Not ready for baby to stay overnight with family. AIBU?

[spicegirls1]

I’m a first time mum. My baby is only 4 months old. We had a lot of losses before he was born, so we’ve waited a long time for him. Mine and my husbands families are very different. His family like to control every single situation which never bothered me until now. My MIL and SIL keep asking to have my son overnight and keep saying that they can’t wait for a sleepover etc. I think it’s a bit weird…I personally think he should be with me and I don’t feel comfortable with a sleepover just yet. But they keep pushing it. And then when they finally let it go, they say things like…”bless you, you’re just not ready are you? You must be struggling” am I right thinking that they’re being weird??

@spicegirls1 I didn't do sleep overs until mine were 4!!

Just ignore them. I really dont understand the obsession of having sleepovers.

@FortyFacedFuckers yes I’ve been blunt. I asked if they could watch him for a few hours because we’re going out, and then they started with the “yeah great, I’ll just buy a travel cot” and I said “no it’s not overnight it’s just while we go to this show” and they were like “I don’t think so. We want him overnight!!”

My ds is 12 and slept out 5 times.. never had any need and he had no wish to.

12 years old..
Tell them you waited 9 months for your dc and he isn't a fucking doll to pass round.

My partners mother used to say similar, just keep ignoring it’ll soon stop 😄

I allowed myself to be bullied into overnight stays before I was ready by my mum, with my eldest. She’s 11 now and I’m still annoyed at myself!

Stand your ground.

Wow so they won’t babysit unless they get th overnight.

Definitely stand strong and never ask for babysitting use them as a last resort.

My rule was my kids didn't sleep out u til they wanted to. If people want to play with babies they can buy dolls.

I didn't even need to open the thread to know you weren't being unreasonable. I opened the thread and didn't even fully read the OP. I just saw the baby is four months old and clicked YANBU.

Nope.. sleepovers not necessary!

No no no no no no no no NOOOOO they've had and can have their OWN babies. I fucking hate how disrespectful these women are. SIL always goes on about her brother in law and his wife being 'anxious parents' because they don't let their six month old stay anywhere overnight. I just think she's a total naive idiot when she says it. No normal person would judge you for saying no, stand your ground.

‘Never mind. I’ll ask my mum or best mate to have him as we only want to see the show’ .

they don’t get to set the terms .

your baby . Sleepovers are when you want and need them

Gosh, horrendous how they're trying to make you feel like you're the weird one in this situation. They are being really strange. I think my eldest stayed with my parents for a night when she was 1.5 maybe?

No is a complete sentence. He is not a dolly for them to play with and he is staying with his parent, end of. Also they probably wouldn't follow your rules on safe sleeping.

I find it very odd when people want access to your child without you being there.

Yeah my mil went and brought her own cot etc. My dh wouldnt let dc out of his sight in sleep over sense or longer than couple of hours, he was so taken with them (which was fine with me). Dont think there was a sleep over until over a year old.
It does surprise me when people leave babies young but thats my own personal prejudice/pref coming out.

He’s not a toy that you need to learn to share! He’s a person who doesn’t get passed around for other people’s gratification. he won’t know your PIL yet and might well be very upset when he wakes in the night and neither you nor your DH who he is bonded to is there.

There might be a situation where you would find it helpful, eg you and your DH both get ill at the same time, you are having baby 2, etc, but unless that happens or you would like a night off, then just say no. On the very rare occasions my parents cared for my children overnight (which didn’t happen before age 3 by which time my DS knew and loved his grandparents), the GP stayed at our house.

My grandson is 2 and lives 5 minutes away. He’s never stayed overnight and I’ve never asked for him to. My daughter has a very strong bedtime routine and does not want to disrupt it and nor should she.

I would love him to stay and to see him first thing in the morning but it’s up to her.

So stand by your principles and say NO, your baby is not a toy to be passed around.

I was 11 the first time i was away from my mother for a night!

My 1 year old hasn't slept a night not in our room. Tell them to fuck off. (Unless you change your mind, which is fine. But if you dont want to then don't be pressured.)

No way should he be going for a sleepover ever! They sound a right couple of nutters.

They’re mad. 4 months is tiny. My daughter first had a sleepover at 3 and my son still hasn’t had one at 4. At 4 months it would be super stressful for both baby and mum; you’re supposed to be together at that age.

Also, why?! Have they forgotten what babies are like? I can’t think of anything worse than looking after someone else’s 4-month-old overnight.

Our grandchildren are 4 and 18 months. We've never had them overnight. I would never ask but would wait for their parents to suggest it.

Wtf? I never understand these posts on MN.

1. Why are people so desperate to have other people's babies for the night?
2. Why would any mother agree to this?

My son had his first "sleepover" with family aged 6, and that was young enough

Your reply is that you are not struggling.. you are turning into a tiger mother....
Continue to say no... until you decide to say yes..
Stay strong.x

You are normal. They are being very very weird. And very rude. “You must be struggling” FUCK off.
my three babies all breastfed at night until 2.5years old. so were always with me overnight. They didn’t stay overnight in relatives houses until over 4 years old.
simply say “ my baby isn’t having overnights away from me for a few years thank you so stop asking me”