....to think that retiring away from the city is bonkers?

[NewGrandmummy]

Inspired by another thread about moving away from London with small children, I wonder if anyone else has done as I have done, and actually moved back to London (or another major city) as preparation for retirement?

I truly don't understand the 'let's retire to the seaside/a rural smallholding/a tiny village' that seems to be in so many older people's minds. Why do that at a time of life when you will most likely have to give up driving at some point? How will you get to the supermarket/doctor/dentist/hospital/cinema/pub etc?

I'd love to hear from those who've moved out of London/a city for retirement and regretted it, or those who, like me, are moving towards civilisation (rather than away from it) as they get older.

I think one of the most important things as you age is keeping active. Which will hopefully stave off issues around mobility, etc. Obviously there are no guarantees.

Some people might be happy with walking around a city and going to the gym. For me I know to get me motivated to walk I need countryside. I have a dog and I think a dog is the best form of motivation to keep you walking.

My MIL is 92 and lives by herself on a small holding in the middle of nowhere. She still drives to the GP and supermarket. She rides the quad bike around the fields, does the gardening,etc

When I downsized I made sure I chose a house two minutes walk from a corner shop, fifteen minutes walk from large shopping centre, and on a bus route.

I am 61 but I will stop driving when I retire.

Our County runs an "on Demand" bus service. It's sort of like a taxi service: you are not restricted to timetables, you can request the bus at a time and place to suit you. You can book up to 5 days in advance. I've never used it so I don't know how good/bad it is.
After everybody going on about rural buses, I thought we might be unusual but AI tells me that 75% of rural authorities run DRT (Demand Responsive Transport).

My DGPs lovely rural retirement, beautiful garden, grew all their own fruit and vegetables, ended as they so often do with a domino effect of crises.

A minor fall resulted in a fracture which resulted in surgery, a long hospital stay, incomplete recovery, a terminal cancer diagnosis. DGM was left widowed with a garden she couldnt manage. Family helped out where they could but ultimately it had to be sold.

It isnt to say 'dont do it' more to say that there is a good chance it will end in crises and a rush rather than a managed end.

I agree @GnomeDePlume Of course the same kind of scenario can and does happen in more urban settings too but the less robust the existing infrastructure, the more likely it is. I've recently witnessed an elderly couple in my extended family "refuse to give up their independence" but I'd say it's more like a stubborn refusal to acknowledge the ageing process and make lifestyle changes accordingly. I also don't think they recognise that they are not in fact truly independent any more and that it is creating a huge amount of work for their children and by extension, negatively impacting on their grandchildren too. They are reaching crisis point now which is pretty horrible for all concerned, and almost certainly could have been avoided or at least reduced by a bit of planning when they were younger.
We've realised that this could easily be DH and I in 20 years time if we cling to our current lifestyle for too long and we really don't want our DC to be put in that position. So we plan to downsize and move to somewhere with more facilities sooner rather than later - certainly by the time we are 70 but probably earlier. It won't be a city or even a big town but definitely somewhere with public transport and things like basic shops, GP surgery in easy reach which we don't currently have. Yes, we might end up sprightly 90 year olds still driving perfectly safely and doing everything for ourselves but statistically that's fairly unlikely and I'd rather make decisions for myself when I can do than wait for the all too common crisis situation.

She specifically says she doesn't understand the mentality of 'let's retire to the seaside/a rural smallholding/a tiny village'.
I think for 'city' in her posts you can read 'or town with good facilities', don't you?

My parents have a 7 seater bus option once a week. You have to book in advance. I guess if it's full, you're out of luck? I'll intervene with contacting services when a crisis they'll probably refuse to acknowledge hits.

I live right by the seaside on a nature reserve. She included 'seaside' in her post so I think my response is pretty relevant, given my sea view and the Heron sitting at the end of my garden right now.

The UK is geographically tiny, most rural places are still a reasonable distance from a town and facilities.

To each their own though. Lots of us like outdoor life and activities and still intend to do those into retirement.

What if you don't live in a city in the first place? Not everyone does you know.

Who are all the people who think living by the sea automatically means having no amenities? I live right on the coast. It's an island actually, attached to the mainland, and the town that we are technically part of, by a bridge. The town is a normal working town, it just happens to be on the coast. It has a large hospital, umpteen GP surgeries, dentists and opticians. We have a GP practice on the island too. We have all the essentials but we also have the beautiful coastline, peace and quiet and 2 widely acclaimed nature reserves to enjoy.

OP asked for posters who had moved out of cities and regretted it. I don't think they were assuming everyone lives in cities.

It's a shame the OP didn't engage with the thread as I have found it very interesting.

There’s another point …. Moving is inherently stressful. I am so glad we did it when reasonably strong, fit and healthy. Our choice was to be further into the central part of the capital because we like it. Wherever one chooses…. it was still an enormous undertaking….going from the larger family home, all the admin involved, finding new GP, dentist, all the notifications you have to give, estate agents, solicitors…..and downsizing, even though I accept we were very fortunate to have been able to buy a large flat. I can’t imagine how hard it would be in, say a decade. (I am 65). The elderly often find decisions around what to keep or not very stressful. The experience of moving can be confusing and scary so they cling to the familiar. We moved DM at nearly 90. The process was very upsetting for her and nearly broke me. But she’s now living her best life, in an independent flat but within a supportive community on-site , everything close by, not very far (so she knew the area) from her original place which was isolated.

