Would you be able to move past this?

[Beeenalsvwe]

recently started dating after a few years off. Usually go for professionals in high flying careers but this time I really felt something for a writer/poet. He has no money (not really a factor for me as I have my own money and not looking to combine finances with anyone anyway). He’s lovely in lots of ways and I fancy him. But.. his poetry isn’t good. Some of it is ok. But it’s definitely not (in my opinion) as good as he thinks, by a long way.

He will send them to me and say ‘this is a nice poem I wrote’ or ‘this was a good one.’ They’re not terrible but he’s thinking of trying to get them published and I put one into ChatGPT and they said it was written by someone the age of 18-25. He’s 49.

I don’t know if this is ridiculous and I should just be happy he’s happy writing. I think it’s the delusion I struggle with. And this idea he’s really good when I’m really not sure that’s the case.

How would you feel?!

no to bad poetry. aargh.

Personally, probably not. The delusions about career prospects would matter less to me. Its an incredibly difficult area to succeed in even if your work is good, and if finances were seperate it wouldn't effect me.
However, if he's serious, what he produces likely had his heart and soul in it, and I couldn't be with someone if I couldn't respect their work of that nature. Even if it wasn't to my taste, I'd need to share his view it had worth. Tbh, he'd probably want that too, so you would need to tell a lot of fibs and patronise him, which isn't a good basis for a relationship.

@Beeenalsvwe He should dump you. As previous posters have said you shouldn't be asking LLM's anything about anyone's art that they've created as it scrapes their data and will use it for whatever minimising human accomplishment it does.
I hope he finds someone decent.

If this man is 49, with no real job, other than selling a few paintings on behalf of someone else, then I'd be moving on to someone else. The poor writer, struggling to get anyone to notice his work, wears thin when someone is 49!

It depends, if you see a future with this man? Relationships have to evolve. If you're happy to never live with him or entwine your finances, then you could continue to date him. The issue will end up being money though, you'll end up paying for the bulk of dates, weekends away, days out etc because he'll never have any money to do these things, if he can barely make ends meet some months.

The fact he lacks self awareness about it is a signal he'll lack self awareness about other important things. It basically suggests he's not that intelligent and also self indulgent. Watch for this.

Hang on - so his job is selling art although he doesn’t make a lot of money and he writes in his spare time, not for money. That means poetry is his hobby. Why does he have to be good if he enjoys it? I work in one field and am a musician, I’m not a concert level musician, I just enjoy playing.
I don’t think he is for you.

Some of these poets, especially the females ones, did not become famous until after death. I secretly think part of why they became famous is their tragic ends.

The lack of self awareness at that age would give me the massive ick

Send him this back.

I met a bloke
Who couldn't write
It's not a joke
He's really shite
I hate to say
He'll have no luck
But hey, okay
We can fuck.

Depends on what you want in 10-20 years. If you want to float around with a bohemian man who can barely make ends meet—crack on.

If you want to travel and do all of the retirement activities that society generally aspires to do—dump him. He won’t be able to achieve these milestones, so you’ll either be doing them alone or funding him, which are both recipes for resentment. Do you want to house him in old age?

My exh has at least 3 books of fairly awful poetry he’s self published. We are most certainly not laughing WITH him.

I don't think you have the right to give his personal work to AI. That is very very unfair of you and quite nasty.

Keats knew he was dying in February 1820 (age 24) when he coughed up blood and declared, "That drop of blood is my death warrant".

He deeply feared and suspected he would die young.

No but poetry written by anyone makes me cringe so would be a hard no from me.

I don’t think this relationship is for you. The way you framed things as that you usually go for ‘professionals with highflying careers’ and now are with a writer/poet is a bit reductive and sets people up in a hierarchichal form. You fed his work into ChatGPT because you needed to know if it was any ‘good’. I suspect you’d be happier with someone whose work is deemed ‘good’ by the majority. I think you’re maybe looking for that high-fliedness. That’s up to you and you are free to choose as you wish.

If his poetry was any good and worthy of being published, surely it would’ve been by now? He’s 50 - he’s had an extra 20-odd years to improve on 25-year old Keats, for example.

It doesn’t sound like a penniless, arty, self-opinionated 50-year old is for you OP. Not for me either, I’m cringing for you. The sheer awkwardness of having to read shite poems and pretend to be impressed - no thanks!!

I think you’re not that into him. It would never occur to me to put someone’s work into ChatGPT, and I can’t believe you put stock in its opinions. You don’t like his poetry and you don’t value it. I don’t think this will work as a relationship. I don’t think it would be easy to hide how you feel and why should you?
You don’t need a reason to break up with him at this stage.

OP I don’t think this is going to work longer term. It will quickly become apparent you don’t think his writing is much good. How can you be a supportive partner under those circumstances? How could he choose to be with someone who does not value what gives his life meaning? I’d also get fed up of being sent crap poetry to read.

Crikey, all these posters telling you he would be better off without you...
Raise your bar ladies, this is why you are in shit relationships.
An unemployed, shit poet at 49 years old? I despair.

Let him go @Beeenalsvwe he sounds like he has nothing going for him. Nearly 50 years old. He will end up bleeding you dry.

If he reads too much if his poetry to OP, she'll give him a tragic end. 😂

Great suggestion about how to handle it.

And I agree with the rest of what you say, too. DON'T get me started on the Mona Lisa. It's a woman with a slight smile. EARTH-SHATTERING!!!! 🤣 And it's small, and drab, and dingy. The Mona Lisa can get in the bin.

I love poetry. I also fancied someone who thought he was a poet and then his poetry gave me the absolute ick. I so wanted to like the poems but they were just terrible. It's a perfectly legitimate reason for you to leave. Though don't tell him. It will crush his romantic soul.

🤣🤣

His spelling's bad
His grammar's worse
It’s pretty sad
A text-based curse
He uses "there"
Instead of "their"
But I don't care
When in his chair.

He text me "hay"
And "wat u up 2"
I sighed, "Okay,
I’ll just corrupt you."
No Shakespeare prose
Will clear his head
But goodness knows
He's good in bed.

So let him botch
The written word
I’ll pour some scotch
And be deterred
From acting like
The spelling police
We’ll take a hike
And find our peace.

I had a similar problem as a teen when I dated someone who would play the guitar at me. I like poetry, I read it, I go to readings and slam poetry events. I watch poetry on YouTube. I still wouldn’t want to have to give praise on poems read or emailed to me prefaced with “this is a good one”. I worked with a guy for a few months (middle aged if it matters) who was a “poet” and would randomly read out poems he had written. They were definitely in the “Pandora - I adore ya” class rather than creative genius that I simply didn’t get as I’m too emotionally unattached or am intellectually lacking. I found it cringe and I don’t want to arrange my face into an “oh wow, did you write that! Amazing!” expression for anyone older than about 7 unless it is a genuinely felt reaction. At least he had the decency to be full time employed. Maybe your chap marvellous and simply not recognised as such in his time. Maybe he’s an unemployed/underemployed wastrel collecting UC while he tinkers about in the arts because he could never do anything a dreary as be a net contributor. Either way it sounds like you’ve got the ick.

I've known many manly men, and not one of them has been a poet. I like my men to be men. Commanding and in control of situations when need be, sensible, down-to-earth, and full of common sense. And a good dollop of physical strength. Firemen 😍

I imagine male poets to wear purple velvet frog coats with white lace poking out from the sleeves, and a white lace jabot (like a long cravat), and to shriek and jump on a chair when there's a mouse, and to be quite sickly. A male poet would need to be carried out of a burning building by a fireman.

Possibly I'm being unfair.