Would you be able to move past this?

[Beeenalsvwe]

recently started dating after a few years off. Usually go for professionals in high flying careers but this time I really felt something for a writer/poet. He has no money (not really a factor for me as I have my own money and not looking to combine finances with anyone anyway). He’s lovely in lots of ways and I fancy him. But.. his poetry isn’t good. Some of it is ok. But it’s definitely not (in my opinion) as good as he thinks, by a long way.

He will send them to me and say ‘this is a nice poem I wrote’ or ‘this was a good one.’ They’re not terrible but he’s thinking of trying to get them published and I put one into ChatGPT and they said it was written by someone the age of 18-25. He’s 49.

I don’t know if this is ridiculous and I should just be happy he’s happy writing. I think it’s the delusion I struggle with. And this idea he’s really good when I’m really not sure that’s the case.

How would you feel?!

@Wingwalk “And, of course, caught a mouse.”

A very important detail!!

I've caught a mouse.
I've caught it in a Beavertown Neck Oil glass
And I've slid a New Statesman underneath it.
It is trapped.

Well, I think that just shows a lack of confidence in her own judgement. I can relate! But would urge OP to listen to her instincts on this one.

You can’t build a future on uncertain ground. It will get to you after some point. Not being able to go out for food or events etc. it’s all charming at 20, not so much when he’s getting close to sixty.

I had a date or 2 with a guy who wanted to be a writer. I didn't have any more dates after he showed me his bad poems. Yuk. Just imagine having to find polite things to say about them, ongoing.

Your idea of a poet is rather unrealistic! The fact that you've known manly men and none of them have been poets doesn't prove that poets can't be manly. You just haven't moved in those sort of circles. Believe it or not, a man can be a man and also be literate and good with words.

In the nicest way if you’re asking at all and given you opened with your preferences that sound the opposite to an artist/ writer and don’t ever plan on pooling money I’d say you could be in for a rough time!!!

“I imagine male poets to wear purple velvet frog coats with white lace poking out from the sleeves, and a white lace jabot (like a long cravat)”

The First World War poets would’ve been in uniform fighting.

His poetry aside, never date men who piss around and can't generate enough income to live on. I love creative types but they need to be responsible enough to have their life together. They don't have to be rich but not even breaking even in his day job is a red flag.

I don't know why people piled on the OP for this. People ask AI about everything, all the time. It's a bit daft to think that poetry is so rarified and esoteric that it's gauche to even ask about whether a poem is actually any good.

The answer will come, as they always do, from a mass of existing information and opinion. It will consider the technical stuff about the way the poem is constructed, along with the words and meaning.

If AI came back with something along the lines of 'this is actually an incredibly accomplished piece of work that speaks of someone who has honed their poetic craft carefully to magnificent effect, etc etc.' then yep, the OP might think that this bloke isn't a complete waste of time, because he's probably quite good at the thing he's trying to do.

All that said, it's also completely acceptable to read something and decide for yourself simply whether you like it or not. Poetry really isn't for everyone.

Thank you for that. While it sounds 'fancy' (sorry, not trying to be rude), that's just another way of saying: how to lay out text(!) and choosing words to invoke imagery... Well, yeah! That's what words do. And not all poems even rhyme or have to follow a set structure. This is (currently) the only 'art' form that I don't feel is actually art. Not any more so than effective speech writing anyway. Just an opinion.

It doesn't mean I can't enjoy reading it. But I also enjoy reading about nature. I don't necessarily call what I'm reading art.

I agree with a lot of what you said. I don't see lyrics as poetry because they're written alongside melody / the structure of a song - like the face on top of a skull 😂 - superb example.. I remember when you often never had access to lyrics. They were often not provided. Maybe a few songs had lyrics in the album sleeve. But yes, it's subjective.

I liked it when they printed lyrics in Smash Hits!

I used to LIVE for that! Seeing the lyrics of a song printed out felt like a superpower

I think being put in a position of giving feedback/ appreciation could become tedious very quickly when it's making you cringe a bit.
Yanbu.

Lifelong crush on Jeremy. Sadly, as a creative boho type myself, I have dated and loved many, many Jeremys plus a fair few super Hanses .
it’s very rare that their talent or ego has led them to sustainable income and they often use their Jeremish charm and between the sheets talent to disguise the fact they have little else to offer.
im a sucker for them but thank goodness as I’ve got older and become stable and secure myself I’ve given them far shorter shrift than I would have previously given.
I don’t want to be a surrogate mum or landlord to a cocklodger and I don’t want to constantly pander to their ego every time they make something they think is worth 9k but is so niche that they never sell it but still won’t get a real job because they are artists and don’t want to be sell outs.
invariably they prefer someone younger and more star struck to play tinkerbell to their Peter Pan and good bloody riddance

Not going to work - you won’t respect him and it’s already giving you the ick when he sends one saying this is good and you disagree

I used to be involved in a regular poetry event, there was some beautiful work there and some real absolute knobheads, the buttlicking that went on used to make me cringe, I write (when I’m in distress usually, trying to process something ), and I appreciate it as an art form but it’s incredibly subjective.
some people like to bleed all over the audience, no consideration or trigger warning and I felt it made some people vulnerable , but it seemed that the more they exposed themselves the more the audience lapped it up, the poets who expressed the most suffering were treated like celebrities, it felt really unhealthy to me and i backed away .
its a shame because it felt like a lot of good stuff fell by the wayside because it wasn’t dangerous enough

Well, if poetry is so low-skill-set, why can't you write a good one and sell it for a few thousand then?

I think even if his poems were excellent - the fact he openly and vocally tells you he thinks they’re great would be a massive turnoff for me. Ppl who boast about themselves to that extent are either hugely insecure, overly sensitive and constantly in need of validation, or up their own arses, overly sensitive and constantly in need of validation. It would be a no for me.

😂😂😂😂😂 Who says I haven't?? What a silly thing to say!!

It doesn't really matter whether you enjoy his poetry.

I think DH's job is super boring, but he loves it, is good at it, works hard, and progressed up the career ladder. From hearing him on the phone with colleagues I know he is an excellent manager who really cares about his team and wants them to do well.

The actual job a person does and whether it's interests you is not important, it's what it says about them. DH work shows me he is smart, dedicated, hard working, ambitious and caring.

What does your partners job say about them? From what you have written it tells me they are unrealistic, not great with feedback but keeps looking for it anyway, not able to adapt their viewpoint and fixed in this concept of being a poet without actually pursuing it properly

🤣Well, have you?? And if you have, please post it here!!! Got to admit, am absolutely dying to see, if you have. 😋

Widening your preferences? Sure, but did you really have to go straight for a bum?

Your DH has a proper career though. I bet you wouldn't be too pleased or even tolerate it if he was faffing about writing poetry and doing bits of casual work when he felt like it, especially at age 50

I would find this very cringe OP so no judgment from me if it puts you off entirely.

When I was about 20 I went out with a fellow student who had written a novel. He shared it with me and it was dross. I couldn't bring myself to read more than a few chapters, it really made my toes curl. I had to dump him because his earnestness about his utterly abysmal writing rendered him absolutely sexless to me.

As someone who is not his girlfriend I can be supportive of his efforts and commend him for pursuing a passion, but I can't pretend it wasn't the death knell to romantic feeling.