My ducks are in a row and now not sure what to do

[togoornottogo3]

Things hadn’t been great with my DP for a little while. After a messy breakup from my ex which left me very little from the house sale I decided to apply for housing as I just couldn’t afford to rent privately which had been accepted and I am viewing a property this afternoon, in order to leave with my 2 young children (2 & 1). However. Things have recently improved and I finally feel like he is listening to me. But is it just superficial, do people change so quickly. He knows I have been looking to leave and now that is the reality I think maybe he realises how much will change if we are not living together.

He loses his temper quickly, drinks a lot at the weekend, lazy at times, I don’t like the dynamics when his son is with us 50/50 and just expects me to do a lot for SS. But he is in general a good father and supports us financially so we are comfortable.

I have to make a decision today at the viewing whether to accept or not. If I don’t it could go against me in the future if I ever wanted to sign on for housing again.

I feel writing it down cements my reasons to go. And hearing other’s experiences helps.

Does he have to know all about the viewing and how it went as soon as you return?
Maybe you should play your cards a bit closer to your chest... so there's no guilt tripping.
If you've had a thread on here previously about leaving, can you read it back to remind yourself.
It's natural to have doubts, but this is an opportunity to see if its for you. You could try it and see how things work out, Best of luck

Take the property, this is a perfectly timed opportunity. Be prepared for him to try and weedle his way in, don’t let him charm you back into bed, and stay in contraception just in case!

Unless it’s really dire and in a shit area, take it and never look back. Good luck.

Wonderful. Leave and breathe a huge sigh of relief.

You have a fantastic opportunity to give your children (and yourself) the security of your own home. Please grab it! As for your DP’s change in behaviour; he’s only behaving better because he senses you are escaping him and he doesn’t want to lose his punching bag and free child care for his son. He is not the man for you (or for any woman.) If you give up the opportunity of this flat, he’ll soon revert to type.

Oh so it was always a choice, he always could have behaved better but he chose not to because its suited him better to be lazy, drunk, angry etc. But now for a brief moment in time it suits him to not behave like that, so he can deceive you into believing he is someone he is not. Now you have a choice too, make a good one.

Thanks so much all, you definitely boosted my confidence. Tenancy signed, keys in hand! I really do appreciate the opportunity of this and know many people are not so fortunate in other areas.

Congratulations and enjoy your new home with your kids.

I was going to say "You might possibly sponge the spots off a leopard, but he remains a leopard just the same" but looks like you've figured that out!

Congratulations on your upcoming freedom and on your new peaceful home.

I don't know you but I'm so happy you had the courage to do this. Good luck for the future.

You had me worried as I read through the post! Well done you 👍 best of luck to you. Please update us on next steps and be careful. You are probably aware of the statistics...

Brilliant decision, all the best for you and your children in the future. This is the beginning of the rest of your life! 💐💐💐

Brilliant!! View this magical spot-changing leopard from the comfort of your own safe and secure home. The improving is part of the cycle. One trigger and the mask will slip. These shitty men never change. Look what position he’s put you in with your children. He’s not a good dad, he couldn’t treat you well enough to keep you and them with him, that’s not a good dad. Look how much kindness and opportunity you’ve given him and he’s pushed you this far. I remember saying to my EXH keep pushing me and I’ll just jump (metaphorically obvs), when I was done I was DONE and there was no coming back, he looked horrified and thought he could treat me like shit, be nice again and treat me like shit again forever and ever. As I say to so many people on these types of threads, you get one life! Why give it willingly to someone who hurts you? Save yourself and your kids - onwards and upwards!

Well done you! He’s had plenty of time to change if he wanted to. He doesn’t and he’s shown you that. Getting social housing is like winning the lottery. Enjoy the peace and security of your new home. And please be very careful not to share your plans or any information with him. You are at your most vulnerable when you are ready to and have the means to leave.

You made the right decision OP. You have secured a roof over your DCs head, peace for you no matter what he does or doesn’t do. Nothing beats shutting your own front door with no drama. Hoping you and the kids make lots of happy memories in your new home.

Gosh, thank you all 🥹🥹 I think this is the loveliest response to a thread I’ve ever put up on MN!

Wall to wall confirmation and support for the OP who has acted on the advice. What a lovely thread! All the best in your new home OP. You made the right decision.

All the best in your new home x

I was about to tell you to please go for it and then saw your update! Hope you and your kids have a lovely happy future in your new home

Congratulations OP!

Oh this lifts my heart - so nice to see a woman taking charge of her own life.

congratulations!

Enjoy your new home and all the peace that will come with it

It never lasts, he's on his best behaviour so you stay and then it'll be worse than before and you'll have ruined your chance at getting out. Please go, Don't be me.

Sorry I missed this one. Well done and massive congratulations!!

Definitely leave. It is definitely superficial. People do not change. Secure your house and if you really want to, you can date him from your own home.