A Christmas/AIBU/what do you do about Santa presents

[Rubyreds45]

Who do your children think their presents come from- parents or Santa?

The situation is that our eldest child attends a nursery and last week the nursery put a message out essentially asking parents to tell their children that the majority of their presents are from their parents, and to choose just one present specifically something low cost (the examples they gave were PJ’s, chocolates, socks or a book) to be the present from Santa. Their explanation for this was that it prevents a situation they say they have had in previous years where all of the children come back in January chatting about Christmas presents and some children have had lots and lots of toys from Santa and other children have had a bar of chocolate & some socks from Santa, the children with less ended up confused and upset.

Growing up all of our presents were always from Santa (other than ones from family/friends), both of our kids are young enough that we’ve never really said who they are from yet and we are just wondering really is this what parents say now?

It has caused uproar among the nursery parents with strong opinions either side, lots saying that the magic of Christmas is piles from Santa and that they won’t change that, also lots saying its not fair on the children with parents who can’t afford huge piles and so they only get chocolate from Santa but find out at nursery that that friend got piles of toys and so they argue we all need to be saying those expensive things are from parents.

I don’t particularly have an opinion either way, so really just wondering what other parents do? Just one present from Santa? All from Santa? Particular low cost from Santa? All from parents? We are fortunate in that we can afford to buy for Christmas whatever our children want really, but I would hate to think that another child will hear ours talking about her toys and wonder why Santa didn’t bring him the same so I can definitely see the point in just having something low cost from Santa- but that only really works if everyone does it.

My only gripe with the nursery about the whole thing really is that as an activity the week before last they did a “lets do Christmas lists for Santa” activity so all kids sat round and produced lists of toys with help from staff obviously to bring home to parents. For me, if I was concerned about children feeling disappointed over Christmas presents I probably wouldn’t be encouraging them all to sit and write lists of toys together knowing that some of those children will get every item on their list and some will get none. Maybe that activity prompted a parent to complain and led to their message being sent out, who knows.

My husband does 1 present from Santa and goes as far as destroying all the evidence that we bought and wrapped it. It used to really piss me off the effort he went to to make sure there was a specific Santa present because as a kid I don't remember anything like that I probably just didn't believe in Santa from a young age. Now I realise he's right if nursery is asking everyone to do the same

Also my mum threatened to ruin the retoric by saying to my son "Santa came by my house and left you this present" so we had to ask her not to and say it was from her.

It’s that time of year

Totally agree the Christmas list activity was just a crazy decision from the nursery- especially given they are now saying they have in previous years had children upset coming back after the break and hearing about what other children received from Santa.

I assume (for the purpose of the activity) that they were encouraging the kids to choose lots of toys to cut out and stick on, which is great, but I can imagine if I was a parent who knew I wasn’t going to be able to get even 1 present from that list I would have been complaining to the nursery for putting those thoughts in my child’s head anyway.

We always one thing and a stocking from Santa.
The village had a tradition where Santa came round in early december, met the children, they got a little bag of sweets... and collected toys for charity. The children knew they went to families who couldnt afford Christmas presents so were happy to help Santa so he could give those children extra.

Growing up everything was from Santa which is pretty insane, it meant my mum didn’t get any credit! I generally say the main gift is from Santa and everything else is from us. If there’s no distinct “main” as in most expensive, it’s just whichever gift they really really wanted. They get Christmas Eve boxes from the elves too.

Santa brings the stocking, small low cost items. Anything else implies poor children are not as 'good' as rich ones.

I was also very upset when I bought my 4 yo goddaughter a £50 gift when I was a poor student and her mum said it was from Santa so I got no thanks. I gave her the present in her arms after that.

