To not want to go over MIL for christmas dinner?

[ZeStreng]

because she's a terrible cook?

We don't usually eat at my MIL and FIL's house. Food hygiene has always been a bit of a concern for us. She tends to keep sauces and other items long past their use-by dates!, and there's often food in the fridge that's way past its best.

When the children were younger, we used to alternate Christmas Day between my parents and my husband's parents. However, once the kids were around 4 and 2, we decided to start spending Christmas at home instead.

Since then, we haven't spent Christmas Day at my in-laws'. They haven't invited us over, and they haven't come to ours on Christmas Day either.

When we stopped alternating, my parents would still pop round on Christmas morning to watch the children open their presents. They've naturally stopped doing that now that both kids are teenagers. We've only gone out for Christmas lunch with my parents twice, once when my grandad had a terminal diagnosis and another year when a family member was celebrating a milestone birthday on Christmas Day. They also came to us last year with my nan.

This year, my in-laws have invited us over for Christmas dinner, but if I'm honest, nobody is particularly keen. Even my husband is trying to find a polite way to decline because he's not a fan of his mum's cooking either. The difficulty is that MIL is feeling quite upset about it as she can tell we don't want to go over.

I don't want to eat a terrible meal on Christmas day! I also resent going over a bit when they never come over to us and we had the young kids.

Is anyone allowed to do what they actually want on Christmas day? I wouldn't want to host people or be hosted if I knew the people in question weren't happy about it !

So much angst on here already over Christmas, mainly always focused on the MIL. Just get your big girl pants on OP and decline the invite as that is 100% what you want to do.

Not the point of the thread, and really nothing to do with me, but I would miss not having an actual table.

We have a table in the dining room that we eat at and often play board games round of an evening. Then there is one in the lounge that gets used for hobbies etc. Currently one end has my jigsaw in progress and the other end has a Lego model in progress.

So will you eat Xmas dinner at the breakfast bar?

Offer to bring food with you, or buy it from m&s. Or just invite them over and make do, plenty of people squeeze people in at Christmas. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

It is pretty clear that you don’t like your in laws. That’s not a criticism, people can not get along for lots of different reasons. But, I would try to include them in your plans given youve been spared their cooking and their company for many years now.

I’m confident you could find a way to accommodate two extra people in your home on one day of the year, you don’t want, but you could and I think it would be unreasonable not too.

I agree about finding a way to host them in your house, if possible. Is there no way you could squeeze a small 2 seater table and chairs into your kitchen/dining area? Buy a cheap one off Facebook market place or similar.

My elderly relatives are the same regarding our sofa’s so I do understand what you mean. Struggle massively in and out of them and complain it hurts. It’s not pleasant to watch and makes hosting feel very awkward. Not much you can do when they need an electric reclining armchair to stand them up to basically get out of a seat (which they all have at home), not like they can bring it over in the boot! If they don’t mind sitting on one, we sometimes bring the dining chairs in for them but it’s not the most comfortable for them either.

I think you'll need to say you were all excited to spend Christmas in your new home but maybe next year, and hopefully they won't invite you if you decline this year!

'Sorry, we've already pre-ordered our Christmas food this year so we won't be travelling but you're both welcome to come by in the evening for a cuppa and a mince pie'

Why is this on OP when her DH, their own son doesn’t
want to go either?

There are other days besides Christmas (Christmas Eve and Boxing Day they can go over.

*When the children were younger, we used to alternate Christmas Day between my parents and my husband's parents. However, once the kids were around 4 and 2, we decided to start spending Christmas at home instead.

Since then, we haven't spent Christmas Day at my in-laws'. They haven't invited us over, and they haven't come to ours on Christmas Day either.*

I am curious why MIL wants them on Christmas now since it has been years and the kids are teenagers.

Your husband should have mentioned the lack of hygiene years ago, it's on him to figure out a reply to his parents.

TBH I do think this is the best tactic, it’s pointless trying to negotiate with someone when you both want a completely different thing.

Don’t phrase it that you don’t want to go, just that you have decided that you, DH and DCs will be spending the day as a family at home. Happy to meet up another day during the holidays

Yeah... I'd not be risking food poisoning for a quite life...

I hate it when you go to someone's house to visit and they leave their TV on! Especially as it's usually crappy daytime TV. I don't understand why anyone would want to hold a conversation with that in the background!

Couldn't you tell you husband to turn their TV off when you arrive for visits?!

He has, loads. They don't care. They say the food is fine and to put it back in the fridge. 😷

Yogurts 4-6 weeks out of date.
Corn beef that's been opened for a week and out of date too.

Gross. Its their house, we cant just go in and clear their fridge out, they would have nothing left.

We play board games in the front room around the coffee table. I am in my 30s and still capable of sitting on the floor.

This isn't our forever home either, by the time my kids grow up and start having kids I think we would of moved again to something with a bigger table.

I could also rip the breakfast bar out and put a table there but I like it at the moment, it suits us.

I also hate it, they half try to watch it while we talk too. Its rude.
I might as well just go home.

Just say the kids are moaning and they want to be at home and say they don’t mind popping round for desserts and you’ll bring them.

Lols, yes,I remember being in my 30s and sitting on the floor, it was often more comfortable that some sofas 🤣

And the downside to tables is that they do attract clutter.

Years ago now, used to hate going to in laws at xmas and staying over. At my mums it was always great food, slouching in front of the telly stuffing lovely chocolates, warm house, everything was easy going....at in.laws it was rubbish food, arguments and sulks about washing up, resentment about people watching TV, alcoholic MIL trying to force drinks on people who werent drinkers, and her just not eating food, and very drafty bedrooms with sheets and blankets and not duvets. Horrible. After my divorce j was soooo happy j never had to endure another cmas with them.

I wont lie, Iv defiantly noticed my back aching a little bit more after a floor session though!😂

My mother is the same. I noticed when I moved out that I suddenly stopped getting all these random tummy bugs/chest infections/ear infections.

The latter because her lack of cleanliness wasn't just in the fridge!!

Tell them you will cook the turkey at your house and let them do the vegetables, rare to get tood poisoning from veg. Take a desert. Ask if you can turn the TV off as you're finding it hard to hear them. Sorted!

This is perfect! Agree with this.

I’d honestly just compromise and say you’ll go out for a meal with them before or after Xmas. We always have Christmas at home, half of my family are Jewish anyway so unless Hanukkah falls around Christmas, we don’t have to go see them that week- winner winner. The rest of them are slotted in during the week of Christmas at some point that suits all. Just arrange something for Boxing Day or the day after.

Is there a pub or hotel near their's thats doing Xmas lunch? Can you frame its as 'Oh, Mil let us treat you'