A Christmas/AIBU/what do you do about Santa presents

[Rubyreds45]

Who do your children think their presents come from- parents or Santa?

The situation is that our eldest child attends a nursery and last week the nursery put a message out essentially asking parents to tell their children that the majority of their presents are from their parents, and to choose just one present specifically something low cost (the examples they gave were PJ’s, chocolates, socks or a book) to be the present from Santa. Their explanation for this was that it prevents a situation they say they have had in previous years where all of the children come back in January chatting about Christmas presents and some children have had lots and lots of toys from Santa and other children have had a bar of chocolate & some socks from Santa, the children with less ended up confused and upset.

Growing up all of our presents were always from Santa (other than ones from family/friends), both of our kids are young enough that we’ve never really said who they are from yet and we are just wondering really is this what parents say now?

It has caused uproar among the nursery parents with strong opinions either side, lots saying that the magic of Christmas is piles from Santa and that they won’t change that, also lots saying its not fair on the children with parents who can’t afford huge piles and so they only get chocolate from Santa but find out at nursery that that friend got piles of toys and so they argue we all need to be saying those expensive things are from parents.

I don’t particularly have an opinion either way, so really just wondering what other parents do? Just one present from Santa? All from Santa? Particular low cost from Santa? All from parents? We are fortunate in that we can afford to buy for Christmas whatever our children want really, but I would hate to think that another child will hear ours talking about her toys and wonder why Santa didn’t bring him the same so I can definitely see the point in just having something low cost from Santa- but that only really works if everyone does it.

My only gripe with the nursery about the whole thing really is that as an activity the week before last they did a “lets do Christmas lists for Santa” activity so all kids sat round and produced lists of toys with help from staff obviously to bring home to parents. For me, if I was concerned about children feeling disappointed over Christmas presents I probably wouldn’t be encouraging them all to sit and write lists of toys together knowing that some of those children will get every item on their list and some will get none. Maybe that activity prompted a parent to complain and led to their message being sent out, who knows.

It's well beyond the remit of a nursery to dictate how you do Santa! I think they're insane, and I'd ignore it tbh.

Generations of dc have kept their belief in Santa despite everyone doing it differently.

The message from the nursery would annoy me, personally would consider it an over reach.

For us everything is from Santa but mum and dad pay the bill. We have also always talked about all families being different and do things differently. To me the nursery should be helping teach them that every family and person is different and discouraging talk of presents regardless of who brought it - some may not even celebrate Christmas.

Nursery can piss off tbh. They don’t get to dictate family traditions.

We "buy" them and Santa "brings" them, Santa leaves a selection box and maybe a small token present.

We always did some presents from Santa (in the stocking/sack), some from us.
I think your nursery's suggestion is coming from a good place, it makes sense.

Stockings with bits and pieces from Father Christmas.
All proper presents from real people.

Real people can be thanked.
Real people explains why some children get a lot and some not so much.
Stockings are 'magical' enough.
FC is also not a glorified Amazon delivery.

No Santa only supplies one gift for being a good child. Parents pay for the rest.

The idea of some kid sitting there with no presents because of whatever socio-economic situation their parents are in wondering why ‘Santa’ brought other kids so much has always broken my heart. My kids have always known That Santa is a playful bit of fun and we have always enjoyed it without them ever believing it. They are all young adults now and they will tell you that christmases have always been magical despite this honesty. I’ve also always given a gift to demelza children’s hospice from each of them when they were young - thank you card on the tree - and now they are older I give to shelter as a gift from them instead. They all say they want to do the same for their kids. I’m with the nursery in sentiment but I don’t know if I can justify them demanding this. It should be no more than a thing for parents to consider

DH’s family did Santa as glorified postman and I just don’t see the point or magic in it. As I did all the kids presents we did it my family’s way which is one smallish item from the wish list, other fun and useful bits to open, favourite chocolates and sweets and selection pack. It was fun to be surprised when the DC brought the items in after opening them, a genuine surprise for DH. Other families did all gifts from Santa so nothing from mum and dad. My DC didn’t appear to notice the disparity.

I think nursery are overstepping though. It’s not their business to dictate how other families do Christmas.

You (or nursery) say the reason for this suggestion is because “the children with less ended up confused and upset.”

But actually it is much worse than that - some children think they have been bad or naughty given all the things said about Santa only giving presents to good children. Imagine being a parent with limited money having to console your child who thinks they got less because they were bad but don’t know what they did? Or being that child?

I read an article about this many years before I had children so when I did have a child, we approached it as stockings from Santa and main gifts from us. I don’t think it detracts from the magic of Christmas whatsoever, and arguably preserves it for children who get less.