Santa brings the stocking and one mid-sized present, usually a surprise or something cool or unusual. The big present and everything else from us are from us (if you see what I mean!) in different paper, and he's always known that everything under the tree is from family and friends. This has worked well for 19 years 😆

In our house Santa brings 2-3 smallish presents, which are wrapped in a different paper. No electronics, as the elves don't know how to make those - they make toys, not iPads lol. And no big presents, as Santa needs to make sure there's enough space in the sleigh for everyone's presents.

We've already had a few variations of "But Santa brought Jonny an iPad for Christmas" and I've dealt with them by being very casual - ah maybe Johnny got mixed up with all the presents and this one was actually from his mummy and daddy. Or with kids talking about present mountains - yes, Santa wants to make Christmas is very special for every child, so if their mummy and daddy can't afford to buy much, he brings extra presents for some children.

I appreciate we're in a fortunate position, so not sure how I would've dealt with these questions, if all we could afford was chocolate and socks. But as a child, who didn't get much for Christmas compared to my friends, I remember thinking maybe I was naughty or not as good as other children. Hence I wanted to put some sort of limits for Santa's presents for my children.

Maybe she didn't need the credit? She knew the truth, she got to see you excited and happy and as you grew up you understood it was her all along and so she gets "credit" now anyway.

We do a mix of "from Santa" and "from parents/family" etc but I've never thought about "getting credit" and was a bit surprised how much of a Thing it seems to be.

I get teaching kids to be appreciative and everything, but you can do that all through the year AND at Christmas in lots of ways, Santa doesn't have to take anything away from it.

I think it’s fine to highlight the challenge they have after Christmas with the disparity but to suggest how families should ‘do’ Santa is very brave! Instead they need to think about how they can tackle those conversations in the new year. Every primary school is in the same boat.

This always sparks so much debate! My kids ask Santa for one present, which he delivers and also he fills their stocking. All.other gifts are from us friends and family and have a thank you sent. They're 17 and 19 this Christmas and we still do it hahaha!

To be honest, nursery can say/ask what they like, and parents can respond however they'd like.
Nursery can't dictate what goes on in families homes for Christmas.

Surely who brings the presents makes no difference to kids that young - they’re going to know some had more and some had less regardless?

I see their point but I’d be annoyed that nursery expect to dictate this tbh.

In our house, Santa brings a stocking for upstairs and a big main present and a small few that go with it (eg a toy kitchen then some pots and wooden food) and everything else is from us.

Santa brings a stocking and one “big present” for our kids - this year it will be theatre tickets. Last year it was a year membership to a kids party place and the year before he got them their kits for BMX racing and paid the fees for their competitions for a year.
parents get them the gift they have actually asked for (this year a bike and a mini fridge).
This has been the rule when I was growing up and will continue to be the rule in our house. If someone wants to spoil their kids through “Santa” I’m 100% certain my kids have never been bothered by it at all.
Best “Santa rule” anyone can have IMO is; Santa has mum’s phone number and he rings to check if the kids are allowed x, y or z first before it comes into the house. So my kids have always known they won’t get iPads off Santa because “Mum doesn’t like them in the house” or because “mum had already gotten us one when Santa asked”.

I do stocking from Santa (and try to match the paper with whatever Santa the kids saw that year, for the presents I put in the stocking!) which has small gifts, but maybe one hard to find one for the magic, like if there's a toy you order online they haven't seen in the shops.
I like that because then the grandparents etc can give their present and the children thank them, and also they realise about expense/that they can't have a pony, as Santa was originally a good man who went round in a red cloak giving gifts for all children, so they can't be too extravagant. This will also help when they grow up, as you can tell them the St Nick story, either relating it to religion if you're Christian, or if not, you can still say people believe a real man in red did give presents, and parents today commemorate this by using the magic story for younger kids).
It's also great because you can wrap and put most gifts under the tree, and only have to hide/wrap at the last minute a stocking amount!

My DCs are older now, in fact eldest is due to have a baby soon. I always did one present from Santa and it wasn’t always the main gift it was sometimes something they really wanted but knew I would never buy (slime, playdoh). Everything else was from us.
Santa’s gift was wrapped in plain red or silver paper and the rest of the presents from us were wrapped in their own paper linked to that years interests.

