To keep DD off school?

[TestyPatch]

DD14 is due to go for allergy patch testing, it will look something like on the photo (may take a minute to load). She will go to the clinic Monday, Wednesday and Friday during the week of testing. In the time she can’t get her back wet (so no showers), no getting sweaty and to wear old / lose clothing and bra.

She is saying she can’t go to school without showering and wearing a soft bra (she is large chested) and it’s impossible to get on the school bus / walk to school without getting sweaty.

AIBU to keep her off for the week? School will almost certainly say I am.

I suspect they will leave an area but says in the information she will should wear a soft bra and old loose clothes for the week, so still not a normal bra. She’s a 32F so not really ideal for a soft bra under a school shirt.

I will definitely ask and she said the course work subjects will give her the tasks on teams. She’s a conscientious student (never missed a single homework or had detention) so if she set work I don’t have any doubts she would do it.

I think I’m mostly doubting myself as when the consultant talked to her about it he made a joke about her choosing the appointment times to make sure she missed the lessons she doesn’t like which implied her assumed she would go to school around them, she walked out the room and said no way can I go to school without a bra and shower all week. So this left me second guessing which side of the fence I sat on.

I would absolutely keep her off for the week. And I am v strict about attendance generally! She needs your support with this and this is one of those times that becomes a core memory of the relationship she has with you. Maybe set her a project for the week if you're feeling too guilty. Learn to sew something on the sewing machine? Batch cook the household 5 different meals for the freezer? What else do teenagers need to learn before uni....

I’d keep her off for the week as well. The added stress of no bra and no shower (no hair washing either ?) wouldn’t be worth it.

She can catch up from a friend and at least don’t homework that’s set.

Just keep her off for a week. The school might moan but so what. If she’s a good student and will do the work at home it’s fine. She’d be mortified having to go in smelly without a proper bra.

Why? This is not an invasive test, a week because you have a few dots on your back and might get a slight itch like a mossie bite- ridiculous.
One day would be overdoing it, but possibly necessary if she needs a supportive bra.

Well exactly then

I have big boobs. There is no way I would ever want to go outside without a bra. At all.

I can completely understand why someone wouldn't want to go to school without a bra if they have boobs that needs one

Would you go to work without being able to shower or wear a bra for a week?

Nothing about the OPs daughter suggests a week off will make any difference to her overall learning but it will mean she's not spending the week feeling self conscious.

Why would one day off because of the bra be necessary but not the others? 🤔

Speak to the school and ask for work to be sent home or better still DD should ask teachers directly.

No one has said she can't shower or where a bra for a week- it's for one day.

Comprehension is not your strong suit is it?

Are you reading a different thread to me then.

The OPs first post says

She will go to the clinic Monday, Wednesday and Friday during the week of testing. In the time she can’t get her back wet (so no showers).

I would let her stay off. I think she would be extremely uncomfortable at school. I would probably go with, we will see how you feel. If you can go in that would be great but if not we’ll work around it. I would contact Head of Year to let them know. Despite the fact that many people seem to hate schools and teachers, most of us are parents and reasonable people who understand why a 14 year old needs to wear a bra and deodorant.

Additionally, attendance rules come from the government and schools must follow the guidance set. This is a genuine case. If this young person was in my form I would give her her attendance figures each week but would say let’s not worry about it, we know why this is, and move on to the next pupil.

I don't have any related experience but I have a teenage DD and can't think of any way I could send her to school in these circumstances - she'd be mortified. I imagine it's quite stressful as well even if not actually painful so a bit of TLC at home won't hurt either.
She's old enough to get on with work at home especially, if as you say, she's a conscientious student.

Hope it all goes well for her.

The clue is in the 'he joked'.

Technically, she will probably be fine to go in. However, the consultant is not putting himself into the place of a teenage girl with a fully developed female figure, but all the uniform restrictions of a modern school.

Most adults going through the allergy testing would probably feel so self conscious they would want to work from home. At the very least, they would try and adapt their clothing accordingly - I certainly wouldn't be wearing a thin polycotton fitted blouse. It might not be as bad if your school is one of the few that has adoped a more relaxed uniform. Wipes and flannel washes will hopefully be sufficient (obviously this varies by individual too).

I would be tempted to keep DD off, especially if there is some way of her keeping more or less up to date with her work (google classroom etc).

What was her attendance last year? (And the year before?)

If it was above 96% I think school will be more understanding than if it was below 90%

Some people just have no compassion for others do they??

I had this done a couple of years ago. It was not just a few dots - I had many severe reactions. I was itching and peeling and in pain all week. They don’t test unless they believe there will be a reaction to something.

I couldn’t shower, had to get DH to wash my hair, struggled to find clothes that didn’t stick to the tape or rub the patches.

As it happens, I’m a teacher so I did go into work but it was very uncomfortable and in hindsight I should’ve had the time off. My consultant was surprised I had been working when I went for the results.

OP - let her have the week off. She can keep up with some independent study at home.

Given the bra size, I've changed my mind. It wouldn't be possible without one, so I'm leaning towards time off now. Is there any way she can have work to do at home?

The worst bit was washing, hello 3 inch deep bath! And teenagers smell more than most, so she wouldn't want to go to school like that.

Year 7 & 8 attendance was fine, 97% ish, last year probably finished about 94% ish because she had a couple of blocks of 3-4 days off towards the end of the due to the illness that has lead to these tests. (We got sent to hospital twice from the GPs),

So good then. In which case I'd keep her off, on the understanding that doesn't mean a week of tv/gaming, whatever her thing is, but does involve schoolwork. I hope they come up with answers for her!

Blimey I thought my DC3's 4 hour appointment at the allergy clinic next week was a pain in the arse. Does she have severe / multiple allergies?

This is insane. I suppose there is no chance for rescheduling for over half term?

A whole week is such a long time to miss.

I hope you find a workaround your DD is happy with.

I'm sure I remember having to go in for a mid week check too, does she have to do that? Mine was 20 years ago though, so it may have changed.