....to think that retiring away from the city is bonkers?

[NewGrandmummy]

Inspired by another thread about moving away from London with small children, I wonder if anyone else has done as I have done, and actually moved back to London (or another major city) as preparation for retirement?

I truly don't understand the 'let's retire to the seaside/a rural smallholding/a tiny village' that seems to be in so many older people's minds. Why do that at a time of life when you will most likely have to give up driving at some point? How will you get to the supermarket/doctor/dentist/hospital/cinema/pub etc?

I'd love to hear from those who've moved out of London/a city for retirement and regretted it, or those who, like me, are moving towards civilisation (rather than away from it) as they get older.

Well it still depends on where you live…. Like, I wouldn’t be able to do any shopping to go to a supermarket, to see my GP, to go to hospital etc etc….

It hugely depends on the size and location. I grew up in a small Scottish town and it attracts a number of retirees from the south of England as well as Edinburgh & Glasgow. The town is very remote, and you need to be able to drive confidently for 30mins to an hour in order to get anywhere as public transport is so poor. The nearest hospital is a minimum of 45 min drive away. Roads in the area are prone to closures in winter as in many rural areas. So there's a big practical implication.

Aside from that, whilst there is a brilliant sense of community, I often wonder if people feel isolated from family as they are moving away from their adult children based in the south east who then have an 8 or 9 hour drive to visit them.

So I think it depends on personal resilience/willingness to drive (and be without conveniences such as online deliveries in some areas) and personality/willingness to "put yourself out there" and meet people, but that would be the same wherever you live. Or you could just be a person who loves the solitude, in which case you'd be all set.

Same where I live…
The countryside is lovely when you can still drive. When you can’t …..

I agree with this

You could move somewhere as a confident driver with no health issues and then find that things look quite different 5 years later

I’m considering exactly this - moving from city to seaside.

@Thecatandme which area did you settle on and why? Did you already have ties to the area before moving - any family or friends already there?

I hope you don’t mind me asking.

My in laws are in this position and it’s a nightmare. High medical needs, refusing to give up licences, car accidents, hitchhiking on 100km roads, constant calls for help for things around the property. We moved three states away.

@HettyMeg the whole point of tge OP is that, at some point, people have to stop driving. It’s not a IF or a ‘if you’re confident enough’, it’s a WHEN.

Plus, if you’re in Scotland, you have the issue of darkness and the fact it’s much harder/impossible to drive at night when you’re getting older.

My parents retired to London but eventually had to move again to a very small seaside town. Their London borough's advice for elderly care was 'leave London'. There were not enough home visit care workers, residential homes, nursing homes etc. The area they moved to had lots of them.

I agree OP, that it is crazy to move somewhere rural and isolated, but small towns or big villages with facilities nearby can be the best of both worlds. And, crucially, selling up a London house frees money needed for end of life care. My mum has dementia and the hundreds of thousands from the sale of their home have all gone to her care.

It's a fair point OP, though I don't think I'd ever choose London myself. But we live in a small village with no ammenities to speak of and no public transport and I don't intend to still be here when I'm 70. Our neighbour is in her 70s, recently widowed, can't drive and has no family locally so it has given me some insight into what living here would potentially be like for us in old age and it's not appealing, much as I love my home.
Some friends of ours are in their mid 60s and have recently sold their small holding and moved into the nearest small town. They are in great health now but wanted to move when it was their choice and they had plenty of time to look for a new house, not when they were forced to because they could no longer cope or one of them became ill. I think we'll follow suit once DH retires. I have been looking at some of the bigger villages near the town where my DD lives as it would suit her to have us nearer for childcare help and for us to be nearer her in case we need more support as we age. I don't want to be right on her doorstep or to live in a very urban area but we've seen a few villages that have a railway station and regular bus service, doctor's surgery, basic shops etc that I think would suit us nicely. I anticipate our next move being our last one other than I guess possibly into residential care, so I'm wanting to find somewhere that's going to be suitable for say 20 years, not just somewhere that works for us as active, outdoorsy people in our early 60s. You do have to be realistic about ageing but I think some people think it will never happen to them. Living in an area that's popular with both holidaymakers and retirees we see quite a lot of people moving here who clearly haven't thought things through properly and don't stay long

