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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That you should not put pictures of other peoples children on Facebook???

152 replies

Love2bake · 01/07/2008 16:39

I just noticed that someone I know has put a group picture of some children on their Facebook account.

I know that this person does not have permission from the parents, in fact I am sure the parents dont even know about it.

Is this unreasonable or not??

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 02/07/2008 10:14

I don't think it is a problem if their parents are on FB aswell and also put photos up.

happynappies · 02/07/2008 10:18

I haven't read the whole thread but I agree that it is a point of courtesy to ask before you put up any pictures of other people's children. We don't put up pictures of our own dd - and whether we're being over-protective or not who knows, but FB is not secure. It is not like showing someone a wallet of actual photos - the photos are 'out there' in cyberspace and you can't control who looks at them. I would hope to be asked before anyone posted/tagged a picture of my dd, and I'd respectfully ask if they wouldn't.

GColdtimer · 02/07/2008 10:25

so happynappies (and those of you who are concerned about this), would you be unhappy if your dcs came to my dd's birthday party, I took lots of photos of her having fun with her friends and put them up on flickr for my overseas relatives (friends and family only) to see? This is a genuine question because it is something I have just done and it didn't occur to me that this might be a problem for people.

[naive emoticon]

happynappies · 02/07/2008 10:28

Yes - and if you did ask me, I'd respectfully request that you didn't, but if you didn't ask me, then I wouldn't know, and obviously would have no way of limiting how you used your photos - they are your property after all.

reethi96 · 02/07/2008 10:29

YANBU. I discovered my sil has photos of ds on there, she is not one of my facebook friends so anyone can obviously view them. It makes me uncomfortable that she put them there without asking whether we minded.

happynappies · 02/07/2008 10:31

I didn't realise that if a friend posts a comment about someone else's photo, the comment appears as an update on your profile, and from there you can click through a whole album belonging to a person that is not a friend. This happened recently - and I had access to 40+ pictures of someone else's baby. I don't think that is right. I think most people think FB is secure in that only your friends can see your photos, but it isn't the case. How many times have you seen photos belonging to friends of friends who you don't know from Adam?

GColdtimer · 02/07/2008 10:39

Thanks. I would obviously respect your wishes but I still can't really understand what your concerns are I have to admit.

It also seems a bit bizarre that I would ask permission of each and any every parent at dds birthday party before I took any photos then had to carefully select the photos I uploaded based on permissions received.

UnquietDad · 02/07/2008 10:41

happynappies - I think (although I'm not sure) that only happens if the person whose photo has been commented on hasn't set their photos only to be seen by friends.

happynappies · 02/07/2008 10:44

My concerns are about photos of my child being viewed on the internet by people I don't know. I obviously can't limit strangers taking pictures at the zoo or on the beach, but if a friend is taking pictures and has the courtesy to ask if I mind her uploading the pics on FB, I'll happily say 'yes' and ask her not to. Personally I wouldn't post any pictures of parties etc, as I wouldn't put pictures of other people's children online. Having pictures on the hard disk of the PC is very different to viewing paper copies of someone's pictures in an album...

happynappies · 02/07/2008 10:46

UnquietDad - I'm sure people generally think that only their friends can see the pictures though - the whole thing is just a bit unnerving.

FlutterbyButterfly · 02/07/2008 10:46

Hi I know someone that has done this they have put my DS on here and have not even had the decency to ask me. I think they should ASK a parents consent to do this for faceboook and the like.

GColdtimer · 02/07/2008 10:57

But why happynappies? Why don't you want people you don't know to see photos of your DCs? They don't know them. Is it the principle or are you worried about what someone might do with those images? Am I being incredibly naive her or do we just simply have different views on the matter?

I do think it is a shame that I can't share photos of big events in DDs life with my friends and family who live overseas without getting permission from everyone who is at that event, even though my flickr account is locked to friends and family. Obviously that is what I will do from now on.

LavenderMist · 02/07/2008 11:07

Another take on this, by restricting who can see photos of your dcs, you're not just stopping a potential paedophile from viewing the photo (unlikely anyway IMO) but also stopping nice 'normal' people from viewing them too, and maybe getting innocent pleasure from them.
An example, I recently uploaded photos to flickr as open to all. Very soon after that I got a comment ( in Spanish) saying what a 'tender moment' the picture showed. It was lovely to think that someone hundreds of miles away, whom I'd never met, was moved to comment.

Having said that, I know that other people don't agree with me and I wouldn't post photos of them or their dcs without asking first.

happynappies · 02/07/2008 11:10

Its both I guess - I've worked with offenders in the past, and it worries me from the point of view that people don't all view photos innocently, it worries me that people can find out things about you from the internet (knowing you have children - find out where you live, what school they attend etc) - which doesn't fill me with confidence. And just the principle that with all these concerns in mind, people shouldn't just be posting up pictures of other people's children without their consent - if they are fine about it that is great. I appreciate that it 'spoils it' for the majority of people, but thats the way it is these days. I'd love to have some photos of my dd swimming in her local pool, but cameras aren't allowed for all these reasons, and I totally understand it. I guess its another of those issues that divides MN - we're all different!!

happynappies · 02/07/2008 11:12

If its a case of stopping a paedophile and a nice normal person from viewing the pictures, I'd rather stop both, and I couldn't really care less that a genuine nice person has missed out on the opportunity to have a look at a picture of someone else's child...

rebelmum1 · 02/07/2008 11:23

I think as long as there are no contact details and names it's ok.

rebelmum1 · 02/07/2008 11:24

Only people who you have verified as friends can see the photos anyway. I have my dd on there.

happynappies · 02/07/2008 11:26

But I have seen pictures of children who are friends of friends' children on FB - I presume their parents think that only friends can see their dc's...

aly16 · 02/07/2008 11:30

I think they should ask first. I'm on facebook but have privacy settings on so only people I want can view my pics but I would be angry if someone posted pic of my DD without asking me first xx

ChukkyPig · 02/07/2008 11:34

But by stopping the maybe one in 100,000 person who may be a paedophile looking at a picture, you are stopping 99,999 nice normal people seeing pictures of children who may be family members etc.

Doesn't this seem disproportionate?

Following this logic, I would say that all men should be put in prison immediately. People who perpetrate sexual abuse and violence are usually men. Taking them all off the streets would certainly make a real difference in terms of stopping abuse.

UnquietDad · 02/07/2008 11:45

chukkypig - indeed...and that sounds like a version of my mum's rationale for "sending home" all immigrants...

rebelmum1 · 02/07/2008 11:47

Quite.

rebelmum1 · 02/07/2008 11:47

Just keep a few sperms back for breeding.

rebelmum1 · 02/07/2008 11:49

A few of them could be let out now and then to put shelves up and mow the lawns. They'd have to be shackled though.

kslatts · 02/07/2008 12:01

I wouldn't put photo's of other people's dc's on my facebook, but if someone put photo's of my dd's on theirs I wouldn't have a problem with it.

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