A Christmas/AIBU/what do you do about Santa presents

[Rubyreds45]

Who do your children think their presents come from- parents or Santa?

The situation is that our eldest child attends a nursery and last week the nursery put a message out essentially asking parents to tell their children that the majority of their presents are from their parents, and to choose just one present specifically something low cost (the examples they gave were PJ’s, chocolates, socks or a book) to be the present from Santa. Their explanation for this was that it prevents a situation they say they have had in previous years where all of the children come back in January chatting about Christmas presents and some children have had lots and lots of toys from Santa and other children have had a bar of chocolate & some socks from Santa, the children with less ended up confused and upset.

Growing up all of our presents were always from Santa (other than ones from family/friends), both of our kids are young enough that we’ve never really said who they are from yet and we are just wondering really is this what parents say now?

It has caused uproar among the nursery parents with strong opinions either side, lots saying that the magic of Christmas is piles from Santa and that they won’t change that, also lots saying its not fair on the children with parents who can’t afford huge piles and so they only get chocolate from Santa but find out at nursery that that friend got piles of toys and so they argue we all need to be saying those expensive things are from parents.

I don’t particularly have an opinion either way, so really just wondering what other parents do? Just one present from Santa? All from Santa? Particular low cost from Santa? All from parents? We are fortunate in that we can afford to buy for Christmas whatever our children want really, but I would hate to think that another child will hear ours talking about her toys and wonder why Santa didn’t bring him the same so I can definitely see the point in just having something low cost from Santa- but that only really works if everyone does it.

My only gripe with the nursery about the whole thing really is that as an activity the week before last they did a “lets do Christmas lists for Santa” activity so all kids sat round and produced lists of toys with help from staff obviously to bring home to parents. For me, if I was concerned about children feeling disappointed over Christmas presents I probably wouldn’t be encouraging them all to sit and write lists of toys together knowing that some of those children will get every item on their list and some will get none. Maybe that activity prompted a parent to complain and led to their message being sent out, who knows.

I also thought this! Our daughter was absolutely convinced that Santa was bringing her toys the next day… and every day since then🤣

I just wanted to share a memory from my school days.

Class returns after Xmas and teacher goes round asking everyone "What did Santa bring you?"

One by one we answered, till the teacher came to "Susan" who answered
"Santa didn't come to our house"
I still remember the silence and the teacher's face.

So, I'm with the nursery.

How would the nursery policy make anything better for Susan?

The nursery have no right at all to be making requests about what people do in their own homes and if be telling them as much.

I understand where they are coming from. We live in London in a very diverse socio economic area so I have thought about this.

DS, 4, will get one toy from Father Christmas, something to wear, a book and a stocking.

So this year the main Santa present is a Buzz Lightyear, he’ll also give DS a pair of Spider-Man slippers and a book about dinosaurs, plus a stocking which will have a hot wheels car or two, a Yoto card & chocolate coins.

I want him to feel the magic of Santa without going too overboard or creating a situation where he goes to school and tells other kids about the expensive thing Santa brought him.

Reading it back it actually sounds like quite a lot, but I think we’ll stick to this formula.

Exactly what we have always said. Plus saves me having to write tags saying who they are from as they are all from Santa so no tag needed 👍🏻

It wouldn't help Susan.

But the nursery policy would make sure that Lacey Mae and Kayden don't get upset by hearing Santa brought shit loads more presents to Savannah's house.

Massive overreach from the nursery. People have their own traditions. It's hardly difficult to explain to children that in some houses santa brings the big presents and in some he brings the little presents and parents give the big ones. Children are remarkably able to accept this sort of thing.

Here it's stockings from santa and tree presents from family. I do very good stockings though- things people will actually want- so the financial cost of each can totally vary.

These days I don't think any teacher would be so thoughtless as to ask this question.

This is what we do too. The gifts are from us but delivered by Santa.
They've been humouring us since they were five though.