My elderly dps live in a rural location. There's a bus every hour but it doesn't start until mid morning. Their ability to get to gp appointments or the supermarket without a car is slim. Hospital is an hour away with no direct public transport links. Takeaways don't deliver. You can now get supermarket deliveries though and they nearly have fast enough broadband to actually order it! There are no chances to just pop to the theatre as it would take 2 hours to get there and again back home or an extortionate taxi journey. No clubs or societies to join unless you drive 30 mins. Usually they are in the evening when the buses don't run.

I will be staying in the city!

I think there is a middle ground between London and a remote beach or mountainside.

As a paramedic my list for anyone moving home for retirement would be

1. very near a GP and reasonble proximity to a district general hospital
2. near a bus route
3. space downstairs for a walkin shower room (and convert it before you need it not after) plus a bedroom (or a bungalow).
4. no outside steps, no steep driveways/ paths, no long gravel driveways/paths (they are a nightmare for wheelchair wheels, particularly the little ones on our carry chairs).
5. don't take on a property (house or garden) that is to big to reasonably manage the care and maintenance of - including the admin it leads to yourself - expecting others to do this whilst juggling life, work, their own home, their kids always leads to resentment.

Hmmm, where did I say that? I’m just dealing with the reality as I see it. Of course it would be great if cutting edge specialist care was available in every area, but it isn’t. I actually do my best to raise awareness of the options available to others with my DC’s condition, which might not be accessible where they live, so they can speak to their own doctors about it.

Of course, not everyone will need specialist heath care, and if they do then the local hospital offering might well be fine. But in my case dealing with some quite specific, rare subtypes of conditions, I’d rather not take my chances.

We are retiring to a town after rural living the past 20 years

We had no plans to go yet, but a tiny development is being built half a mile from the town with an outlook to open fields - so it has to be done

If we stay where we are - which I love - in another 20 years our lives are going to be tiny and neither of us are ready for that

From where the new home is situated, we can walk into town, where the busses and train is , the Gp, the shops and services

Being in the arse end of nowhere has suited us for a long time, but our needs are changing

Hi, OP, this is exactly what I want to do. We moved out of London 15 years ago (after many years living there but not together) to a very naice town that is highly desirable, with stupidly high house prices, fantastic, outstanding schools and low crime. I fucking hate it here. We should never have moved away from London in the first place - that move was mostly down to my severe PND and one particularly crap neighbour. I regret it every day. Luckily, central London is only a short train journey away. But I want to be making plans to leave here as soon as our youngest goes to university in a couple of years. My DH is more ambivalent about moving back, and I do accept that the London I used to know and love with a passion is quite different these days. However, my mental health has gone down the toilet living here, so he knows this might be a marriage deal breaker for me. On my side, we do have a good marriage and great kids, and that's not something I want to do damage to. We're retiring in the next 5 years, so whatever we decide is probably going to be a permanent decision for both of us. If I was on my own, I'd be gone from here in a heartbeat.

I completely agree OP. I don't think you need to live in a city, but isolated/rural village is unwise - and I would add away from any established community. I work in a GP surgery in your typical South coast retirement hotspot and trying to get hold of NOK who are elsewhere in the UK when that accident happens, or when there is a sudden stroke, or concerns about declining memory.... unless you are REALLY good at finding your feet in a new community (e.g. part of a church, super sociable or already have friends or family where you are moving to) please reconsider! Everyone who thinks health issues/scares/frailty will happen to someone else, and they will 'move back if and when it happens' is not factoring in the unexpectedness of life. You can live 30 miles from a DGH (doesn't sound like much) but that is a FORTUNE in a taxi if you have no-one who can help get you there and back.

