To think that some parents are shit at parenting and that's why their children are little shits

[Itwasthe90s]

There, I said it. 😂
I'm sick of parents excusing appalling behaviour with everything but they actual problem - they're doing a shit job and need to do something differently, read a parenting book or go to parenting classes.
Hitting other children, being rude to adults and throwing a tantrum every time they hear NO shouldn't be brushed off like it so often is these days.
And don't get me started on parents who blame the teacher, the other child, or literally anyone except their own precious offspring.
Yes, children have additional needs. Yes, they have difficult days. But sometimes a badly behaved child is simply a badly behaved child whose parents refuse to set boundaries.
When did gentle parenting become synonymous with refusing to tell your child they're behaving like a little shit?
Go on, tell me I'm wrong.

Bring Back the Wooden Spoon!

You can have shit parents who have well behaved children. Me and my siblings behaved fairly poorly once we got to secondary school, a detention gave an extra hour away from home, we were all very well behaved at primary school as misbehaving didn’t bring what we saw as a reward.

Very few children are well behaved all the time, ours certainly aren’t, but thankfully when they do misbehave it tends to be with us, they are both very good at school and at their clubs, they are however whingers. They also know that where rules are concerned we’re on the schools side. Our oldest is very sensitive so if he is told off he will cry or be upset, and as upsetting as it is for us, its not a reason to remove the conseqence. But ours are 11 and 4, so we could be eating a rather generous portion of humble pie in a few years.

You have to remember the naughty child is behaving how they’ve been taught to behave, in their own way they are following rules, they’ve just been set a different set of rules. To them sitting quiet is as alien as telling someone to go and fuck themselves who wouldn’t usually dream of doing that. It doesn’t make it any less frustrating and it still needs solving, god knows how.

Honestly, part of adulting is knowing what applies to you and what doesn't.
sometimes a badly behaved child is simply a badly behaved child whose parents refuse to set boundaries. says the OP. And yes, these people exist

The fact your child has additional needs and you're busting your ass being a good parent doesn't mean there aren't shit parents around us.
I believe the OP is talking about them; not pointing fingers at you.

The average two parent household is working 10 hours a week more than it was in the 1980s. As far as raising kids is concerned, I’d have thought too much time spent at work is far more likely to be the cause of certain issues rather than not enough.

Hi
A Granny responding here. I actually agree with much that you have written here.
Parenting has never been easy, it wasn’t ‘back then’ and god knows it isn’t now.
However most people thankfully love their children, but I urge them to consider that every time they let an issue go, you are setting your child up for a lifetime of difficulties and upset. From settling in school, making (and keeping) future friends and being happy in general.

You can’t fully address bad behaviour in the morning school run, when for example you are trying to deliver one child to school and another child to nursery, safely and on time, and yourself to a 12 hour shift on the ward.

But please think about it at the weekend, and less frenetic times of the day, 30 + children all wanting their own way in reception will never work. If you always give in to a child’s demands, for the sake of peace, that child will never understand how to be in a cooperative environment.
The ‘no’ word needs to be re-taught.
Yes, with an age appropriate explanation and patience.

I follow gentle parenting and I'm FUCKING EXHAUSTED!!! It's hard work, the self regulation, boundaries, communication techniques, appropriate consequences, research as I hadn't a clue from my abusive upbringing, no screens outside of TV so the million restaurant colouring sheets I've helped colour 🫠 BUT two very polite, funny, kind, confident, eloquent, (mostly) well-behaned, curious, (mostly) happy kids 😅

Just a note for anyone who thinks gently parenting is an easy route 🥲

LOl, my appologies, I was also going on from the post you replied to as regards the autism angle.

I’ve met loads of shit parents over the years - the worst are the ones that never say no to their dc - they think they’re being wonderful parents but they bring up mini tyrants who can’t hold down relationships when they’re older because they can’t be reciprocal.

I think gentle parenting needs to get in the bin to be honest - is there any actual evidence that it brings up better adjusted and more confident children than regular parenting? My dc get shouted at on occasion and they’re absolutely grand.

If I hear "masking" again I will scream.

Why is that? I was so good at masking I didn't get my diagnosis till I was 49.
I do agree with you about autism not being used to explain bad behaviour, if you've read the full thread I posted on page 1

I agree. As a late dignosed autistic with an abusive and neglectful/ truama inducing upbringing that I'm still having therapy for now, I managed to never hit, kick, spit at or bite anyone.

Addd to that swearing at any teacher, I wouldn't have dared!

Well yes, do bears shit in the woods?

Its a non-brainer. For every difficult ND kid of caring and hard working parents there are 10 little shits that are allowed to run wild and can do no wrong in the eyes of their imbecilic parents.

Did you mean to respond to me? I haven’t said anything about a kid calling someone a fucking bitch.

We said he couldn't come back to Cubs unless a parent attended as a 1:1. He came back for 1 session then moved up to Scouts. The pack is SO much easier now he's gone!

Totally agree with @SomethingFun .
I work in childcare and gentle parenting is producing children with no resilience and completely unprepared for the fact that sometimes life can be tough and you just have to get on with it.
Take a look at Bratbusters - she has nailed parenting completely.

I don't think it's gentle parenting. The worst behaved children I've come across come from homes where there is shouting and name calling and sometimes physical violence.

See my post from page 1:

I agree. As a late dignosed autistic with an abusive and neglectful/ truama inducing upbringing that I'm still having therapy for now, I managed to never hit, kick, spit at or bite anyone.

Agreed. Dysfunctional homes produce children with behavioural problems.

We were discussing how yrs ago you would catch a kid doing something and they'd deny it, even though you SAW them and they'd still deny it.
Now when parents are called in and staff explain what has happened they ALSO deny it was their childeven when theres bloody recordings/evidence!!

Hmm I don't think it's quite as simple as shit parenting. I facilitate a parenting course and the parents that come, out of choice, to spend their precious free time learning how to parent their children, are often really really struggling. One parent has come to do the same course three times and her child's behaviour is getting worse.
There are so many pressures on all of us and society seems to be crumbling. The children are bearing the brunt of it.

Yes that’s a fair point @thiswillbedisplayed - lack of parenting capacity due to spending too many hours at work.