My ducks are in a row and now not sure what to do

[togoornottogo3]

Things hadn’t been great with my DP for a little while. After a messy breakup from my ex which left me very little from the house sale I decided to apply for housing as I just couldn’t afford to rent privately which had been accepted and I am viewing a property this afternoon, in order to leave with my 2 young children (2 & 1). However. Things have recently improved and I finally feel like he is listening to me. But is it just superficial, do people change so quickly. He knows I have been looking to leave and now that is the reality I think maybe he realises how much will change if we are not living together.

He loses his temper quickly, drinks a lot at the weekend, lazy at times, I don’t like the dynamics when his son is with us 50/50 and just expects me to do a lot for SS. But he is in general a good father and supports us financially so we are comfortable.

I have to make a decision today at the viewing whether to accept or not. If I don’t it could go against me in the future if I ever wanted to sign on for housing again.

I feel writing it down cements my reasons to go. And hearing other’s experiences helps.

Go. This is only your mind playing tricks. You will be happier when you leave and feel safe. Think of your DC and how they deserve to feel safe in their home. Good luck - you have a house waiting, many women are not that fortunate.

Social housing you will be secure if u ever want to leave again. Take it. It’s yours and your child’s security

He's only appearing to change because he senses his cushy life about to go.

If he cared and respected you and your two children, he would / should have treated you better.

Trust your gut instinct. Don't regret staying.

@togoornottogo3 you are beyond lucky to have the chance of social housing.
If you don't take it you've burnt your bridges and DP will more than likely revert to type very quickly.
If you do take it and move out there is always a (very small) chance that DP may see the light and over time prove to you that he can/will change. In which case you could then give up your gold dust social home. I doubt you'll want to though.

He’s changed because he’s realised his housekeeper is thinking of leaving.
If you stay with him I’d expect the situation to get much worse.
You clearly have good reason to apply for your own home. If the property is decent I’d absolutely leave.

Thanks all.

@KarmaiscoolI know I’m very lucky and don’t want to sound ungrateful at all. Think hearing this from other people is really helpful. Thank you.

He has changed because he is afraid of the change that is about to happen now that he knows you are really leaving.He hasn't changed for you and he hasn't changed permanently.

Once he knows you have lost the property he will go back to how he was because he will know he has you back where he wants you to be.

Please don’t give up this opportunity for secure housing for you and the DC. Your DP has just realised he’s losing his housekeeper, hence his sudden change. Go! Make a lovely new life for yourself.

He's manipulating you. If you stay things won't go back to how they were before, they will be even worse because he will feel like he has power over you.

Go. If he really is reformed and changed then you can make another change later, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Crikey you’re incredibly lucky to be offered housing while you’re still in your existing place. Just wouldn’t happen here.

He doesn’t sound like a grand prospect with the bad temper and drinking plus sounds like he’s a lazy fucker too. Even if it was the best sex in the world and he was dripping in diamonds this is not someone to raise your kids with.

fly to freedom !

Yes yes yes take the property. If you stay the "niceness" will soon evaporate and you will be back at square one

Take it. He's playing a game, that's all. Once he's got you where he wants you again, nothing will have changed.

If he's genuinely a good father he'll still be there for the children and will support them financially even if you leave.

Good grief ! If you are being offered a tenancy with social housing - TAKE IT
as fast as you can !!!
and say Thank You !

Some people in some parts of the UK wait years.
some people in some parts of the UK wait years and are in temp housing !

No one changes quicker than a man who thinks his lifestyle is going to change.

No one changes back to how he was quicker than a man who thinks he's fooled his partner into staying, despite her knowing she shouldn't.

Go, and be happy

Does your partner know that you are viewing a property today?

From how you've described him you'd be mad to turn down this property, it will provide so much stability for you and your children.

Leave.

If you want to go back to him after a year of living seperately then you can, with the full benefit of knowing what the alternative looks like.

PS. You won't want to.

Human beings get scared of change and cling to anything to avoid it because change is scary.

My advice is just to say yes this afternoon. Then the rest will fall into place. You made the application with a clear head after a lotnof thinking so trust clear-headed you, not scared you.

You would never have got together with him if he wasn't capable of being nice SOME of the time. Just when he wants something. He'll stop bothering again as soon as he feels secure of you again.

You can't be dependent on a boyfriend for housing, he could evict you any day.

Your kids can still have their great (drunk, lazy, angry) father and you no longer have to deal with him outside of a parenting app, and you have a secure home.

A man faking being a good person briefly to palm his kid off is irrelevant.

Take it 100%
Hes being nice because he sees his life changing for the worse
100% go because he is now CHOOSING to be nice
Before he was CHOOSING to be awful

Men choose how they behave, its not stress or anxiety or depression or they dont see the mess and dirt or they cant cook
They CHOOSE to make your life shit to benefit themselves

Accept the house

ignore temporary improvements in behaviour

bold and brave

He's chosen his behaviour.

Now that he's about to lose the wife appliance who does the work he doesn't want to, oh, sudden change.

So he could have treated you better this whole time. He chose not to, he chose to treat you so poorly your only option for a decent life is to leave

This is temporary mask and the mask will drop if you choose to stick around for more of the same. Prioritize your kids, not the partner who's chosen to treat you like a household appliance.

Take it and go for the sake of you and your DC.

Any changes by a lazy/abusive/useless partner are always temporary in order to draw you back. Once he has secured you back in the fold then normal service will resume and you'll be back to square 1 and he'll stop acting the nice guy again.
You've come this far and now it's time to take those final steps towards peace & freedom within your own home. I wish you all the luck you need and deserve for you and your kids 💖

Get out now. This is not about you, your kids deserve far better than a bad tempered, lazy drunk. He is NOT a good father.