To think that some parents are shit at parenting and that's why their children are little shits

[Itwasthe90s]

There, I said it. 😂
I'm sick of parents excusing appalling behaviour with everything but they actual problem - they're doing a shit job and need to do something differently, read a parenting book or go to parenting classes.
Hitting other children, being rude to adults and throwing a tantrum every time they hear NO shouldn't be brushed off like it so often is these days.
And don't get me started on parents who blame the teacher, the other child, or literally anyone except their own precious offspring.
Yes, children have additional needs. Yes, they have difficult days. But sometimes a badly behaved child is simply a badly behaved child whose parents refuse to set boundaries.
When did gentle parenting become synonymous with refusing to tell your child they're behaving like a little shit?
Go on, tell me I'm wrong.

I'll go further and say that a lot of it is due to pure laziness. The 'I can't be bothered' approach to parenting.

It seems okay to accuse people of being narcissistic for example but say that someone is lazy and all of sudden, it's a matter of 'how dare you'.

Many parents are lazy. They don't discipline because they don't put the effort in to do so. It's easier to let the child get on with poor behaviour and then act as the victim of what they convince themselves is out of their control.

Pointing out why some children appear badly behaved (and by inference, badly parented) is not “making the thread all about SEN”. You can’t move on here for people whining about the “naughty” kid in little Jocasta’s naice leafy primary ruining everyone’s life, except it’s a disregulated ND kid who is in the wrong setting.

As for “professional victimhood”, you know the expression about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes? That. Try to imagine a world in which you did all the boundaries and consequences and consistency (things that MN’ers seem to think are secret mysteries only obvious to “good” parents), yet your child didn’t get the memo and cracked on anyway, just slightly more energetically because they’re now disregulated.

You’ve got no idea what I have a clue about 😂

I know you like an emoji!

How does that tell you that “I haven’t got a clue about the state of some families”?

At my children’s school I’ve noticed a worrying pattern where the majority of kids who hit, kick and swear at other children are boys. Then it’s the girls are told they need to be understanding about this behaviour because apparently the boy has SEN.

I've always been a bit sceptical about this, but we were having lunch in a cafe and there was a young family next to us. The parents scarcely took their eyes off their phones the entire time, they only interacted with the children (two little girls of preschool age) to tell them to behave, and hardly spoke to each other either.

I'm sure they were tired, had had a hard week at work, and god knows entertaining small children can be tedious to the nth degree, but it was such a sad thing to see. What message will those children get other than, if you want attention you must misbehave?

Couldn't agree more with the original post. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but being a 'shit parent' can come in many forms. From the obvious of abuse, to just being completed disconnected from actually raising their children. Keeping them alive, and raising them are two different things.

A neighbour of mine has 3 children, eldest 14ish, youngest 8ish. Every non school day they are out of the house as early as possible - and I have actually heard the mother tell them they aren't allowed to return except for the toilet.
They un-surprisingly have now become little shits around the neighbourhood. Damaging peoples property, spray painting the local park, throwing rocks at the local co-op (this was responded to on a Facebook group that they are currently undergoing SEN assessments - WTF has SEN got to do with your teenager throwing rocks at a local shop, and if SEN is being assessed with multiple reports of criminal damage, why are they being allowed out unsupervised?!)

So yes, some parents are simply shit parents. Some are good parents with difficult children, but some parents are simply lazy and shit.

Haven't RTWT but what about the parents who aren't lazy shits, with kids who don't have SEN (or who haven't yet been diagnosed) but have had appalling behaviour? Like mine! DD and DS were awful during pre-school years and reception, truly, truly awful. To the point of interventions from various people and behaviour plans. We tried absolutely everything, from gentle to tough parenting, bribes, rewards, taking stuff away, therapy, read all the books and took all the advice etc. Even the childcare experts didn't understand why all the usual methods didn't work. Possible SEN was mentioned but never diagnosed. To this day I still don't really know what happened - possibly a combo of Covid/new baby situ for my eldest and we dropped a ball somewhere, and bad habits got passed onto the younger one But slowly, thankfully, they've grown out of it and we've turned many corners.