When my kids were really little, Santa presents were things that looked like an elf could have made it in a workshop. I’d cut tags off plush animals or take anything without corporate branding out of a box. I’d wrap Santa presents in one wrapping paper and “mom and dad” presents in a different one.

Then during the pandemic, my older daughter discovered that her little sister’s new baby doll had “Madame Alexander” stamped on the back of its neck. So I said, “Oh, it looks like Santa and the elves are getting help from toy companies this year. Maybe a lot of the elves are recovering from the coronavirus.” 😂

I tried not to do big flashy presents as Santa presents, but the idea of Santa leaving just a chocolate bar or socks saps the magic from the whole thing. Everyone knows Santa and the elves make TOYS in their workshop.

When I was a child all the presents came from Father Christmas. Dh had a stocking from FC and the rest from his parents.

As we have children we do stocking from FC and the presents under the tree are from us because quite frankly I wanted my children to know who had put all the effort into sourcing the toys and actually buying them. Any present from a friend or relative is given to them with the knowledge of who it came from.

My sister did everything from FC and whilst handing my Ds his present from her he asked me why his Aunt doesn't buy any presents for her own children but he gets one? That was a hard one to answer.

Plus the whole FC doesn't give gifts to naughty children goes out the window when the most badly behaved child in class gets presents from FC ever year. Easier for us to explain that FC just brings those token gifts in their stocking.

None of the nurseries business how people parent their children with regards Xmas and Santa etc!!!

Stockings from Father Christmas, always. I am utterly baffled by the idea of FC bringing huge piles of presents, but children getting nothing from their nearest and dearest.

We did a stocking and had one present that did not have a “from” label. We never said it was from Santa. That distinction got picked up from nursery. We provided the unlabeled gift because we didn’t want our child to feel left out.

What was the gift? It was whatever item was hard to wrap or set out. That way I could wrap it differently from the rest and it didn’t need to be under the tree in perfect paper in advance. Some years it was cheap. Some years it was expensive.

I don’t think our child ever felt deprived because the cumulative gifts were always good. Well, that is not true entirely. We did get into a bit of an argument about whether or not this Santa character could deliver live animals. I told her that was the parents pretending the puppy was Santa. I pointed out that a puppy couldn’t possibly be safe on a sleigh. She didn’t believe me.

In our house, Santa brings the stocking. DD6 has admitted she knows it's actually me, but we'll continue to play the game. Prior to her working it out, I knew it was fun to have Santa involved but I also wanted to her to understand that most of the time and money put in to making Christmas special was us

I think nursery is out of order to try to control this. It's up to individual families to decide.

In my experience nursery children don't really go into that much detail about what they got with each other and wouldn't specify if it was "from Santa". And they aren't particularly interested in one another's possessions anyway, and certainly don't have any idea of cost. They are likely to be just as jealous that Olivia got a knock off Barbie from B & M as they are that Leo got an iPad, and to have forgotten both by teatime.

Do you think they'll remember? My SD once got up extra early and basically copied the Argos catalogue onto a piece of paper and gave it to us. She was about 7. She got none of the things on the list because it was all rubbish that she wouldn't even have used, and she'd forgotten all of it long before Christmas. DD6 is the same now, she wants everything she sees. I photograph it and tell her I'll remember it for Christmas. She never mentions it again.

I'd say to nursery that 'no way. It might work for nursery but not for my family. Nurseries exist to support families, not other way round.'
To my child: 'Of course, all presents are from Santa. No, I don't know why other children say presents are from parents. I am very sure presents are from Santa. Santa very much loves children and he knows what is the best present for you. Santa knows your heart, even if you on purpose (something bad) but you are sorry he understands. Even if you are not sorry, he understands (Christopher is school is exceptionally mean. I want kick him too). Santa loves children.'