....to think that retiring away from the city is bonkers?

[NewGrandmummy]

Inspired by another thread about moving away from London with small children, I wonder if anyone else has done as I have done, and actually moved back to London (or another major city) as preparation for retirement?

I truly don't understand the 'let's retire to the seaside/a rural smallholding/a tiny village' that seems to be in so many older people's minds. Why do that at a time of life when you will most likely have to give up driving at some point? How will you get to the supermarket/doctor/dentist/hospital/cinema/pub etc?

I'd love to hear from those who've moved out of London/a city for retirement and regretted it, or those who, like me, are moving towards civilisation (rather than away from it) as they get older.

That’s a bit rude, assuming that those in their 80s can’t look after themselves. Both our widowed mothers are completely alone,late 80s, one 4 hours away( bowel cancer survive with Stoma) the other down the road with the normal elderly ailments. We both work full time and would make ourselves available but one is fiercely independent and uses buses and teaches herself new technology as like most old people she’s not dim. The other is still driving, gets herself to appointments and phones for advice re tech in reasonable hours. We have power of attorney for both. Check finances but all in good order. Both have the finances to pay for intimate care at home should it be needed. It isn’t.

I really am not likely this assumption that once old you turn into needy vegetables reliant on children for everything. Of course when very ill you may need support but many old people can and do live for years able to be very independent. I think loneliness can be an issue but towns and rural areas have plenty on.Both our mothers get out most days. If anything I wish they’d reach out more. That said I am fully prepared to be the same- living a full independent life for as long as possible.

The idea that anywhere other than cities can cater for the elderly is ridiculous. The last place I’d want to live when old is a city. Our mothers love their gardens, their houses and towns, villages, suburbs etc all have plenty to offer the elderly.

What does being supported mean?

am I supporting my mother by occasionally giving her a lift ? Occasionally giving her some tech support? Or am I just being a normal daughter with a normal healthy relationship ?

the question would be perhaps “how many people especially daughters are fulfilling a caring role for their parents “

Support as in unpaid caring role is what I read that poster meant - wouldn't be living independently without it. Changing the bedding, doing the shopping, laundry, cooking and cleaning. Taking to all appointments etc. either Becky they are refusing other support options (paid care) or there isn't decent public transport they can access. I saw so many unpaid (mainly female) carers at their wits end caring form people who really needed formal care but wouldn't have it.

But you haven't relocated to were you are at 65?
I wish people would read and stick to the point. At 65+ it isn't the best decision to move to somewhere with less infrastructure, services, not knowing anyone, bad public transport etc. Judging by the posts that will start soon, it'll mean at least three days staying with famliy for Christmas or the selfish attitude that people should come to you. If someone decides to do it then they need to realise that famliy help and connections might not be as possible. A care home might be needed, or longer hospital stays, because of a lack of social care. The house not being suitable in later years and another move. Loneliness and isolation is a big issue as libraries and community groups went and the demographics of the local population changed.

I would say that they are incredibly fortunate and possibly outliers - and then you mentioned you have power of attorney for both, which is only something you have if the person is a little bit 🤏vulnerable, so maybe they aren't 30 year olds after all.

No one is being ageist here - facts are facts.
Please read the room .

Every adult should have an lpa in place. It has nothing to do with the person in question being vulnerable and everything to do with good planning and understanding the unpredictability of life.

I get what you are saying, but truthfully it's not the first thing one does as soon as they hit 21 - I suspect it's something most think about as you age , like writing a will . Sensible yes, common, no.

@1itt1e1ie I didnt say all, I said how many. No longer being able to manage technology doesnt mean someone is 'dim' (your word, not mine) but can be a symptom of cognitive decline.

No longer being able to manage previously familiar technologies was, in hindsight, one of the earlier symptoms of my DM's decline. She wasnt stupid, she had the misfortune to develop dementia.

We all have LPAs, including my young adult children.

My parents, aging far away from services in an isolated location, haven't got an LPA. That's what happens when you move far away (they also move to another country to find their isolation) from anyone who could be your LPA.

