A Christmas/AIBU/what do you do about Santa presents

[Rubyreds45]

Who do your children think their presents come from- parents or Santa?

The situation is that our eldest child attends a nursery and last week the nursery put a message out essentially asking parents to tell their children that the majority of their presents are from their parents, and to choose just one present specifically something low cost (the examples they gave were PJ’s, chocolates, socks or a book) to be the present from Santa. Their explanation for this was that it prevents a situation they say they have had in previous years where all of the children come back in January chatting about Christmas presents and some children have had lots and lots of toys from Santa and other children have had a bar of chocolate & some socks from Santa, the children with less ended up confused and upset.

Growing up all of our presents were always from Santa (other than ones from family/friends), both of our kids are young enough that we’ve never really said who they are from yet and we are just wondering really is this what parents say now?

It has caused uproar among the nursery parents with strong opinions either side, lots saying that the magic of Christmas is piles from Santa and that they won’t change that, also lots saying its not fair on the children with parents who can’t afford huge piles and so they only get chocolate from Santa but find out at nursery that that friend got piles of toys and so they argue we all need to be saying those expensive things are from parents.

I don’t particularly have an opinion either way, so really just wondering what other parents do? Just one present from Santa? All from Santa? Particular low cost from Santa? All from parents? We are fortunate in that we can afford to buy for Christmas whatever our children want really, but I would hate to think that another child will hear ours talking about her toys and wonder why Santa didn’t bring him the same so I can definitely see the point in just having something low cost from Santa- but that only really works if everyone does it.

My only gripe with the nursery about the whole thing really is that as an activity the week before last they did a “lets do Christmas lists for Santa” activity so all kids sat round and produced lists of toys with help from staff obviously to bring home to parents. For me, if I was concerned about children feeling disappointed over Christmas presents I probably wouldn’t be encouraging them all to sit and write lists of toys together knowing that some of those children will get every item on their list and some will get none. Maybe that activity prompted a parent to complain and led to their message being sent out, who knows.

@Betterversionofme I'm actually shocked that you think it's ok to tell your kids that their friends' parents are lying. While you are lying. I don't know how to explain it clearer than that. Maybe we have to agree to disagree.

Santa brings stocking and one small pressie

rest comes from me

I went dd to know I worked hard /saved to buy what she really wanted

No I have never said any of those things to my child. I have probably accidentally said things that weren't true to them, but never intentionally, it's a point of principle for me.

I don't think we need to descend into personal attacks though.

Also, Christmas is literally about Jesus. The Santa stuff just got attached along the way.

And the Bible warns against magic.

In our hpuse the kids get a stocking from Santa and 1 present, never the main present though always just a medium priced item.

In my house, the presents me and my partner buy are from Santa. Whether it cost £7 or £70
Although we are announcing a holiday on Christmas and that'll be from us.
Anything given to the kids from others are obviously just from that person

In our house (and mine as a kid) Santa brings one present, usually something in the £10-15 price range, but always something that’s been asked for. Last year it was a
specific pair of PJs, the year before it was a fancy dress costume. I want my child to appreciate that we (along with friends and family) make the effort to choose and buy her presents rather than someone else getting the credit for them! However I think the nursery might be overthinking it, the kids I know don’t put much emphasis on what Santa bought, they just talk about what they got for Christmas!

The vast majority of people who celebrate Christmas in this country are doing the Santa, non religious version. Christians might not like that, but it's true.

All that I buy for dd, stocking and the main, are from Father Christmas. I work with kids and in my experience they compare what they've got, not who it is from. That's just my own experience, of course, but it's what my parents did for me too.

When the kids still believed, Father Christmas filled the stocking with small gifts. All other presents were from me and family. I did it this way as it was how it was done when I was a child. Tbh it wasn't until social media that I realised this wasn't how everybody did it!

I think I was more excited about the stocking presents than the big presents (except for the year when I got a Mr Frosty), and my kids were the same.

It was a lovely part of Christmas eve. Hanging up the stockings by the fireplace, and setting out the milk, mince pie, and carrot (or baileys, yule log, and carrot) before bed.

Parent and family presents go under the tree before christmas day.

As a child, I really don't remember talking about who gave us what presents, we just talked about what we got.

I think the nursery has overstepped the mark tbh. I understand the idea behind it, but you can't ask parents to change how they do Christmas. I doubt nursery aged children would even really understand.

This. The nursery needs to stay in their lane and l would continue with our Christmas traditions

It was originally yule and all the Jesus stuff just got attached during Christianisation no?

I meant that the name Christmas is celebrating Jesus. It was put onto the same day as a pagan festival when Christianity came to the UK so the traditions got a bit mixed up I guess. I'm sure other people know more about the details of that period in our history anyway. But I only mentioned it in response to the previous poster who brought up the Bible in a reply to me.

