Not ready for baby to stay overnight with family. AIBU?

[spicegirls1]

I’m a first time mum. My baby is only 4 months old. We had a lot of losses before he was born, so we’ve waited a long time for him. Mine and my husbands families are very different. His family like to control every single situation which never bothered me until now. My MIL and SIL keep asking to have my son overnight and keep saying that they can’t wait for a sleepover etc. I think it’s a bit weird…I personally think he should be with me and I don’t feel comfortable with a sleepover just yet. But they keep pushing it. And then when they finally let it go, they say things like…”bless you, you’re just not ready are you? You must be struggling” am I right thinking that they’re being weird??

That's nuts. Mine never stayed over with grandparents let alone at four months. There was no need. I didn't have kids to then ship them off to other people.

It's very weird to want this. Different if you actually want a babysitter.

What the fuck. You’re completely right to say no! Your baby is tiny! All he needs is you and his daddy, he’s precious and dependent and the last thing he’d benefit from is being passed around like a doll by people who don’t respect your bond and your wishes.

Excuse my French but FUCK no. They can all fuck off. Firstly you don't ever need to feel comfortable with it, it's your baby. Secondly 4 months is brand new. They just want their mother or perhaps dad at that age, they don't understand why they're not there all night at a sleepover and are too small to have that bond with any extended family yet.

Then there's the history of your losses, they should be respecting your relationship with your child and your husband needs to nip. It. In. The. Bud. It'd maddening people behave like that!

While I absolutely agree the OP should say no, at this point if you are willing to have your GC overnight, I think it would be nice to say to the parents something along the lines of “if you would like to have a night away, we’d be happy to look after the GC overnight”. Not pressuring them like the OP is being lressured, just letting them know the option is there. There are so many threads on MN where people moan about GPs not offering to help and the parents feeling it would therefore be an imposition to ask.

They are very weird! DGD is 6 months and was exclusively breast fed until v recently when weaning started
I have baby sat for max 5-6 hours in their home with expressed breast milk in a bottle - which has worked really well for all
I also have baby for shorter stints for appointments etc
Would be lovely to have overnights from toddler onwards but I will be led by her parents

Wouldn't have dreamt of my child sleeping over anywhere as a baby - at 4 months I'd have thought it was a joke. Next time they say it say "no not going to happen. Sorry you are struggling".

Your baby is your child not a family toy to be passed around.

Not to mention the fact that the only person a baby or young child wants is their mum. Why would they think it is appropriate to distress a baby for their own pleasure?

I think my children were 5 and 3 the first time they slept at their grandparents without us and thats because we finally treated ourselves to a short weekend away.

0-2 years mine would absolutely have not been okay at anyone else’s.
i have 3 kids and only been apart from eldest once or twice

Hell no. This behaviour gives me the rage. This YOUR baby, no one elses. Don’t let them bully you.

I wouldn’t have let my 4 month old go for sleepovers. I’m not against people doing this. But your not odd for not finding this a helpful offer.

No.
You're in charge. Don't let them make you feel lacking in confidence here. They've had their kids - this one is yours. I think mine (twins) were about seven before they stayed over anywhere. Get your DH to back you up - the baby belongs with you.

I’d say no I’m not struggling my baby is too young to be away from me. If and when I decide I want him to have a sleepover I will ask.

They're weird. And don't you dare justify why you're not up for it to them. You don't want to is enough. No thanks is enough.

My girl slept over at her Nan's for the first time aged 2 years old. Nobody thought it weird and I wouldn't have cared if they had xx

My DC stay at grandparents a lot, but not before they’ve been weaned at the very earliest. Sending a breastfed baby off to a sleepover is absolutely bonkers.

My daughter was well over 3 before I let her sleep out - she was still breastfeeding at night until just over 2, and only slept through the night after she stopped, and she was dry at night before she stayed out too. If you don't want baby to sleep out that is up to you, if anyone had even suggested her going out at 4 months I'd have probably lost my mind

I wouldn't do sleepovers for a child who is too young to tell you about any problems that happen during it. We waited 12 years for the first one.

“You must be struggling” would be an absolute red rag to me and they’d never have my baby for a sleepover after that. If they undermine you to your face, god knows what they’ll do behind your back. Bizarre to push for a sleepover with a tiny baby!!

They are very weird and it sounds like they’re used to being in charge - you may have further issues like this so definitely hold this boundary firmly, they need to learn that they are not the boss of you.

This exactly. They just want to play with the new toy. My MIL was similar. She started making comments about looking forward to it the first time she met him, when he was about 4 days old ! I never forgave her.
I would get DH to tell them to back off (in a way that shows he agrees with you, not that he agrees with them but just doesn’t want to fight with you !), and that there are unlikely to be any sleepovers before your child is a toddler. I think mine were about 4 years oldbefore they had any kind of sleepover without us! (And an occasional babysitter from around 1 year or 18 months)

Got to be a wind up. Why would two women want a 4 month overnight.

those two are trying to dominate you/score points over you OP

It’s not unreasonable, but them acknowledging that you’re not ready for your baby to have for a sleepover is simply the truth, as your post says so. Fine if you’re not okay with it, but they’re not being weird, you are. They seem to have accepted it with no hard feelings. Why can’t you?

You said that you’re not ready to have the baby sleep over. They said, “Oh, you’re not ready to have the baby sleepover with someone else.” So, they acknowledged your choice. Maybe they don’t understand it, but they seem ready to abide by it. They are not weird, you are. When you feel the baby is old enough for at least one night, let them know. If they begin pushing again, just remind them you don’t think HE’S ready. It’s understandable they want to spend time with him. It’s understandable you feel it’s important he stay with you for now. Ultimately, it’s your decision. But they aren’t weird.

My children are 8 & 13 and have never stayed over with family. 🤷🏻‍♀️ They aren’t able to safely and capably look after them for various reasons and they would never invite them over (my 8 year old has never even been to either of his grandparents’ houses, older one visited one of them a few times when she was a baby/toddler). This is not a requirement and you can just say no.

@maxsliceat least your second comment was nicer. Thanks for calling me weird….you seem to be the only one who thinks I’m weird for disliking their patronising comments