We do stocking from Santa and one small present from the list.
Santa then tells us as parents what else is on the list and mummy and daddy then buy some of the stuff - deliberately not all the things on the list which our children know.

Tbh I can completely understand where the nursery is coming from. The potential is that children can get a PS4 or bike from Santa then it makes another child think they have done something wrong.
When my eldest has come back from school saying something similar we say well probably the parents gave some money to Santa for the big present.

I also think some parents go completely overboard and ridiculous with Christmas presents from Santa and have watched first hand children ripping through and tossing aside for the next thing. We have a reasonable budget for each child (about £75-£100 including the stocking) we can afford more but I don't see the need to buy more stuff! Big expensive things they want they are taught to save and contribute towards (4 and 7 - 7 year old is saving up for a games console).

We live in a reasonable area but there is a wealth divide I'm always conscious of those with less especially at Christmas. We always do a toy clear out with our children at end of November any still decent condition I offer up for free on the local Facebook page for anyone needing any with harder use (but not broken) go to local groups. Yes I can't stop people who just want a freebie but generally in the past it's gone to families who need it.

Agreed! Same in this house. It’s the obvious answer! There is no downside

When my children were little, and when I was growing up, presents were sent to Santa from someone and he delivered them. Meant that my Mum, if we were with her and she saw something that was a good price, could say “shall we have it and send it to Santa?” - but also that elderly relatives got thank yous from us.

Nursery are absolutely fine to request what they are requesting. They can't force anyone and I expect they know that, but I assume they are asking because of bad experiences in previous years. I'm actually shocked that some people are so offended by this and unwilling to see the problem with inequality or children feeling overlooked if "Santa" gave a mountain to most children and only a small gift to others.

It's odd and probably a bit hypocritical that they then organised a Santa wish list activity but that doesn't change the facts of the email request.

@Betterversionofme you are actually going so far as to tell your children that their friends' parents are lying to them, when actually you're the one who is lying. Does that not bother you at all?

My parents' approach was a stocking from Santa and to neither confirm nor deny when we questioned his existence. They never told me an outright lie and I really appreciate that. I think it's important for children to know as they grow up that their parents have always been honest with them.

@Interestingnamesuggestion
Yes.
I did say to my children 'Don't worry, Santa knows best.' They never seemed to worry beforehand or be upset about presents afterwards.
I even told my 2 years old when back home with a newborn sibling. No, it didn't hurt at all.
I said once 'I'd like the same too. Such a shame they don't have in my size. With sad face. It was about very ugly white tights with red hearts all over.
I lied about most cooking attempts of my toddlers- they were allowed to customize. Was I supposed to say 'this shit is horrible'?
I definitely praised to heaven even stupid, horrible creation of any child in primary school Christmas and summer fair. I even paid with real money for that stuff -so that my lying would be convincing. I always bought a lot.
All people lie. Remember.

Well some things we can smile and deflect or put as much of a positive spin on as possible. This is not one of those moments. According to your previous post you are basically telling your child that their friends' parents are liars so you can enjoy the "Christmas magic" that you believe you are creating. This is the opposite of what Jesus taught.

Similar to others when I was growing up stockings were from Santa and presents from my Mum. With our DC we don't do Santa so everything is from us. Makes it very straightforward!

Monetarily, my children likely might have gotten the cheapest presents of all their friends.
Is this redeeming?

Any gifts are from the purchaser, Santa just dropped them off.
My two DC have never had any gifts from Santa nor have they left a plate of whatever out for him.

No

In our family (3 generations of it now) Father Christmas presents have always been separate from family presents. They are usually smaller, less expensive things.

FC presents will typically be left in a stocking or pillow case in the bedroom. These can be opened as soon as they wake up - within reason! So not e.g. at 5 am…

Family presents go under the tree, and won’t be opened until at least after breakfast.

@Interestingnamesuggestion
Why do you care so much about that? I am actually curious after our exchange.

Pretty sure there isn't a chapter in the bible about Santa......or anything in relation to Christmas magic either!

Don't forget to polish that halo of yours that has never even told a white lie to a child......not a single the park is closed, the tooth fairy will collect your tooth or carrots make you see in the dark! 😂

I have two children (older tweens now) have lots friends with older and younger children and for the past 5 years have worked in a nursery in a country where the age range is 1-6.

I have never known nursery age children, mine or the children I work with to compare Santa/Tomte presents in January unless asked by staff. And why would they ask, some children don't celebrate Christmas.

By the time the children return to nursery after New year Christmas is long forgotten. Kids don't even remember what they had for breakfast that day

Santa always brings presents but not crazy excessive piles. By the time they’re back at school it’s a week or two after Christmas.,they won’t be talking about Santa in January.
Unless your kids are getting big ticket items ££££ then I would do my own thing.