Having said that, Santa traditions came out of St Nicholas who was a Christian apparently.

I wouldn’t have nursery tell me how to do Santa/Christmas!
But I always told my children that we bought and wrapped the presents and sent them to Santa! But that was how my Mam did with me ! Mainly because she didn’t have loads of money and needed us not to be disappointed!
My Dad was always more surprised with our presents than us children!

Father Christmas brings the stocking and 2-3 gifts here. They are wrapped in different paper. I wouldn't change up our family tradition on a recommendation from the nursery, i doubt anyone would. Would they not be better off doing a toy collection for anyone struggling?

From young my son was told Father Christmas had to be paid for the presents so even if they asked for things it depends on how much money we had for gifts.

I grew up broke, Christmas was a real financial pressure and I know if we had more realistic expectations it would’ve been easier.

I have always done stockings from Father Christmas and presents under the tree from me or family.
I'm not giving Father Christmas the credit for everything, it doesn't reflect the work or thought I put in to there presents.

I think nursery are massively overstepping and it’s frankly non of their business.

saying that, in our house Father Christmas brings just the stocking (normal stocking size not a sack) and everything else comes from us/family. If they say why others get more from father Christmas we say it’s because he knows that we already get them so many presents 😂.
we’re a low income family and we want credit for presents because I work hard to make it special for them, i don’t care if that sounds bad

forgot to add- if nursery asked DC what Santa got them then they would sound like they didn’t get much (just a stocking with small toys, and sweets etc) so then they would assume the worst.
if they asked in general ‘what did you get for Christmas’ it would be a completely different answer.

Stockings from Father Christmas, big presents from us. It’s still magical getting a stocking of fun bits and treats and it means no other child feels like shit or confused because another kid got a bike and they got a colouring book (for example)

I don’t think the nursery has any right to dictate what you choose to give “from Santa”. Nor do I believe that nursery age children are comparing notes about what Santa brought them, frankly.
A child who got a stocking with some sweets and bits of tat would hopefully still think they’d got loads of presents - and would not realise that the child next to them actually got a whole pillowcase stuffed with expensive toys.
I always got tat (back in the seventies) but had nothing to compare it to and thought it was fantastic!
As parents, we always said the stocking presents were from Santa (opened in our bed first thing in the morning) and the presents under the tree were from real people (us, Granny, aunts and uncles etc). I prefer it done that way but people are allowed to do it however they want.

Shall we all just agree to stop lying to kids about pointless shit???

What a ridiculous issue for this country to have 😆😆😆😆😆😆 not criticising you OP, it's a collective bullshit issue. Let's bin off the santa tradition. It's so weird and creepy anyway!! Why are we getting kids used to sitting on strange men's laps and being kewl with strange men walking about their house at night 😂😂 ah man.

Yes - and for all kids have wish lists, it's the unexpected hits that are the best, IMO.

As my son is 3, I've primed him a bit on what he will get rather than asking him want he wants.

But we go with stocking from FC and one sizeable (not necessarily expensive) gift from FC, who uses different paper to us. Another main gift from us, and smaller ones.

I agree the nursery is strange to have an activity about asking Santa for so many things (they could have cut out pictures they like, even a wish list, without connecting it to Santa) and then turn around and tell parents how to do their holidays in this way.

I also agree with pp that kids, if they talk about it, discuss what they got rather than who they got it from. The confusion would easily come at that age with differences however they come. They're still at an age where that can be challenging.

When I was growing up, it was one present from Santa, the rest from parents and other family members that built up under the tree over December (family lived quite far apart so some was delivered/brought wrapped up early), but at the slightest hint we didn't believe, my mother would say 'if you don't believe, you won't get any presents'.

DH growing up, he can't recall Father Christmas bringing presents at all to the house. He got small toy or treat from Father Christmas at an annual village event, but otherwise it was all from his parents.

We don't celebrate Christmas so didn't do Santa/Father Christmas with our kids. I told my kids from the time they noticed Santa stuff that it was a game many play as part of their Christmas fun, and we don't ruin other people's fun by saying he's fake or otherwise being mean just like we don't want people to be mean about how we have fun and how we do our holidays. It was never an issue with other kids (other adults could be a different story) -- but they never attended anywhere that did anything like this or really put a lot on this. Christmas stuff in general, sure, and talk about what the kids had done, so what they did with what they got was more the focus on who was bringing what.

I’m not a nursery staff but I can’t picture my then 4 yr old and in fact any of his friends having this kind of conversation. Especially a week or two after Christmas.

All of the cartoons and films I can think of show FC making/delivering one gift each under the tree, or a stocking at the end of the bed. I do a combination, a stocking and one bigger present under the tree.
If parents want to do a big pile, I don't think it's less magical for kids to know they're from parents when they've still somehow just appeared over night!