To expect teen to be in bed by 11pm

[BlueOinkYello]

Its been half term week and i've had to work whilst my 14yo has been off. I have one younger ds as well. I said to ds from the start that even though its half term I need everyone upstairs in their rooms at 11pm every night because i need to get up at 6.30 and ds is so noisy that i can not sleep if hes up. We've had huge falling outs about this all week. He wants to play ps with his friends til early hours and he wants to eat when hungry (ie. midnight microwave noodles etc). I can't deal with that. Aibu?

You can ask a 20 yo to move if they don't respect to be quite from 11pm to 6.30 am.

I take the devices off my DC at 9pm. Food they go hunting for at midnight (but no cooking). Teens are ravenous when they hit their growth spurt.

Oh come on 😅

He needs to have some respect for his parent's need to sleep so that she can work the next day.

I guess i am sound sensitive. Im a light sleeper. Years of single parenting has made me jump at any noise the dc make. And our downstairs is open plan. No doors to close. And i dont close my bedroom door because of the cat. He doesn't tolerate closed doors 😹

None of this is excuses though. Im genuinely interested if ibu because i want to explore my teens suggestion that i might be.

By then he will be old enough to move out and get his own place to make a racket in and that way his Mum can sleep.

You’re definitely NBU but it would make your teen happy if you could manage it. I think it’s always best to try your hardest to say yes to stuff, and when you say no then mean it and mean it for a good reason. So far we’ve managed to maintain trust, love and respect in our house with this mantra!

There is nothing wrong with the rules you have set. I have a 13 year old son, there's no way he would be allowed to stay up all hours gaming and cooking.

Inconsiderate teen boys become entitled men.

That’s a ridiculous response. The OP is the breadwinner and home owner. Her sleep needs are reasonable and trump the late night playtime of a 14 yo.
I would be turning the WiFi off when you go to bed OP and warn him about selfish, noisy use of the kitchen in the middle of the night. Suitable sanctions required.

Sounds a bit prisony at your house!

You did frame the request as being about you, so his comments are not unsurprising.

It would be more effective if you set out your house boundaries in terms of him.

'I want you to get good rest and enough sleep to stay healthy, because being healthy underpins everything else in life.'

You are also prioritising the cat's desire for an open door over your DS' desire for food here.

You're handling this all wrong, rather than the bedtime itself being wrong.

Plus here you are trying to control eating. It's very common for teens to eat before bed.

Are you the teenager??
That’s three posts criticising the OP and ignoring her needs. Baffling.

Do you know cats 😹 He wants to roam the house at night and if he cant get to his rooms, he'll meow and meow for hours until he's let in. And i wouldn't do that anyways. I love him sleeping next to me.

Also i thank you for your genius advice that im doing it all wrong 😅 Very insightful.

This works on a school night but not on holiday when he can sleep in as long as he likes.
Anyways, school starts again on Monday and life is back to normal. He is growing and i need to adapt with him.

I generally work on the basis that as long as you get up for school the next morning and you’re not disturbing anybody else, stay up as late as you want. That worked for us from when he was about 15. He learnt that he had to go to sleep at a decent time else he would be tired, because he had absolutely no choice in whether he had to get up the next morning. If he disturbed us or his younger sisters whilst he was up and we weren’t - he would lose PlayStation privileges the next day.

Mine aren’t allowed to game all night but I know all their mates seem to and if you’re ok with him being up late and all that entails but just want him to be quieter then you both need to compromise.
Get a cat flap for your bedroom door or some other solution and some earplugs that cut out background noise but still let you hear.
He needs to earn the privilege of being allowed to stay up by not disturbing you, he can make a pot noodle rather than use the microwave for example. If he can’t do that then he loses the privilege.
I’ve got two adult DC and two teens at home, and in my experience compromise is key to a happy household with teenagers.

I also recommend getting him into a sport. Mine are often too knackered from training to stay up late or they have an early start even in the holidays so need an early night.

Even this feels late to me! Kitchen closes at 9pm.

He trains martial arts 3 times a week. This is a holiday problem only.

In our house it is a rule for all of us that there are no phones or gaming after 7pm. We (the parents) would rather have our phones obv but don't feel we can have one rule for our 15 year old and another for us. I suggest you need to be firm on being a parent - it is your job to make sure your children get enough sleep and eat properly. Good luck!