I think this person is unwittingly doing older people an injustice with their I'm alright Jack attitude. It's like people proposing help for disabled people and this 👆 person saying my paraplegic friend is a Paralympic medalist and doesn't want or need your help i hope I'm not offending anyone with this analogy 😳 It's fairly obvious that not all 80 year olds , but to be so offended that a decent chunk of them will obviously need more help is being disingenuous I feel.

Why haven't they got an LPA? The attorney can still be consulted over the phone!

Believe me, it's been investigated and I did all the work for that. I have offered to be LPA for what can be done over the phone but they're not following up on that because they think, why bother? I'm not able to be jetting around the way they would like me to.

Until you experience it, it can be hard to appreciate the speed at which the domino effect can turn a person living with gentle family support into someone totally dependent.

You dont necessarily get a 'heads up' that it is time to move closer to support.

I'm coming up to retirement. I can see the appeal of taking a pension lump sum/selling the family home and going off to do the things you have always wanted to do but have never had time for.

The difference is that I can see it is a fantasy. Running my large allotment tells me that running a smallholding successfully would only last a handful of years. A slip, a fall could end it in a moment.

The problem isnt whether someone moves into the country or the city. The problem is moving away from familiarity, from potential support just at the point where the need for those things could be just over the horizon.

Which is why when I was practicing clinically, I ALWAYS advised families to decide and to be clear in discussion about what they would be able to do and what they would not and I would always have conversations with the relatives about the realism or otherwise of what their elders had said about what family would do. I became adept at this kind of conversation without breaching confidentiality! people of any age who are mentally competent are capable of understanding that their choices have consequences, indeed that is a defined part of any test of capacity. Neverthe less, they are THEIR choices and not what other people would choose for them.
I am not sure how moving to a city environment will magically convince older people to have purchased care?

I am an older person myself, with older siblings, all of us live alone and independently. We all have health issues consonant with our age.

For those who are going to say "oh but you have never experienced it as a daughter," I have done this too.

power of attorney for both, which is only something you have if the person is a little bit 🤏vulnerable .... not so .... the advice is to organise this when younger and fit. This is what we did. I would advise anyone to do this ... you can do it yourself for very little outlay and it was a godsend for me when there were life critical decisions to be made for my late OH.

You organise it but it doesn't become active until the conditions are met. So someone with an active POA has reached a vulnerable place.

nope. Every adult has the right to decide whether or not to do an LPA. I agree that every adult should consider it.

Technology really helps. I’m semi retired and have a second ridiculously remote home (hour round trip to nearest shop). DH and I currently spend around a third of the time there. Currently my mid ‘80’s parents are there. I’ve looked out the window via Tapo, checked the temperature inside via Alexa and having an ongoing chat via WhatsApp with my mum.

We registered ours straight away. They were active from Day One.

They have the right to decide. but I would recommend it.

The medics honoured our wishes to let my OH die in peace (via the health and welfare PofA) and organising and paying for his care was simple as I had PofA over his finances. Things would have been far more difficult if these had not been in place.

But they will only come into action if you are incompetent to manage things for yourself. So they aren't active. I am nominated POA for people in my family and they are all registered. I am only acting in the capacity of POA for one of the family members, because they meet the conditions to need support. I can make health and financial decisions for them (though I enable them to do it for themselves as much as possible). I can't do that for the other POAs I am party on.

Active yes, but not usable.

For health and welfare that means loss of capacity to make a specific decision. For finances, it's slightly different but your attorney can't just rock up to the bank and start moving your money about.

I honestly don't understand that at all. So if they end up in hospital unconscious, they would prefer you didn't make the decisions simply because you aren't physically there? Bonkers.

Yes, there certainly are some people over 80 who will be completely independent and running around like a 5 year old, still driving, and doing everything for themselves, but most of them will be starting to need help by then, and would struggle if they were in a small village with no public transport. Doesn't mean they need to live in a city of course! They could live in a small market town.

I would like a spare bedroom in case one of my DC ever needed to come home for a while, or for grandchildren to stay over.