Mum died, family fallen apart

[Stressedoutmummyof3]

When my mum first died (2 years ago) my sister and I seemed to get very close. However for at least the last year she seems to really hate me and it hurts when I can't think of a single thing I've done to hurt her.
She lives with my dad. I like to go and see my dad weekly but when I do she literally doesn't speak to me. I have tried to initiate conversation but she never responds or she might laugh but doesn't extend the conversation. She doesn't speak to my kids or husband either. I don't think my dad notices because she'll still talk to him when I'm there.
I did ask her if I'd upset her and she said no but then walked off. I have two brothers too and while I do love them and get on with them we don't see each other much or really have a lot in common as they're quite a bit older.
What breaks my heart the most is my mum was always about family. She and my dad didn't really have any close friends but they had each other and they were happiest when all the kids and grandkids were round. She'd even left us a note written quite a while before she died asking us all to look after each other.
Instead I've been frozen out by my sister and I'm angry with one of my brothers and SIL because they excluded my son from a family event.
I honestly think when my dad dies I'll probably never see any of my family again and that hurts.
I'm considering just cutting them off now, apart from my dad, but it hurts. I don't want to cut them off but it seems they've already made their choice.
Is there any way I can bring my family back together or do I need to accept they just don't like me.

Oh will you stop with this kind of behaviour. Saying things like “Oh I guess it’s all my fault. I’ll just stop trying then” is extremely manipulative language and behaviour. It is used to effectively shut down any sort of challenge.

if this is the way you talk with your sister, I can see why she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.

Could you and sis go out? Either dinner out, or a nice walk, or shopping in town.
Maybe plan something and chat - ask how she’s doing, how she’s finding it living with Dad. It may be she’s depressed and needs to see the GP.

How the hell am I manipulating anyone? You don't know me, I don't know you so I'm not manipulating anyone.
Loads of people have suggested it's my fault and I'm agreeing with them. I haven't said that to my sister, because as I've said she doesn't speak to me.

She doesn't want to go out with me. I've asked her to go out for a drink and for food but she always says no. I haven't just asked her round, I've tried to arrange things for just the two of us but she either says no or maybe but doesn't want to commit to anything.

If you are depressed or struggling with life, mentally, that’s what you do.

I don’t think you need to go out with her .. you need to sit down together and actually talk. Not leaving it when she says no, but actually talk until you have answers and you both understand the situation.

Hi
I too understand some of this. I too have a younger sister and a widowed dad with Parkinson's.
We are both in our early 50s but again we are probably children in our dad's eyes
I have two children one is an elder SEN young adult with the things going on at the moment.
My sister doesn't have children and I think my father can be very generous at times and kind deep down but is very old fashioned deeply set faith but feels that my sister is not quite an adult because she doesn't have a family of her own and that therefore he doesn't always treat as an adult but she doesn't always help herself not a natural carer.

This is where the problem is and my sister is not the easiest to talk too. Think we were all damaged a little because my father became very protective over my mother to the point of pushing us out and my late mother wouldn't always go to the doctors or let my dad help because she had to vascular dementia and it was just such a mess the last couple of years stuff you don't want to see going on in your parents' house/lives .
And they were so old-fashioned and that they felt that my sister was somehow vulnerable or she didn't want to face up to their needs they had indulged her they felt somehow they had to make up to her for not having a man oh it was just a nightmare.
And now he is a widowed he's put my poor mother up with some pedestal despite unfortunately her drinking problem and her own family rift didn't help her with her health and depression looking back on it all.

It's very hard and you have your own family with your own problems with your children and then you have this additional upset with your widowed father and sister then on top of all of that my husband's in laws are fighting fit and exceptionally healthy and lucky in their early 80s
Also they didn't really want to know me when my mother became ill despite the fact that we'd always met up over the years for get togethers.
I always try too hard with people and I feel that I've got to concentrate and helping my daughter at home so I'm going to step back a bit from my father and my sister are not get so involved and having opinion or chat or gossip because it just back fires
I know how you feel