Things you've considered leaving your DP for (lighthearted)

[Craziesareoutinfullforce]

My DP keeps putting the forks back with the spoons. There will even be one spoon left in the slot and he will just chuck the forks on top of them. I go to get a spoon out, I pick up a fork, and I'm ready for a fight. Seriously though if carries on I'm contacting a divorce lawyer because I just don't need this kind of toxic energy in my life.

Fire away

This is validating as I’ve considered it. I’m also considering buying a special stick for the couch so I can poke him viciously if he does it again.

In the same realm as these man problems…

“there’s no food” when the cupboard / fridge is full.

And “they had no bread, butter, milk etc…” in Tesco.

I was treated to some posh out of my own price range facial sunscreen for my birthday. He slathered three quarters of it over his stupid arms. Still not over it eight years later

I saw him struggling to snap the ridges on a big Toblerone. It had been in the fridge, next to the spinach which unsurprisingly remains untouched!

Dh once suggested getting a takeaway, it was at a time when DD took a fucking eternity long time to settle to go to bed. I spent all the time reading her a story/sitting with/settling her deciding what i might have. Got downstairs and hed made something healthy but disappointing for dinner. That was about 15 years ago and ive barely got over it 🤣🤣 (we dont have takeaways very often!)

For the bottom bit!! The time tree app. On both your phones and the link together so if you add something on your app he gets a notification. Daily notifications of all the events for that day

Trying to be posh, or trying to be funny? What words? Mine does the opposite and says some things in a faux working class accent followed by a sniff. Always in relation to if we need an electrician or similar. ( Feigns wiping his nose on his sleeve, sniffs and say "It'll cost ya").

Rushing me out the house cos I am making him late for work! I have got up, 3 kids breakfasts and ready for school, school bags packed, showered, got my self dressed, done my hair! He has got a shower and got dressed! But it’s 100% my fault we left 2 minutes late 🙄🙄

This. Every bloody day.

My DP is lovely but omg just leaves his fucking empty monster cans randomly around the house.. and drinks all my Volvic and doesn’t replace it 😂 he does go to the shop every morning he’s here and buys me an iced coffee and a lucozade for work though..

Opposite problem! Walks ridiculously fast all the time, leaves me and our sons trundling behind.

Hot steamy showers. He never airs the bathroom after. I find walking into a hot wet bathroom really gross.

His obsession with eggs
Washing his arse in the sink
Empty packets everywhere including in the fridge
His excruciating taste in music

I could go on, good job he's so lovely to me

😱😱😱

old tea towels fine for all that, but its not fun to dry the dishes you've just washed and get them covered in all manner of sticky crap , it gives me the ick & drives me batty

When he gets hiccups, after every hiccup he does a huge burp. Apparently he "can't help it".
The slightest hint of a cold, he does the "ill voice".
Walks really slowly round the supermarket or anywhere really. I say let's speed up, he says he can't go any faster. However if I'm walking slowly to look at something, he's away at 100mph.

That’s not light hearted. That is him not wanting you to go out, which is controlling

@Craziesareoutinfullforce i intentionally put things back in the wrong place when I do the dishwasher (he does it most of the time while I’m getting sorted for bed and sorting pets so it’s like once or twice a month)

I find it hilarious, especially when he doesn’t mention it to me, tries to put things back where they should be, and ends up laughing because he knows I’m laughing and he is trying to be annoyed with me.

But…I have told him many times that if he doesn’t stop doing 10 or more sneezes one after each other that I will leave him. I HATE it 😂

A couple of lines

"The specific ocean"
"I pacifically asked him"

We are divorced now not for those reasons but it was a close call

Hang on…he washes his arse in the sink 🤔

LTB

Leaving me a coffee on his way to work every morning but always an empty kettle lol

Mine too. i ask him but now he is just giving me a grocery list…I know what we bought love, I want to know what you’d like to have for tea

sniffing. All the time.

Sitting down with me at the end of a tv program and wanting to know what it's about.

Every night without fail he says “ shall we go t’bed” in a Yorkshire accent . We are not from Yorkshire or anywhere close !

I suspect dh has sleep apnea (he won't go to doctor)
He wakes up startled and goes "Ohh" then breathes heavilly and then falls straight back to sleep.

Meanwhile I'm frightened out of my skin and 1 hour later just doing off again as he does another startle.

I contemplate divorce a lot..

Doesn't help DDog is a Basset Hound and while not much of a howler does like the occasional 3 am howl. Then I am treated to eerie howl AND dh being startled...

(Wouldn't divorce the dog though)

Oh GOD mine too. His sauntering pace is actually hard for me to keep to as I just naturally walk so much faster