To not want to go over MIL for christmas dinner?

[ZeStreng]

because she's a terrible cook?

We don't usually eat at my MIL and FIL's house. Food hygiene has always been a bit of a concern for us. She tends to keep sauces and other items long past their use-by dates!, and there's often food in the fridge that's way past its best.

When the children were younger, we used to alternate Christmas Day between my parents and my husband's parents. However, once the kids were around 4 and 2, we decided to start spending Christmas at home instead.

Since then, we haven't spent Christmas Day at my in-laws'. They haven't invited us over, and they haven't come to ours on Christmas Day either.

When we stopped alternating, my parents would still pop round on Christmas morning to watch the children open their presents. They've naturally stopped doing that now that both kids are teenagers. We've only gone out for Christmas lunch with my parents twice, once when my grandad had a terminal diagnosis and another year when a family member was celebrating a milestone birthday on Christmas Day. They also came to us last year with my nan.

This year, my in-laws have invited us over for Christmas dinner, but if I'm honest, nobody is particularly keen. Even my husband is trying to find a polite way to decline because he's not a fan of his mum's cooking either. The difficulty is that MIL is feeling quite upset about it as she can tell we don't want to go over.

I don't want to eat a terrible meal on Christmas day! I also resent going over a bit when they never come over to us and we had the young kids.

Pop in for a cup of tea/glass of wine and some mince pies which you take?

Or maybe mil can suck it up that op and family don't want to visit ?
Some saps in here!
It's op's Christmas too !

Get your dh to persuade them to come to you as a treat.

It can't be beyond your ability to put a tablecloth over a patio table or borrow a table - even a goPak table to trestle table for Christmas day.

Seems very sad you've not incorporated them in your Christmas for so many years. I can see it is nice to have Christmas in your own home - we did the same - but we mixed it up by inviting different family members each year.

How far away do they live?

Can you just pop round for mince pies etc (and take them with you)

Just tell them the truth, you want to stay at home for Christmas. They don't need to know the real reason.

If they want to see you over Christmas, could you suggest a lunch out instead? Or you could go to thier house and suggest a buffet which you can contribute to, and just eat what you took 😉

Sorry, must've skipped over that bit. I thought they were 4 and 2. People who don't read the OP, eh?!

When I was growing up we all used to have Christmas dinner at lunch time in our own house and then go to my aunts house for tea which would be sandwiches and cake sausage rolls etc. Or my aunts family came to us.
No one had to cook dinner for loads of people and we all got to see each other.
Maybe this would work for you, less likely to get food poisoning from a tea.

Brilliant idea. It ticks all the boxes.

Time for the phrase: "Someone is going to be unhappy - make sure it's not you!"

You could accommodate MIL at yours if you wanted to. Elephant's feet under the sofa, cheap or borrowed or hired table and chairs. If you don't want to, own it and act accordingly.

We did similar one year when MIL couldn't come over to us for practical reasons. We weren't worried about hygiene but she tends to take hours to (over)cook tiny portions of barely edible food. We sold it to her as wanting to treat her and let us do the hard work so she can just enjoy the day. It's a bit of a gamble though if you're visiting someone who likes to cook- not sure what we'd have tried to insist on cooking.

No way would I have Xmas dinner at a minging house. And certainly wouldn’t inflict it on teenage kids. Can’t you blame menopause symptoms, or that one of teenagers has a boyfriend/girlfriend coming round, or that you need to be on call for a neighbours dog that you’re pet sitting etc?

Could you invite them over and go out for lunch. I know it’s expensive but it might be a solution.
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Given this and the 10 days out of date ham incident (plus all the other food hygiene concerns), I think your DH needs a bit of an honest face to face with them and maybe an offer to have Christmas dinner out with them this year.

Just have your husband reply to say the offer is kind but as X teen wants to see friends and Y teens wants a very late dinner, we won’t make it but perhaps, the would like to go out on Boxing Day (your treat) to X nice but not swanky eatery?

Another vote for just saying you want to stay home so the kids can enjoy their gifts and invite them to you. That’s if you want to host them. If you don’t, you can just say thanks but no thanks we like doing our own thing for Christmas dinner.

You could do what we’re doing (for different reasons) - we’re going up the weekend before and taking them out for a Christmas lunch. We’ll facetime when we’re opening their gifts on Xmas day and to drink a toast. Our kids are 18/21 and as much as they love the DGPs, a flying visit for lunch is much easier.

Why don’t you suggest going over after dinner for drinks?

Or, honestly, get your husband to be honest with his own parents. We don’t want to eat at yours because you eat out of date food and it’s gross.

I think the best bet in these situations is to say that you like spending Christmas at home and don't want to travel. It avoids this coming up again - making excuses just kicks the can down the road. You need to have a get out once and for all.

Tbh, your Dh should talk to his parents about food hygiene and not eating out of date stuff. I would have this conversation with my mum if it was necessary and it would be better coming from him than you and kinder than making excuses (which they are seeing through) and them not knowing why. There's room for truth in relationships, if delivered kindly.

I think we have settled on saying we wont be going.

Christmas dinner is so expensive now to eat out! We were looking last night and it was £80+ a head

The kids are teenagers.

The worst Xmas I even had was at MIL (and she did several) this included cooking the turkey for an extra 90 minutes ‘to make sure it’s done’. It was like dust. I still have nightmares about the meal and I had terrible stomach ache that evening.

we came home on the 27th, bought stuff from M&S and made another Christmas dinner to cleanse ourselves of it!
make some excuse with the teenagers, maybe one of their friends coming round or something.

Yeah, and? 😆

Sorry, I didn't read the OP properly.

Such was my determination never to eat a meal cooked by ils when had ds and was home the same day i cooked a big roast dinner for everyone that evening...
Veg in the slow cooker for hours.

Her gravy was gravy salt mixed with hot tap water...
<shudders at memory >.

I agree with this - visiting them is not just about going for a meal and it is just one meal. You could even offer to cook the turkey and bring it with you 'to make things easier for them' if you're that concerned. It's about your DH and DC spending time with his parents/their grandparents. You're also showing your children how they may treat you and any future in-laws.....