Things you've considered leaving your DP for (lighthearted)

[Craziesareoutinfullforce]

My DP keeps putting the forks back with the spoons. There will even be one spoon left in the slot and he will just chuck the forks on top of them. I go to get a spoon out, I pick up a fork, and I'm ready for a fight. Seriously though if carries on I'm contacting a divorce lawyer because I just don't need this kind of toxic energy in my life.

Fire away

I am spiritually linked to the woman in the advert (can’t remember what it’s for) where he’s stuck on two almost identical shades of white paint and she grits her teeth and says ‘you take all the time you want darling ’.

really resonates. I’ve realised over 25 years that he just can’t be rushed with this kind of thing, so I tend to mentally check out and leave him to it and I get on with things I want to do. Luckily I care very little about things like paint colours otherwise it would probably drive me properly insane.

I use tea towels in such manner.

They also get used as damp dusters, mopping up spillages, and wiping the dogs' feet.

He makes a sort of sharp out breath through his nose when he says something he thinks is funny.
he’s lucky I’m still around.

Picking up very dirty cloths or tea towels that I purposefully left in front of the washing Machine because I used them for something dirty - and folding them neatly by the sink!

He is currently in his dressing gown of doom.

I hope you meet this with a disgusted dirty look every single time

The dogs feet?? I was with you until that haha

Tbh I am you're husband haha please don't come for me. I remember when I was 19 I went to buy a specific shade of white paint for my bedroom wall and it was out of stock and I had to choose a 0.00000001% darker shade of white. It ruined my day and I sometimes still think about it

You get onto that divorce lawyer darling don't wait a minute longer

Oh man this would mentally kill me off. I don't blame your response tbh but actually does sound like living in halls hahaha

My DP is the same though RE the toothpaste. Jesus christ. He will squeeze that thing until it is a black hole and nothing else can escape it. On one occassion, he didn't realise I had bought and been using my own secret toothpaste, and he actually went to the effort of cutting off the end of the tube and scraping the remaining 0.005mg of toothpaste left in it out with his toothbrush. Tbh I should have ended it then

I would repurpose it in the charity shop @CuteOrangeElephant

Despite having two cupboards for shoes and coats, he’ll leave his all over the entrance hall/kitchen. Once there were 7 pairs of his shoes in the kitchen. He’s lucky they didn’t get thrown out into the garden!

Taking off his socks and leaving them next to the sofa.
We have 3 big work surfaces in our kitchen, he seems to manage to dirty all of them just making one single cup of tea. He does usually tidy up after himself but on the odd occasion where he’s made a tea and rushing out the door with it I’m baffled and enraged at the mess made from one fucking cup of tea.

God my ex used to do this and I'm so glad he's my ex. Disorganised people will not be tolerated

Are we going out with the same person??? I'm suspicious now

Or at his head if it were me

Wowww that screwdriver would have magically accidentally hit him in the eye not long after if this were in my house 🤯😤 I'm fuming for you

Fuck is this actually a requirement for being a man??? I've always heard that age old sort-of saying that 'mum always knows where everything is', but I didn't realise that not only is it really, very true, but it also extends to the fact that dad/man never knows where it is, or anything else for that matter. Every single man I have ever known or been with has been like this.

DP likes to leave the sitting room door wide open when he comes through it. This means that from my seat I can see the darkened hallway and stairs, and feel the draught that comes through. But then when we go to bed, he closes that same door! Why???

I am actually sat here with genuinely the most horrified look on my face reading this. Not even joking when I say LTB 😩

Just start incessantly screaming as loudly as possible everytime he walks in and doesnt shut it. Dont say why until he figures it out. Do this everytime it happens until he is trained to shut the door

Leaving a drawer or door 2cm open
The way he hangs washing - makes no sense - 1 sock with a pj top but the pj bottoms with a towel 😅

Mine is a very, very, petty, little problem....
"Boo-tar" in a daft voice... Pass me the boo-tar, shall I boo-tar the bread - every.single.time. IT.IS.BUTTER...B U T T E R. arrghhhh.

Teeth on cutlery. Christ almighty it makes my ears bleed. I swear he does it on purpose. If he'd done it back when we were dating, I'd have ghosted him.
I try and ignore but I am human and occasionally snap at him. Then he has the AUDACITY to look like a kicked puppy 🤣🤣

Putting things NEAR where they belong, but not where they actually DO belong. Putting random things on top of bins, washing machine, etc. so I have to move them to actually use the thing for its intended purpose. Being incapable of disposing of the dryer lint properly. Just leaving it in a wad. I’m sure he’d have plenty of legitimate complaints about as well,