In laws wrote me out of will - AIBU to be offended?

[Watdidusay]

My DH has been informed by his FIL there's a line in his will that says I'm not to receive anything.

Not a line that excludes me - a line that says money and assets are not to be received by me.

It's not about the money - more just I feel this is a statement.

I have a great relationship with my in laws or at least that's how I thought. Married 22 years. FIL has always been paranoid about being taken advantage of and I believe this is in that vein.

Still I feel after all this time I don't know why they felt the need to do this.

AIBU to be annoyed they went out of their way to exclude me? Not about the money.

Is it a will, or a trust? Or a will reiterating the terms of a trust?

Because if someone is cautious about being taken advantage of, you would think they’d be informed enough to know that you cannot prevent your named beneficiary from sharing an inheritance with a spouse merely with a last will and testament.

This would make sense with a trust, not with a will.

You are totally reasonable to be very hurt. You are not a new wife, you have been their DIL for 22 years and get on well with them. If I predecease my parents, my spouse gets my full share instead when my parents pass away. When you have been married that long, IMO that is how it should be.

It sounds really odd.

There is no reason for you to be a beneficiary if you aren't in the will, but if their intention is to be sure that you cannot benefit from the money after your DH's death incase you remarry, then they need to create a trust specifying who will receive the money.

Is this just a paper they have written or have they received legal advice?

I think it’s a bit weird for you to have been included in the first place - in my parents wills the money goes to their children. If I choose to share that money with my DH then that’s up to me.

Agreed it seems unnecessary to have included it and told you about it?! Unless it’s to tell you in case of divorce? They’ve tried to ring fence it from the shared pot??! Who knows?! Strange fil!!!

Yes. It is considered personal property unless comingled into a marital asset such as a marital home.

I think that's quite mean, tbh. I came into my marriage with a pretty hefty inheritance. I always considered it both mine and DH's - we've used it to pay for our house and raise our children. Marriage is a partnership, you bring your assets and income to the table as far as I'm concerned, and make decisions together.

I can understand a provision being made in a will in the event of pre-decease or divorce (it's understandable for grandparents to want their assets to directly benefit their own children and grandchildren), but it sounds absolutely odd for a will to say 'in the event of my death I give X amount to my son, but that is just for him and not his wife.' How do you even enforce that?

But @AllIwantForChrismasIsAKitchenAidStandMixer - i do agree it would be weird for the OP/in-law to be directly named as a beneficiary.

I'm surprised a solicitor has agreed to put this into a will. My DM tried to do this some years ago, as my DSis was married to a physically and financially abusive man and DM wanted to make sure that my BIL never got his hands on DSis's inheritance. Solicitor advised against it saying "you can't rule from beyond the grave", and if my DM insisted it would be ignored anyway as it would have no legal standing. DSis would be free to decide what to do with her money, and if she was coerced into giving it away, that would be a matter for the police not the estate. Inherited money is not considered a marital asset.

A significant number of wills form some sort of trust.

Bit odd. But in the event of my inlaws and their family dying, including their sons (one being my spouse) and grandkids (1 of which is my child), perhaps in a plane crash or some such, I wouldn't benefit from their estate. It would go to charity lol. I'd obviously inherit from my spouse but not them. In any event where my spouse and his brother die before their parents, any money would go direct to my child and her cousin.

Now you know what your in-laws think of you so that saves you having to help them with anything or helping your husband care for them when they are older doesn’t it! Karma is a bitch in-laws

What exactly does it say? Asking for a friend who'd rather shit in their hands and clap than her their good for nothing son in law receive anything from their death.

From what I understand, inheritances aren't usually considered as assets to be shared in a divorce, but they CAN be if that is the way it's made fair. If my understanding is correct, that clause in the will can't actually be applied.

Maybe there are ways around it like setting up a trust?

There's not enough information here to tell whether or not you are being unreasonable...do you have DCs...does the will stipulate that if your DH dies that any inheritance should bypass you and go straight to your DCs? Are there any other family members involved?

It depends on the wording of the will.

