Not ready for baby to stay overnight with family. AIBU?

[spicegirls1]

I’m a first time mum. My baby is only 4 months old. We had a lot of losses before he was born, so we’ve waited a long time for him. Mine and my husbands families are very different. His family like to control every single situation which never bothered me until now. My MIL and SIL keep asking to have my son overnight and keep saying that they can’t wait for a sleepover etc. I think it’s a bit weird…I personally think he should be with me and I don’t feel comfortable with a sleepover just yet. But they keep pushing it. And then when they finally let it go, they say things like…”bless you, you’re just not ready are you? You must be struggling” am I right thinking that they’re being weird??

Just tell them you don’t need an overnight babysitter.

Mad women, that's way too young for a sleepover unless you want it.

Its up to you, we did so we got some great nights sleep and baby bonded with other people

Yes, they’re being weird. Your baby is tiny and needs you.
They can have sleepovers if and when you are ready for your baby to have them. In the meantime, ask DH to tell them to back off with the patronising comments.

Babies aren’t very fun in the night (saying this as someone who currently has a 3 month old bracing myself for the night ahead). If you haven’t said you’re massively struggling with nights and they’re offering to help, then it is weird to just want the baby overnight.

I've always found this so strange! My son is 2.5 and I've only been away from him 3 nights total... two of those were when I was in hospital having my next baby. Each time he stayed home with my husband. I don't need or want to be away from my children overnight.

Some people go away soon, some don't for years. It's not even about trusting other people sometimes. I would 100% trust my mother or my best friend, and he'd probably have a great time, but I have no desire to be away from them.

There's no right or wrong but nobody should be trying to coerce you.

Unless you had been expressing that you had been super tired and in desperate need of a rest I have no idea why anyone would suggest that so soon. You are being perfectly reasonable, to want to keep your baby close.

My children were well over 12 months (and could even have been two years old) before they stayed at grandparents and they've never stayed with my siblings.

Don’t let anyone pressure you into over night babysitting till you want/need it.

Tbh the more they asked the longer they would be waiting. Mine very very rarely slept out at grannies pretty much only the works annual party. Even our wedding anniversary we just did a meal out and back home once they were in bed.

They don’t need sleep overs to bond and it’s kind creepy to be demanding a baby alone overnight. Why the need.

Some families are obsessed with having the baby on their own.

Baby is yours and your partners.

you 2 decide when and if your baby has a sleepover.

just ignore them. They are bring totally unreasonable.

your baby is not a toy or play thing for them to have a turn with.

laugh and move on.

lol no

mine were 7 years

My mil and sil were exactly the same. My ds is 4 and no sleepovers have happened yet!

I was grateful to them for it, and it makes it easier if there's ever a situation where they need to stay over at short notice. I went back to work soon, so it was nice to know my kid was with the grandparents, as I had to start so early in the morning, it was great they were happy to do an overnight,and I enjoyed the time with my husband (mini date night!), so I wouldn't say it's necessarily wrong for babies to sleep at grandparents' early. I personally wouldn't have wanted to leave a baby with a stranger so was very lucky Not everyone has the chance, or has this as an option, but I wouldn't say it was weird of me to do this.

The only good reason for a sleepover that young is if the new parents actually want a break. 4 month old babies do not need to bond with anyone other than their parents, a stable connection to their primary caregiver is what makes them feel safe and happy at this stage.

And even when they get older, there is absolutely no need for sleepovers for bonding. My mum has had my children overnight once (because I was at a wedding, not because she demanded it). They have an absolutely lovely bond. I don't think I slept at my grandma's house until I was about 8 or 9. I'm in my 30's and have always been very close to her.

Just be confident in your decision and tell them you don't want your baby to sleep over at anyone's house without you. Let them know they're more than welcome to come visit and see the baby that way... their wants are not a priority over your comfort as a new mum.

My DC don't do sleepovers, with family or anyone else, before school age. I don't see the need and they would more than likely wake up looking for me anyway when they were young and anyway they were breastfed.

I think it's odd people who actively go on at a mum to separate her from her baby overnight. I have seen dads go on too because they want uninterrupted sex.

In my wider family, the ones who send their babies for sleepovers tend to be the younger parents so they can have a night out and all day hangover the next day.

Your in-laws sound patronising as fuck with their "bless" comments so I wouldn't want my baby around them.

4 months! My babies would have screamed the place down.
Mine didn’t have a sleepover at grandparents until they were about 3 except for one occasion when we had to go to a funeral. I was BF and it was way too much hassle.

They're being weird. How in the world would sleeping in a strange house with people who don't fully know his routine benefit your baby? I mean it would be fine if you needed that, but better for him to be with his mum if possible. They're being a bit selfish really.

4 months old? You’re probably still breastfeeding! Tell them to sod off.

Very weird. A four month old will get no benefit from a sleepover. If anything, they'll be actively distressed to be away from their main caregiver for so long.

Nope. Lives have seasons and this is a season for togetherness with your teeny child. When your child is a little more autonomous it will change and you’ll regain some more independence. I would have had massive anxiety to have been away from my baby at that age.

I mean, if you’re breastfeeding then you can’t really do this (unless it’s an emergency, or your baby is fairly unusual and totally happy to take bottles of expressed milk through the night, or happens to already sleep through). Generally, I find ‘bless you’ comments to be extremely patronising. These ones definitely are. I’d dig my heels in and be less likely to allow a sleepover for longer, even when the baby was ready.

My son didn’t stay out overnight until he was 7, my sisters baby stayed with me when he was 2 days old, I think it’s kind of them to offer it but they shouldn’t push it, with my sister in law I told her I was happy to have the baby whenever she needed a break and just to let me know and left it at that until she’s ready.

have you been quite blunt in saying you don’t want him staying out yet and will let them know when you change your mind?

Don’t feel pressurised into doing anything you don’t want to. It’s absolutely fine to say that there’ll be no overnight stays. Maintain your boundaries!

My son is 7 and he’s never been for a sleepover. I hate it when extended families treat children like they’re a toy.

The last sentence there sums it up.

They sound like they're wanting a doll to play with.
Keep saying no. They'll get the point eventually.