But you also need to recognise that your situation isnt everyone situation.

I live in a small town. I don’t have a heron in my back garden. But I also don’t have a buss that takes me to the GP, a supermarket, the hospital.

Youre also talking from the pov of someone who has good (full?) mobility. Going walking etc is anazing WHEN you can do it. Shops only 1 mile away is amazing IF you can walk 2 miles carrying the shopping etc….. Having internet delivery from supermarket is fantastic if you’re happy to order online (both my MIL and my parents wouldn’t dream to do that) and you can afford supermarket prices vs Lidl or Aldi prices.

I’m here! I’ve been reading with interest. Of course I’m not saying that everyone should live in London, just that maybe we should all be more realistic about what we will actually need, rather than just want, in later life.

Well I suppose I qualify in that I have lived in 2 cities and deliberately moved away, just not to retire.
I also think the OP has no concept of how millions of people manage to live well in the swathes of the country that aren't inner city or right out in the wilds. But the point of my post was to point out the ridiculousness of this widely held view that "the seaside" automatically means back of beyond/place with no amenities or facilities to support a normal, functioning population.

I can think of two instances where people were obliged to move again;
former parish priest already had a lovely holiday cottage in the wilds of Yorkshire; many happy holidays there, knew the locals etc., so retirement there seemed the obvious move. However. the reality of living somewhere only accessible by narrow country lanes, in the depths of winter, became untenable.
My former headmaster was evacuated to the coast of East Anglia during the war, and treasured memories of his time there; the dream was always to leave the hustle and bustle of London behind one day. Again, this started well, but he then began to suffer health problems, and realised that medical emergencies could be a problem when their "closest" neighbour had to be transferred to hospital by helicopter. They moved again, to a small cathedral city, which worked out much better in terms of transport links and access to amenities.

It’s your definition of later life that I find difficult - you may have decades left at retirement of good health

and you idea that amenities are only found in big cities

yes it’s quite probable that at some point one needs - or at least life is a lot easier - with amenities and family close by but no one knows when that time will come or how it will arrive - a a crisis or a drift

and the idea that you should life your life in fear of what if at some point in the future than grabbing every opportunity you can in the now seems daft because you won’t get the time back

some people like to cross bridges when they get there

some people like to cross bridges when they get there

And some people like to plan ahead to save other people an awful lot of trouble!

I am 65, live on a small city. I don’t do online food shopping (except once when DH and I both had Covid), I intend to continue driving to the supermarket as long as I am able. Gets me out of the house and pushing the trolley is good exercise. And I have lots of supermarkets to choose from. Co op around the corner, Aldi and Lidl within walking distance, Tesco (my preferred supermarket), Waitrose and Morrisons a few minutes away and Sainsbury’s and Asda a little further.

I know an elderly couple who moved away from everyone they know to live by the sea. They are some of the most kindest, generous people in the world, which makes them a magnet to the ruthless.

I bet you can't guess what happened when they made friends with a poor, vulnerable feral family, in an attempt to build a community 😣. They are now quite distrustful of newcomers because they really supported and also depended on this family.

They no longer drive and are 3 trains and 4 hours from everyone they know 🥺.

But you can’t spend you life planning for things that might not happen

although perhaps the issue is expecting someone else to pick up the pieces if things go wrong for you ?

if you expect someone else to be helping you, don’t move hours away from them ?

But you can’t spend you life planning for things that might not happen
But in this case it is going to happen isn't it? Well to most of us anyway. If we don't die young, we are going to grow old, and for the vast majority of people ageing is going to involve at least some physical and/or cognitive decline whether we like it or not. There aren't many David Attenboroughs around but there are lots of people like my widowed next door neighbour who was on the phone to me this morning needing help before I was out of my pyjamas, and my husband's elderly relatives who are declining rapidly in a big house that they cannot maintain or even keep clean but who insist they are "fine". Well things are always fine until they're not, and unfortunately they can be very hard to change at that point.
Planning for old age doesn't have to mean moving into a warden controlled flat, giving up everything you enjoy and watching trashy tv all day as soon as you retire, but too many people stick their heads in the sand and refuse to face things that might not be 100% guaranteed but are actually very likely to happen.

Yes but growing old at 60 or 65 seems like giving in

living well into your 80s is common in many societies and should be your goal

you wouldn’t advise a 20 year old to worry about later life - 10 or 20 years is a long time

Now THAT I do agree with wholeheartedly. I watch Escape to the Country with disbelief as these late 60s couple buy a 5 bed home with half an acre garden and a paddock which is "just a 10 minute drive to the village which has a community shop" or "30 minute drive to the nearest town which has a post office" and I think "wow, you are really bonkers, what happens when you can't drive and have to rely on non existent buses?".

Yes exactly, to each their own as I said. My grandparents lived rurally my whole life, before online shopping existed. It's possible to have a full life with good friends and activities wherever you live.

We are all different, people who thrive on city life might not understand the joy we can get from a slow life. The post is obviously aimed at those city people. I'm in my 40s and can't think of anything worse than living in a city 🫣😆

You could live in a city and be housebound and unable to go to the supermarket even if it’s next door.

guess when things get that bad you either go in a home or very often get home help in.