PILs can leave their estate to whoever they want but cannot tell the beneficiaries what to do with it unless there is an actual trust set up. So if they are just giving it to your DH with no other legal provision, they are giving to to you as well (assuming here that your DH is happy to share with/leave it to you).

My DH has been informed by his FIL there's a line in his will that says I'm not to receive anything.

His father in law is your dad.

Is there a typo?

Do you mean YOUR father in law?

For what it's worth my DMs will states that if I die before her then her estate bypasses my DH and goes straight to the DCs. My DH is one of the executors on her will and he has no issue with this as he would rather it skips another round of inheritance tax. Our will is structured in the same way. In fact we go one step further in that we also have a discretionary trust set up which ring fences the vast bulk of our wealth from our DCs future partners - with the divorce rate so high these days its the sensible thing to do.

My in laws are divorced, I’m excluded from their will if dh dies, it goes to DDs. My dps will says the same, dh gets skipped and DDs get my share if I pop my clogs. I’ve yet to see my inheritance as both my dps have died, but that’s another thread.

My mil is the opposite. Her will states if DH dies before her I am to inherit his share. Also my adult DC who are not biologically related to mil, but she has known youngest since he was 7, will also receive same share as her biological DGC. Your fil sounds paranoid after you have been part of the family for so many years.

It can still be taken into account to meet reasonable needs though. The courts need to ensure that both parties and any children have reasonable housing and financial needs met. If the shared marital assets aren’t not enough to cover this, the court can use the inheritance to balance things out. They can also take into account the length of the marriage and the timing of the inheritance.

My PIL haven't put me (together 20 years with their son and have children)
or his brother's child's mum (one night stand from years ago, animosity between them, only speak at pick up/drop off of child) in their will.

It hurt at first, not about the money but that they saw me on par with her. But, it's their money. My children are in their will (not sure how much or whatever) and my partner/their son is. That's good enough for me as I'm not entitled, didn't expect anything but my husband treats our family unit very well. Feels weird though! But I'm sure it won't be a personal thing.

If that’s the case, they’d be wise to leave her share of any inheritance in a trust of which only she can be the beneficiary, and which may be dissolved up her death and remaining assets shared between her offspring. It is subject to tax in a different way, so often outside IHT, but attracts capital gains tax if assets in the trust (a family home) grow in value or are sold. Worth the admin though if it means it’s protected.

Trusts can be any size - my kids inherited one each of £30k when my bio father died, to be received when they are 21. My DD is about to receive hers and is delighted to have discovered it is now worth £42k. Really worth investogating.

Thus!

@Watdidusay AIBU? No. You may be overestimating how much legal effect the clause has, but you're not being unreasonable to feel hurt by the fact that someone thought it necessary to put your name in the will at all and top prewarn his son about it. Whether that reflects concern about divorce, distrust of you personally, or just a solicitor's asset-protection advice is impossible to know from the information given.

That is not a standard clause in a Will though, it is in response to a specific issue outline by the persons Will being written. And even then its weird. In UK law, once the money is left to someone (your husband) its quite hard to police how they spend it. If he wanted to exclude you specifically because (apologies) he does not like/trust you, or he thinks there maybe a divorce at some point and he wants to protect the monies he may have left to his son (assuming he may have passed), so you cannot claim it, the solicitor would have suggested a Trust.

So it would seem, and I get why this is hurtful, that its symbolic, because sometimes a clause is less about legal effect and more about sending a message. If someone goes out of their way to name a person and say they are not to benefit, many people would understandably interpret that as a deliberate statement about how the testator views them. If it was for his legal protection why did FIL feel the need to announce it, because there is none really so the intention in my mind would be to put you in your place.

And if I was his son and my Dad told me me that, I would be asking him why, on the ground that what is mine is yours and how hurtful it would sound to you. unless you have had troubles in your marriage and your husband has spoken to his parents about this? Either way, I would be deeply hurt and I wouldn't have expected my husband to ask we and to ascertain the intent behind it, if he was genuinely surprised by it. And if he wasn't, then maybe you have a husband problem,