And that is not taking into account the loneliness and isolation of moving somewhere very lovely but where you don't know anyone.

My parents have done this and they are now finding out what a bad idea it was. They can't afford to move back to civilisation and all offers of help have been declined. I respect this is their choice but they really haven't planned. There is one bus a week out and one bus a week in. This means they are now starting to drive when it's not advised. Doctor says not to drive after an eye procedure? They're driving because 'there is no-one else to do it'.

When my uncle had a stroke and had to travel 30+ miles on tiny rural roads in an ambulance it was terrifying. I don’t understand the appeal of living so very rurally!! They have no neighbours and have to drive everywhere. Not great if either of them ever have to stop driving.

That power of community spirit is not to be underestimated.

I agree with that. I have that here and it is so precious. Nothing can replace that.

With online shopping now everywhere, living in the country is not a problem. Unless you like mooching round shops - which is my idea of hell!

Yes, moved into London for retirement, deliberately half a mile from nearest hospital and all useful shops 2 minutes walk away.

I think the reason people retire to rural places, is because they've always wanted to live in said beautiful, rural place, but job/work has stopped it from being possible. So retirement is literally the only chance they've had to live where they've dreamt of living.

I take your point about it being impractical, but I totally understand the mindset of a fit 60/65 year old moving to their rural idyll. They just need to think ahead 10-20 years about a backup plan.

I moved from a capital city, into the middle of a very rural area when my second child was born... It takes some adjusting, and it's definitely not for everybody. It's really a different change in lifestyle altogether.

There's few jobs outside of agriculture, and it's imperative to own a car or two as there's no bus route where I live. Hospitals and shops are 15 minutes by car. Many of my neighbours are elderly, but due to growing their own food, walking, and good living some are still doing the vegetable plots, cutting wood and being semi self-sufficient into their mid-90's... I guess if that wasn't the case, they'd probably have to find a small place in a town instead.

I fully intend to move back to London when I retire. I grew up there and it's still "home" for me, despite many decades living elsewhere. I moved out when I had kids for space and affordability, but they're adults now and I'm on my own again so don't need much. I have about 10 years to retirement so I'm saving like hell in order to be able to buy a London flat mortgage-free. If the property market changes such that I can't afford it, I have another city in mind as a back-up plan. I have health issues and want to be able to live independently without a car, have access to specialist healthcare, be near transport hubs for travel elsewhere, and be in walking/bussing distance from high quality arts and culture.

But that's just my plan. Everyone wants different things from life and from old age, so I'm not sure it's a good AIBU topic. I do think older people in poor health who move to the middle of nowhere aren't quite thinking things through though.

I lived in cities during my university years but have never chosen to do so since. So many more benefits for me to live in the countryside. It keeps me much fitter than city living and the air is much cleaner. I’m only 30 mins from two major cities so I can dip in if I chose.

I mean, it's really not hard to understand.

Most people have jobs in towns or cities, so they move to certain areas not because they necessarily want to live there, but because it's where the work is.

Once people stop working, the choice of where to live opens up, and many people both prefer living away from shitty urban areas like London and to places which are both much, much nicer to live in and are much much cheaper.

And it may come as a surprise to the OP but we do actually have buses and hospitals outside of the south east.

I agree with you. I live in Scotland surrounded by valleys and 10 minutes from the beach. However. we are now 60 and there is no bus service from where we live, despite having a free bus pass! The nearest hospital is understaffed and A & E has been removed, meaning the nearest hospital is at least 90 minutes away, more than that in holiday season. You can't walk of cycle to the doctor as it is 10 miles away up steep single track roads. The nearest supermarket is a 70 mile round trip. I am definitely looking at moving nearer to a town or city as we age, although not London as I was there the other week and it was full of mad people on the streets and getting around was a nightmare as transport was rammed.