Would you be able to move past this?

[Beeenalsvwe]

recently started dating after a few years off. Usually go for professionals in high flying careers but this time I really felt something for a writer/poet. He has no money (not really a factor for me as I have my own money and not looking to combine finances with anyone anyway). He’s lovely in lots of ways and I fancy him. But.. his poetry isn’t good. Some of it is ok. But it’s definitely not (in my opinion) as good as he thinks, by a long way.

He will send them to me and say ‘this is a nice poem I wrote’ or ‘this was a good one.’ They’re not terrible but he’s thinking of trying to get them published and I put one into ChatGPT and they said it was written by someone the age of 18-25. He’s 49.

I don’t know if this is ridiculous and I should just be happy he’s happy writing. I think it’s the delusion I struggle with. And this idea he’s really good when I’m really not sure that’s the case.

How would you feel?!

That's really rude of you to have put his artistic work into ChatGPT without his permission.
It wasn't yours to put into an AI model that uses what is entered as training content.

You should break up with him - clearly different values.

Feel free to put my doggerel into a chat engine 😂 No need to tell me what it says.

Sometimes AIs write half-decent poems themselves! Google gave me one yesterday, unsolicited. Then it said "Apologies, I went straight into creative mode." Them things is weird.

"Usually go for professionals in high flying careers ..."

Lol.

Sounds like you'd better stick to accountants or management consultants or whatever...how thrilling.

That's what you get for dating a poet! 🤣🤣🤣 I wouldn't date an award-winning poet, let alone a self-proclaimed one! Not that there's anything wrong with being a poet, but I can't imagine being attracted to one. I mean, it's not exactly manly, is it? And someone who thinks he's good and he's not....CRINGING for you, OP!

Go on, OP, post one here! We can always ask MNHQ to delete it later. I wanna see!

What does he do with his poems (other than show them to you)? What makes him think they are any good? Does he read much contemporary poetry? Does he submit his poems to literary journals and are they accepted? Personally, I wouldn't be able to get past bad poetry, especially if he thinks it's good but has no other validation.

Not sure what you mean by 'manly'. I think you don't know many real poets and are thinking of a false stereotype.

Oh, steady on! I HAVE to pull you up on that. Good poetry is one of the most beautiful things the world has to offer. Read these, you shameless heathen! 🤣

"September" by Louis MacNiece

September has come, it is hers
Whose vitality leaps in the autumn,
Whose nature prefers
Trees without leaves and a fire in the fireplace.
So I give her this month and the next
Though the whole of my year should be hers who has rendered already
So many of its days intolerable or perplexed
But so many more so happy.
Who has left a scent on my life, and left my walls
Dancing over and over with her shadow
Whose hair is twined in all my waterfalls
And all of London littered with remembered kisses.”

And this Byron masterpiece.

"When We Two Parted"

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow—
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o’er me—
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well—
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met—
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?—
With silence and tears.

And this one from Emily Bronte about being caught in a coming storm.

"Spellbound"

The night is darkening round me,
The wild winds coldly blow;
But a tyrant spell has bound me
And I cannot, cannot go.
The giant trees are bending
Their bare boughs weighed with snow.
And the storm is fast descending,
And yet I cannot go.
Clouds beyond clouds above me,
Wastes beyond wastes below;
But nothing drear can move me;
I will not, cannot go.

I’d be glad he was expressing himself and allowing himself to be so vulnerable. He sounds like someone you could be happy with. He might encourage you to do the same. With art, it’s often the process rather than the end product. Give it a go yourself.

Is the problem that you and AI think for a man of his age his poetry suggests emotional immaturity and/or a poor ability to express feelings? So not so much the quality of his work but the underlying character flaws?

If he is emotionally intelligent in all other ways, just a bad poet you could just tell him his writing style is not to your taste. He’s not the first person to be deluded about their own talents. Karaoke nights have their fair share. But it seems he is way more invested in his ability than seeing it as a hobby.

His financial position would be more of a concern to me. If he isn’t adequately supporting himself and making provision for his old age which isn’t far away now, perhaps that’s another sign of emotional immaturity. More immediately important, for me, would be how the huge difference in income would limit what I would be able to do with him unless I paid for everything. The months he barely breaks even would mean staying home the whole time unless you paid. That would wear thin very quickly. Just envisage all your dates being shut away at home while he reads his poetry to you 🤭

OP, you're entitled not to like the poetry. Trying to get AI to pronounce on its merit is a massive red herring for all the reasons others have pointed out, though.

Why are you even trying to get an objective opinion on something fundamentally subjective- and using that as a proxy for something even more subjective and more important, which is whether or not you actually like him?

It seems clear you don't, or not enough. You seem a bit dismissive of him generally- on his job, do you mean he's an art dealer? If so, you've described it in a rather harsh way!

He's not doing it for you, and that's fine. Dating isn't like professional development- you don't have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Throw him back, move on and resolve not to get distracted by irrelevant side issues next time.

I think he sounds quite interesting. I wouldn't be bothered about lack of money and fanciful ideas as long as we had a good time together. It would be different if you were thinking of setting up house together and pooling resources but, as things stand, it could be quite fun and certainly something different.

A man of that age who hasn’t got a sustainable income would be a no.

At least David Brent has a full time job!
I'd give this one a miss OP.

You’re taking ChatGPT seriously about something like that, but you’re criticising his capability? And when you say you “go for” high flyers - what do you do, hunt them out and then take them down with bow and arrow rather than meet them on the ground in genuine human mutual exchange?
In all seriousness though, OP, it’s clear you don’t like him enough and you’re getting the ick. I say let him go 👀

I think the 'disloyalty' of writing this post means that he is not for you. I couldn't put something like that into written words if I meaningfully cared about the person.

Great point.

Beautiful @CrazyMidget ! Emily Brontë was a particular treat. Be schooled ye ruffians!

You're not compatible because you don't respect him.

Think of it as music on paper @Awkwardisfunny 😁 I like it. Bad poetry isn’t fun though!

This 👏

I think the fact you say you usually go for high flying intellectuals is the key here. He is totally the opposite and I think you deep down are struggling with this. If you truly liked him you would just accept him for what he is. As for Chat GPT I wouldn’t pay alot of attention to this. I don’t think he is the man for you as you wouldn’t be questioning him. Maybe move on.

To be fair, they didn’t say they were intelligent. They might recognise they’re as thick as 2 short planks and therefore realise it would be catastrophic to date someone even dumber than they are!

Same with the finance - they might be minimum wage so therefore won’t date anyone earning less than that (eg part time/not working).

He's another egotistic middle aged man. Plenty of them out there. Great that he has a hobby. Not so great that he forces it onto you. Push him to chase publishers. The rejections might deflate his ego a little.

No. I wouldn't be able to respect a poor struggling artist at his age, especially when the art isn't even good.
Plus the longer you are together the more it will be expected you fund his life. When you retire all the money will be from you. And you will still have to pretend to like his shit poems.