I'm sure we got many, many comments behind our backs about what sort of shit parents we must be, but honestly, we weren't (we aren't!). And the amount of people who told me "oh I wouldn't have that in my house!/have you tried this etc etc" 😖 I think sometimes parents just have extremely defiant kids and some situations out of their control (for example; past family issues, trauma etc) have caused an issue within their family.
I never look at a naughty child and automatically assume shit parents.... the same as you can get some absolutely terrible parents who have little angels!

Because it’s impossible to have a conversation with someone who just keeps laughing. It’s bizarre. I can’t take you seriously.

So to me that makes you pretty
clueless to the massive issue schools are facing. I mean you could be a teacher and just sat there ‘LOLing’ all day!

This is mumsnet, where parents often refer to children (including their own) as “little shits”, sometimes while accusing children of swearing.

Depends on what age you are talking? Under 4's and toddler stage, the behaviour you describe is understandable. After that then it is harder to justify.

@Itwasthe90s no no no, they all have sydromes. Everybody else is wrong, they are ND, they are special, they allergic to basic manners.

Boring........excuses

Yes, I know plenty of ND children (including my own). My DD also goes into school through the office so I've also witnessed a fair bit of behaviour (and heard of other scenarios from teacher friends and my DC).

It's funny how only some of them have the traits where they kick and scream at teachers calling them a "fucking bitch", punch other children and have classrooms evacuated (and these are KS1 children).

The problem is that the parents are childish.
They are loud mouthed & chavvy. They only care about image.
Rented BMW
Tattoos
Chav brand clothing
Fake everything
And boring everyone with their loud conversation.
These people aren't parents. They are immature adults who've had a child.

The products of shit parenting in my DS' year 4 class (who have known how to swear at teachers since reception and who regularly get the classroom evacuated) are girls.

Excuses, no.

An abundance of sarcasm? Absolutely.

That's very unusual as autism doesn't usually present in girls like that, hence not usually getting diagnosed until later due to masking???

Absolutely agree.

Is it harder for ny ND daughter to understand boundaries and control her impulses? Absolutely
Do we need to work with school and professionals to find ways to support her to do this otherwise she is going to struggle to make and keep friends? Also yes

Her life is tougher than some others, but we are doing her no favours by making excuses for her. She will have to learn to function in a NT world, or she will have an incredibly hard time maintaining relationships.

Sometimes it's hard to pick apart what is a child genuinely struggling, and what is a child who has been allowed to get away with behaving like a little sh*t. I hope that others give my child some grace, but also don't expect their children to put up with my child being horrible to them, whatever the reason.

My DD is not an easy child. She is AuDHD, is the epitomy of rigid thinking, has zero patience, struggles massively with emotional regulation, has big sensory issues, and is very combative.

However, I have built and nurtured a loving, trusted bond with her and tried to instill morals. She is extremely caring and always tries to do the right thing. She would never in a million years call a teacher a "fucking bitch".

I know one of them has a diagnosis, I don't know about the other. Not all girls display the "girl" stereotypes.

But also, you're assuming that the cause of their behaviour is autism and not shit parenting?!

Even autistic children need boundaries and discipline. I have 2 DCs with autism and I will never, ever allow them to use it as an excuse to hurt others, damage property or be rude.
DS had a friend over a few weeks ago, who also has autism, and he smashed a load of DD's pottery figures she'd made. I don't even know why he was in her room or why he thought it was ok to damage her things, but his mum just shrugged and said he doesn't take well to being told off and that was that! That is shit parenting and not fair on the parents of DCs with SEN who have worked really hard to ensure their DCs don't behave like that.

No

If I hear "masking" again I will scream.

Some of this is just the burden of the curriculum, too many late nights,too much time spemt in a car and too many activities. Oh and shit parenting and choosing to be naughty.