....to think that retiring away from the city is bonkers?

[NewGrandmummy]

Inspired by another thread about moving away from London with small children, I wonder if anyone else has done as I have done, and actually moved back to London (or another major city) as preparation for retirement?

I truly don't understand the 'let's retire to the seaside/a rural smallholding/a tiny village' that seems to be in so many older people's minds. Why do that at a time of life when you will most likely have to give up driving at some point? How will you get to the supermarket/doctor/dentist/hospital/cinema/pub etc?

I'd love to hear from those who've moved out of London/a city for retirement and regretted it, or those who, like me, are moving towards civilisation (rather than away from it) as they get older.

True, Kirsty on Location Location Location always says this to people who discount houses because they don't have enough space for visitors.

I can't't remember the last time I slept over at my Mums, siblings or even friends places.

They forget others have also made lovely homes for themselves and don't want to be in a spare room more than their own bed.

Ha, yes. I really want an annexe for guests rather than a 5th bedroom, because then we can rent it out rather than expect family and friends to be there all the time (and that's in a super popular tourist area).

Plus I will be able to use it as incidental office space to get away when my husband is annoying me, lol.

But you can’t spend your life planning for things that might not happen
Care Homes (and their fees!) are a real bogeyman topic on MN.
I was very surprised to find that less than 15% of over-85s live in care / nursing Homes. That means 6 out of 7 of us won't.

I moved to our present village in south Cornwall when DH and I decided to live together, from London, thinking it probably wouldn't be for long... and I've been here 36 years. So now, being 70, we're planning to move to a cathedral city in the Midlands for our dotage for all the reasons explored here, plus relatives much closer.

No, most won't, but they generally have other supports that help them age in place. If you have no supermarket delivery, no support worker where you live, no family nearby, then you may be more likely to have to go to a home earlier, which maybe you could have avoided completely. When my mother had surgery and had a valid and potentially serious concern, they wouldn't send a nurse out to her because it was at least a 3.5-4 hour round trip for the nurse.

They don't plan for thing that might happen, which is fine and dandy, because they are relying on other people to deal with it for them. They are carefree but no-one else is allowed to be to facilitate their lifestyle.

They don't plan for thing that might happen, which is fine and dandy, because they are relying on other people to deal with it for them.
There's a difference between 'not planning for things that might happen' and 'not spending your life planning for things that might not happen'.
You plan for 'probables', not 'possible-but-unlikely-s'.

Except it's not unlikely they will eventually get to the point they need help, assuming they get old and don't die fairly young. I'm not saying they shouldn't do it but they should think about the future and what the needs might be then. They should plan for that. My parents haven't done this and now they are stuck. Their plan for when they need help is that their neighbour, same age as them, will drive them to the hospital. 'Someone' will take them shopping because people are generally helpful in life. I told her I wouldn't mind taking the elderly neighbour shopping once maybe, but if it became a regular expectation, I'd be annoyed and not do it.

They are already driving when not advised because they don't feel they have a choice.

Their house won't value up to a house closer to services, they haven't got savings, so they are well and truly stuck. They have stuck their head so far in the sand I'm surprised they can breathe.

Sounds tough for them and stressful for you 💐

It's not at all stressful for them as they think everyone in the community will help them gladly and it will work out. For their children, me included, we are just face palming. My expectation is that the day will come that we will have to report them to authorities because they won't admit when they aren't coping.

Living back in a city nope. I live rural, small hamlet, edge of a market town 8 miles from Oxford which has one of the best hospitals. I hate city living having done it for years. There is no peace. You can’t see the stars and wait for ages for a Dr appointment.

While a small percentage of people end up in a CH, I am sure that a much, much higher percentage are receiving care/support of some sort often from the female members of the family.

That happens to city dwellers families too

Their house won't value up to a house closer to services, they haven't got savings, so they are well and truly stuck.
Why are they stuck. Can't they swap mode: from owning (in the 'wrong' place) and thereby release funds so that they can rent (in the 'right' place)?

