In laws wrote me out of will - AIBU to be offended?

[Watdidusay]

My DH has been informed by his FIL there's a line in his will that says I'm not to receive anything.

Not a line that excludes me - a line that says money and assets are not to be received by me.

It's not about the money - more just I feel this is a statement.

I have a great relationship with my in laws or at least that's how I thought. Married 22 years. FIL has always been paranoid about being taken advantage of and I believe this is in that vein.

Still I feel after all this time I don't know why they felt the need to do this.

AIBU to be annoyed they went out of their way to exclude me? Not about the money.

My father-in-law left his daughter 4/9th, his daughter-in-law 3/9th she was a widow when he died, me 0/9th I was divorced from his son , his grandson whose father had died 1/9th and his granddaughter whose father had died but post our divorce 1/9th.

Hurt that my ex-husband received 0/9th and his granddaughter 1/9th, when her cousin effectively received 4/9th (combining his 1/9th and his mother’s 3/9th).

i didn’t want anything for myself.

Just upset that my ex-husband was a non-beneficiary out of the three siblings as we still got on post-divorce.

Also, I thought that I still got on with my ex-father-in-law.

Any comments.

So your ex father in law had three children? He left his daughter 4/9th, his deceased son’s family 5/9ths and his living son nothing?

clearly he had a reason, which no one on the internet could possibly know.

did you expect an inheritance? Even post divorce? Odd he left out his son, but totally understandable you didn’t inherit

Testamentary trusts, I know. A trust would be the only thing that would allow him to prevent the money being shared with OP. A will alone would not.

Someone cautious with money is likely to have established a trust already so as to avoid probate. Ime, anyway.

I'm wondering if its actually his will or some kind of trust. Trusts do have more specific instructions especially if there are multiple beneficiaries.

As much as some love to think on MN inheritance isn't family money in most the UK. Its legally a 'non matrimonial asset' so in a divorce your inheritance remains yours as can any things (such as property) bought outright by it.

A person has to demonstrate they have a claim to what they expect to receive and you don't automatically have a claim to someone else's inheritance.

However if a person joins their claim to their partner by combining it in joint finance accounts it can become classed as a matrimonial asset. Seems IL are just putting in writing that thats is not approved of by them to protect their son should you divorce him later.

They can't stop you 'benefiting' from how he uses it, it will only try to protect it from if you leave and try to take it. If he buys a house he can of course let you live in it, if he chooses to book a family holiday he can pay for it outright, when he dies he can still leave everything to you etc... Its not like anyone is going to say 'he bought that TV with inheritance money so you must face the wall and not watch it'.

Well that seems perfectly normal. If I die before my mum, my son gets her entire estate (we are both only children).

Equally if my DH had died before PIL had, my son would have received DH's share, not me.

No need to write people out, for tax reasons or otherwise, just specify who you are leaving it to. You usually inherit from your own side of the family, not the inlaws. Of course there might be families who do leave money/other gifts to their in-laws because they consider them actual family.

Solicitor advised against it saying "you can't rule from beyond the grave", and if my DM insisted it would be ignored anyway as it would have no legal standing.

My understanding too. FIL once he's dead has no control over what OP's DH does with his inheritance. That clause is unnecessarily spiteful.

This is the normal order of inheritance though. If your spouse dies, and you have no children, you get nothing. It goes to remaining siblings. If your spouse was an only child it goes to cousins or whoever is next in line unless there is a will stating otherwise.

What? This is nonsense. Wills don't detail who will NOT receive anything.

This is exactly it. I wonder how legally binding/enforceable it is.

They can't overwrite your entitlement to marital assets, in case of divorce or death.

Were the wills drafted by a lawyer? I would be wondering where this wording came from?

Are the fil and mil married? Was there any divorce in their family? Just wondering because you say he’s paranoid so it’s generally a split in the family that’ll do that. It is terrible really, awful when you realise everything isn’t as good as you thought it was

A lot of people do not realise that inheritance is not marital property especially if they have never inherited before.

That's different though as children have traditionally inherited. A DIL would have no such expectation, even if widowed.

Well I guess you'll be helping pick their old people's home OP 😂

Joke obviously unless you're the sort of person who'd pick that crappy home...

Very similar happened to my Mum and I know it hurt her very badly. It's quite a nasty thing to do to someone because it's a kind of fuck you from beyond the grave. Good that you know where you stand now though.

So maybe pick that crappy home when the time comes. Or at least let them know that you're very flattered that they think you want their stuff but you're not really a fan of kitsch so they can rest easy.

There was no need for it at all.

She's not expecting to be in their will, she is upset that they went the extra mile to make sure she was listed as not getting anything in their will.

I would be pissed about that as well. In your will you write who gets what not list who doesn't get anything.

Yes the money cns go to DH in the will, the difference is the fact FIL added her name to the will to make it clear that she isn't to receive any assets. That's s personal targeted statement and she has every right to be upset.

It's not normal to do that in a will, in a will you say this asset goes to xx and that money goes to yy that's it, you don't then say Littledidsheknow must not get any assets. That's why she is upset and rightly so.

I would like to know what her DH said or thinks about it.

That does seem odd. I do wonder if dp has been told the line doesn't include her and he has heard wrong or jumped to wrong conclusion. Maybe fil was also explaining inheritance law to him which made him think this.

Id absolutely not expect to be in my in-laws will so this is fine but id not be happy with my husband. Sounds like hes shit stirring.

Are you sure about this @housethatbuiltme ? What happens if someone gets an inheritance and buys a house outright where their spouse and children live? Then 20 years later that couple divorce...surely the house is, after all that time, considered a joint asset of the couple?

She said the her ex died post divorce so sounds like he only had daughter left.

That is incorrect in England and Wles.

Money inherited by a spouse providing it is never used by the family or to benefit the family does not form part of a divorce settlement.

If combined with the family income or/and capital and used for the benefit of the family or to purchase property or goods from which the family benefit, that money then forms part of the 'family money' and can be taken into account in a divorce settlement.

I hope that clarifies the position.

Not usually. So long as the deeds are in the person's name it remains their property, doesn't matter how long it's been owned for. The spouse also doesn't have any natural claim on inheriting it either like a traditional marital home.
PP have said a court can take inheritance into account but I believe this is only if one partner can prove hardship.

More normal to say inheritance will be by a child and if they are not around then the grandchildren.

If nothing else, and it's actually written like that in the will, it gives you a clue about how helpful you need to be if in-laws end up needing help. Hint: It's NONE.

In-laws don't inherit from their spouse's parents usually. But, if your FIL actually wrote that into his will, I'd be, "No problem. I'm really busy buffing my nails anyways, so I'm sure you'll find someone to help you when/if needed".
Writing that, if he did, is incredibly rude and would deserve a like response.

I am truly hoping that your DH is either paraphrasing, mistaken or fibbing.