'm asleep and they manage to do it without waking me. It sounds like your son is really noisy and he needs to learn to moderate that.

I think you are being unreasonable to want them in their rooms and also to close the kitchen but you are not being unreasonable to expect them to be quiet after you have gone to bed. This means PS on headphones if necessary and no shouting! Obviously a set bedtime or internet off time/no gaming time is more reasonable during term time (but not so much closing the kitchen).

all I can say is it does get better when they are working! DD was the same but now shes 22 and working full time she struggles to watch a 9pm itv drama before going to bed 😂😂

It doesn't sound like bedtime is the issue, or even being confined to his room after 11PM. The problem is that he's routinely making sufficient noise between 11 PM and 6:30 AM to keep other household members awake, even although he knows that some have to be up very early. It's his own total selfishness and lack of consideration for others that keeps him confined to his room and it's absurd that he's arguing with you about it. This isn't even an age issue, although it's also reasonable for a parent to set some rules for a 14yo even during school holidays. In addition to wanting the house to be quiet while everyone else is sleeping, I'd also be focused on making sure my teen learns that other people besides him also matter.

I would get him some protein bars or something to keep in his room, though, and let him take the cat in there if she's willing to go.

I voted YABU because your concern is about yourself. in a couple of years it won’t be unreasonable for him to be up late and eating when he wants. Yes he can do it quietly but your sleep issues are your own problem to manage.

Yes you're right. My concern is my own self. He is very noisy and even if i fall askeep He wakes me up with his moving around the house. Banging doors, microwave pinging etc. How do you manage that?

bollocks

I think it’s a bit of both - no internet past a certain time, and stay in your room and don’t disturb others! BUT: lots of kids from around that age are insatiably hungry. I can imagine that just one meal at 9pm might not be enough.

Mine is now 19 and is often up and about at 1am (this will change soon when he starts an apprenticeship!) He will play Xbox, watch movies and make food

I don’t mind but - crucially - he doesn’t disturb me. If he was crashing about that would be a different matter. He knows he needs to be quiet from about 11pm ish and he is. (As a rule!)

He also wasn’t doing it at 14.

if I was you, I’d look to compromise. So no cooking at 11pm … can’t he make something earlier and have it in his room ?

can you put a mini fridge in his room for late night snacks?

My teens are in their rooms by 9pm no negotiation. I need personal space too. Get tougher.

Oof.. i dont think thats the answer for us. His friends are online later than that and he's already the first one to leave the game when i tell him to go upstairs

DD drags it out in the holidays too till about midnight and I struggle to sleep if she’s up. She’ll be in her room though

He needs to start paying the bills or following the rules. Remove his pocket money until he stops waking you up.

I agree with this. Wake him up at 6.30. See how he likes it

Why? He doesn’t need more food.