It's not the same. City dwelling families can organise things like remote meal delivery, supermarket delivery, care workers, someone to transport them to appointments, cleaners, gardeners, etc. Because there are people there that will do those jobs. Those of us with remote families know this isn't going to be an option for our parents as there is no-one to do the job. As I said, when my mother had surgery, they wouldn't even send a nurse out when there were concerns at home because it was about a four hour round trip for the nurse. If she'd been in the city, they'd have come same day. Living in a city is a very different prospect.

They can't afford to rent. They are mortgage free and have enough for day to day living expenses, though it's still tight. Rent is out of the question. My father actually suggested living in a caravan in the city but my mother wasn't having that. She also doesn't want the insecurity of renting and being at the whims of a landlord.

I am hoping that how we are arranged now will work well into old age.

The decision point will be when we cant manage stairs. Our options then will be whether to install a lift or move to single floor living (bungalow or flat). There is surprisingly little difference in the cost.

Our garden is quite small and low maintenance. Our big space is a large allotment. Fortunately we will be able to give that up a bit at a time. We have already earmarked the plot we will give up last: a small orchard of around a dozen trees and 'edible hedges'.

It does but it’s absolutely dire. Manchester has the best PT outside of London but it’s still pretty crap in comparison. I agree with OP but have never actually considered it. FIL retired to the coast and it works for him because he’s able to drive. If he develops any health conditions and has that ability removed from him, he’ll be in trouble as coastal/rural PT is basically non existent.

They can't afford to rent. They are mortgage free
Don't get you. If they have a mortgage-free house then they can convert that current asset into years of future rental payments.
She also doesn't want the insecurity of renting and being at the whims of a landlord.
Not even someone like a Housing Association or a charity in the Extracare sector? e.g. Anchor

Public transport does vary however many rural communities do have decent bus services to hospitals and the like - it’s not rural per se that’s the problem - it’s the specific rural

and also perhaps perception. If you are used to one bus an hour and it’s reliable you might feel that’s great

if you are used to a bus every 10 minutes it might feel less convenient

it’s not rural per se that’s the problem - it’s the specific rural
This, with bells on.
The devil lies in the assumptions and/or detail (take your pick!)

yup. and I believe that the percentage of those who go into care for longer than a year is even less. Its some years ago now but I remember being told on a study day (I used to work in the NHS) that only around 5% of the adult population do anything other than die in an acute hospital admission or at home, after a brief illness. This figure includes all causes of adult death (not covid, this was well pre covid) so the stats are slightly different.

But how many people over 80 are being supported by, mostly female, family members?

They dont show up in statistics. Mum/Dad are still living 'independently' only because they are propped up by increasingly stressed DCs/DCILs.

Distance and difficult access adds to that stress. Phone calls in the middle of the night because they 'feel funny', medical appointments in the middle of the working day which they need help to get to, technology which becomes unfamilar.

We experienced both of @GnomeDePlume 's scenarios. One parent distant geographically (six hours drive, and in poor health but in residential care for unavoidable reasons; the other a bit closer in decent fettle with family to help out. One died a quiet dignified death, and slipped off without a hitch. The other was endless hospital visits, until the NHS said enough (not unreasonable at 94 after eight years of decline and six weeks in an acute geriatric trauma ward -- which is closer to Bedlam than anyone wants to acknowledge). Returned to the care home, she died five hours later. Both trained SRN nurses.

Maybe they'll have to consider it one day but they are making their own choices. Once the money from the mortgage runs out, they'll not be able to afford rent. I guess we'll just have to see what happens if (when more likely) the wheels come off for them. I suspect if they retain cognitive function they'll just let the place become completely unmaintained and run down and die in place. I suppose if it makes them happy, whatever.

I have done 12 years “living the village life”

The “community” tends to revolve around either school, church or alcohol.

Faced with someone who isn’t Christian didn’t have children and doesn’t drink alcohol. I think for most of those 12 years, outside of basic till talk how much/cash or card not a single person spoke to me

Did try to make conversation initially but gave up.

It’s not all friendly villagers and happy community vibes

Spent 6 months back in London and the difference in attitude people have made London a more friendly place than some quintessential English Village