All gifts are from Santa here. Its the magic of christmas.

I would have agreed with you, but then I also thought that given the nursery already know they have parents for whom money is very tight they wouldn’t have set up a whole activity around choosing toys from catalogues and cutting/sticking them to produce a christmas list of £100’s worth of toys to send home with them!

There are always kids who get loads, I’m not sure it makes a difference if it’s from Santa or parents, dc that get go to lapland, loads of christmas outings etc. I think trying to create some parity around Christmas is impossible.

And dc like Susan who get nothing would still feel bad.

Santa is essentially the delivery guy in our house I think.

Yes, we talk about Santa bringing presents, but they all have labels with people's names on as to who they are from.

There has never been a deep discussion about the intricacies of this. I think it's a bit mad for the nursery to try to dictate what the parents should say about Santa. I'm not sure that such young children would react any differently about differences in the number of gifts being from parents Vs santa

Nursery are already making you pay through the nose for childcare, they dont police your homelife.

We dont do lots of presents so santa brings the ones we buy, i would not even entertain this

Absolutely this, FFS are nursery aged kids even going to remember if the balance bike was from mum or Santa or are they just going to go back in January saying oh mummy let me eat FIVE chocolates off the tree because it was Christmas 🤷🤣

Everyone just needs to do what works for them and teach their kids to be grateful and not braggy, which they should be doing anyway, not just for Christmas!

We do a mix of gifts, other people do just stocking, some say they send Santa money, others do everything from Santa, some say from the start the big man in red isn't real... I don't care what they do, if it works for them just let them crack on and do your thing.

This is sort of my husband’s view too.

Would a young child be any less disappointed to know their parents didn’t get them xyz toy than if Santa didn’t, I don’t know, but as you say there are still going to be children with nothing or very little regardless of where they think the presents come from.

Surely it's the teacher in this situation that should be taught something about being sensitive and not the parents.

I’d be appalled if I received an email like this. Encouraging children to be sensitive about what others may or may not receive is absolutely fair, but dictating other families’ Christmas traditions is not. That’s a massive overstep by the nursery. And what about the families that don't celebrate Christmas? Should they be buying presents from Santa to make it equal to all the other kids?

Santa is a special postman, friends & family give him their gifts to give to children.

@Rubyreds45 We say the stocking is from Santa and it’s one thing they get really excited about and always open that first. I’ll then label one ‘big’ gift from Santa as it’s usually been on their ‘list’ (last year was a bike, for example) but everything else is labelled from mum and dad. I work hard for that morning I want the glory 😂

Also as someone who’s kids are older I can promise you they don’t give a shiny shit who it’s from really they just see heaps of gifts waiting for them!! My sister spends ages portioning out the Santa gifts so her kids get an exact amount from ‘him’ and I think she’s mad, given I ask my nieces that evening what Santa got them and they just look at me blank!!! I think if there’s too many from Santa it’s so hard for kids to remember, whereas if it’s just ‘Santa got me a new bike’ it’s easy!

Stocking from Santa. Other presents from people, including my parents. My mum's entirely reasonable argument was that why should Santa take all the credit? Also it makes no sense that parents wouldn't officially but their children a present, but Auntie Jane would.

I'd want more than one or two things in a stocking though; part of the fun when you are tiny is lots of little things to unwrap.

I think this disparity will always happen and it was unreasonable for nursery to try and get involved.
I imagine they got some negative feedback after that Christmas list activity and are trying to course correct but it was a poor choice of activity in my opinion.
We have always done that stockings at the end of the bed are from santa, all small and low value items. Presents under the tree are from parents and family members.
Same way as when I was child, we grew up with very little money so my parents weren't going to let santa take all the credit lol, Christmas was and still is extremely special and magical for us.

Everything was from Santa. Was always magical. All our friends did the same

When we grew up my parents said they sent the money to Santa and he bought and delivered the presents. I was going to follow this for LO.