To keep DD off school?

[TestyPatch]

DD14 is due to go for allergy patch testing, it will look something like on the photo (may take a minute to load). She will go to the clinic Monday, Wednesday and Friday during the week of testing. In the time she can’t get her back wet (so no showers), no getting sweaty and to wear old / lose clothing and bra.

She is saying she can’t go to school without showering and wearing a soft bra (she is large chested) and it’s impossible to get on the school bus / walk to school without getting sweaty.

AIBU to keep her off for the week? School will almost certainly say I am.

Primary school not same as secondary school at all

A soft bra, at that age, and now, would be a source of mega embarrassment…no support at all if you have large breasts . In a mixed school she’ll be at mercy of first boys that notice or are told by girls. No way would I do that without being petrified and shamed at that age..my breasts would be wobbling and swinging every time I walked. Jeez, I don’t ever go anywhere in my 52 years of having large breasts with soft bra on! Not even in my own home - they’d hurt by end of day. girls particularly are self conscious enough without a parent subjectting them to a humiliating situation.

i always took approach that if I, as adult, wouldn’t go into work with post op or medical issue because of inability to present myself, or pain, or whatever, I’d not ask my child the same. I’d talk to teachers to see if there’s work she can do at home or just set her up to do some home study. and I say that as someone who was back in work 3 days post gallbladder removal, and flew to Brazil (work trip) with broken ankle (also done on another work trip) in a boot . So don’t skip work lightly.

unless she has a poor attendance record, I’d be plain with school. You will be ensure she studies at home, make sure she does and has her books at home. But she won’t be coming into school for the 2 days in between due to not being able to wash and dress appropriately and you’re not subjecting her to the shame that might cause. Be prepared to suck up fine if needs be.

only other option is to ask tests to avoid bra area and get her to leave her normal bra on whilst they prick her to avoid area, citing that she can’t go braless due to large breasts. then she can wash avoiding back ( back doesn’t get that sweaty), you can wash her hair in basin with shower head adapter. And drive her in and out of school so she doesn’t get sweaty- be prepared to be late into work yourselves

Yes id keep her off. Ask school for work and do week home schooling as such

i always took approach that if I, as adult, wouldn’t go into work with post op or medical issue because of inability to present myself, or pain, or whatever, I’d not ask my child the same.

I think that's a fair approach. I can't imagine any of the posters saying that she should go in would do so themselves in the same situation.

Yes I have stated several times in previous posts it’s not the same experience….

my own views may be misguided as I had A cups as a teen so wouldn’t have needed to wear a bra regardless!

Skin prick testing is different to patch testing. It's all done on one day. Patch test stay in for several days.

Oh how I wish…I don’t think I EVER had A cups…I seemed to get C cup overnight then just grew…
And now I’m over 60 there’s still a lot to be fighting gravity 🤷‍♀️😬🤣🤣🤣

I agree that they should consider working around a bra, rather than expecting her to go without for a week. I know my teen wouldn't go to school without a decent bra.

Ah. Skin prick and patch testing very different. I think you try to work around bra lines if there’s an attendance issue that week, if not just keep her home. It’s a pretty miserable experience

I'm pretty militant about school attendance. In this scenario you are completely reasonable to keep her off for the week.

@Limehawkmoth i was an A cup until I got pregnant with my eldest at 28…. 10 years on still haven’t had much improvement 🙈😆

Thanks for this, I didn’t realise there was much of a difference!

Actually just found the pics and it all came back. They couldn’t work around her bra so we just added loads of extra tape to get her to her maths test and she was home otherwise.

That looks really uncomfortable! Bra/shower issues aside, she will have the patches stuck on her back from Monday evening until the clinic appointment on Friday!

Would the doctor at the clinic or potentially her GP would be willing to write a short letter / fit note for her to say she is not to attend school during that time? That would be enough to stop the school making a fuss!

I had it done in my 20s and they did it round where my bra strap would go. So I went to work. She needs to go to school.

Depends how big your back is. My daughter is quite slight so they couldn’t get them all in without using her entire back

Fair point. Not that I have a huge back 😂

I'd keep her off, tbh even if she did manage a soft bra it's still going to be awkward. She can't sweat at all, getting the bus to school she'll sweat. She can't use any body products near the area. Washing hair and body in sink then putting on uniform, managing a bag, walking around school, warm school, sitting uncomfortably in a chair, anyone messing and hits off her could move the patches, just explain to the school what's happening at least she can wear baggy loose cool clothes at home. She's only 14 and probably a bit scared.

Keep her off. Going to school without a bra and smelly as a teen just opens to ridicule. Unless she's in pain etc then would make sure she's spending some time a day revising/home work/etc

My ds4 was off school for 3 weeks when he was in Y10 and it took him until Christmas to catch up on what he'd missed (he was quite ill though). So, unless you can arrange for them to send work home for her to do that week there'll be a not inconsiderate amount of catch up.

Strip washing can easily take the place of showering but I don't know how you'd get around the bra issue, so whilst I wouldnt want to keep her off I can see you may have to. And yes, the itching maybe bad.

Just tell the school she has medical tests that last a week.
Honestly stop second guessing your instincts.

Secondary teacher here. I’d absolutely keep my daughter off for this. Get work from the school to do at home to keep her up to speed and get her back ASAP.

I would also not manage to go without a bra. I get why she would feel uncomfortable. Could you ask for work for her to complete at home?

So your experience is not remotely the same then is it.

Yes, I would keep her off for the week.
I would ask the clinic on monday for a medical advice note to give to the school recommending she stay home for the week and that remote learning or teachers emailing her homework is also recommended.

Surely she can still wash just not her back - still her arm pits and other areas can be washed and you can do her hair for her. Also one week in a soft bra isn’t so bad if she doesn’t do PE or anything like that is it? You can get soft bras with quite good support in them. Would expect her to be sweating walking to the bus now it’s gone cold either!

I would say a whole week off school for this is unreasonable - she will miss a lot!