Things you've considered leaving your DP for (lighthearted)

[Craziesareoutinfullforce]

My DP keeps putting the forks back with the spoons. There will even be one spoon left in the slot and he will just chuck the forks on top of them. I go to get a spoon out, I pick up a fork, and I'm ready for a fight. Seriously though if carries on I'm contacting a divorce lawyer because I just don't need this kind of toxic energy in my life.

Fire away

Talking over my high brow programs such as Below Decks and Made in Chelsea.

I hear you, that would be infuriating.

Mine is - The fact that every single room in the house I went into today, had an item of his clothing in it. Be it a sock, jumper etc, every single room. Pick up your shit you man child!!!

If anyone talked over MIC I'd backhand them

The closest we've come to divorce was when I put the bins out and he left for work mid-morning and brought the card and paper bin back in despite it still being full to the brim, because he assumed they'd already emptied it because it "felt light", but he didn't actually check inside.

I'm ngl it's getting to me and I think he might be doing it on purpose as some sort of social experiment to see how long it is before I crack

God that would do my head in. You should empty the washing basket on his floor on a regular basis for the rest of your life as revenge

I'd have caught a charge if my DP did this to me oh lorddddd

My husband doesn’t crush his cans when he puts them in the recycling basket. He puts them in whole. I’m not even sure why so I’ve never actually mentioned it but this drives me bananas.

I will divorce my 'd'h because he never empties the cutlery caddy when he unloads dishwasher! He just puts dirty cutlery on top! It drives me bananas!

Dh: "you should go out with your friends more"
I try to arrange something, after checking the calander
DH... "actually im working then"

Every. Bloody. Time.

I had a very expensive stone fireplace installed. An hour after it was finished, while putting the mirror up above the fireplace he dropped his screwdriver and took a big chip out of the hearth.

The “man look”. Why, in the name of all that is fucking holy, can he not SEE what is on a shelf, directly in front of him???
Every time he says to me “we haven’t got any xyz”, and it’s staring him in the face? I contemplate divorce.

Mine mansplains my own job to me that he has no experience in, and the computer system that he has never used.

Your husband is correct. You shouldn't crush cans or plastic bottles as automatic sorting machines can misidentify crushed cans as cardboard or paper.

Leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor
Leaving his towel on the bedroom floor
Putting his phone/keys/ whatever his holding down on the nearest surface then complaining he can’t find it ( either because he’s forgotten where he put it or I’ve put it back where it actually belongs).

He constantly tries to guess the punchline/next thing a character will say when we’re watching a movie or TV show. Almost always wrong, obviously!! It drives me absolutely bananas.

Noted thanks but he’s actually not… my local council explicitly states that we are welcome to flatten or squash drink cans to save space in our burgundy bin, provided they are completely empty. Not all councils allow it if they don’t use certain specialised machinery for sorting.

Tbf I think I'd actually cry at that.

Not a divorce husband thing but, living with multiple men. Every single time im busy doing something and need to move to another part of the house. I guarantee that one of them is just standing there in the way.

Like wtf is it about door frames? Is there a beam that holds them?!

Fair enough - carry on squashing...🫢

Me: what do you want for dinner?

Him: we could have curry or there’s pasta or maybe a pizza or…

me: I know what we have in, what would you like?

him: well I think there’s some ham in the fridge.

I KNOW WHAT THERE IS. WHAT DO YOU WANT?????

Not listening
Hairs
Says certain words in faux posh manner
Driving his driving is fucking intolerable

He walks slow. It more like a trundle. No matter where he is going or how quick he needs to be - same speed, everytime. If i was dying and he needed to race off and get me the anti-vax, he would trundle off. It’s just his thing but drives me insane.

He scrapes his cutlery on the plate. And because the noise doesn't bother him he thinks I'm being ridiculous when I physically recoil. And yet the minute you crunch cotton wool in his ear....😂

He reversed my car into another car whilst parking, and claimed it was my fault for buying a car without parking sensors.
I don’t need parking sensors, because I don’t hit stuff when I’m parking.

Yes! I have lived solely with four males for aeons, often asked why they stand in the isthmus. They do it in shops too. 😂