Would you be able to move past this?

[Beeenalsvwe]

recently started dating after a few years off. Usually go for professionals in high flying careers but this time I really felt something for a writer/poet. He has no money (not really a factor for me as I have my own money and not looking to combine finances with anyone anyway). He’s lovely in lots of ways and I fancy him. But.. his poetry isn’t good. Some of it is ok. But it’s definitely not (in my opinion) as good as he thinks, by a long way.

He will send them to me and say ‘this is a nice poem I wrote’ or ‘this was a good one.’ They’re not terrible but he’s thinking of trying to get them published and I put one into ChatGPT and they said it was written by someone the age of 18-25. He’s 49.

I don’t know if this is ridiculous and I should just be happy he’s happy writing. I think it’s the delusion I struggle with. And this idea he’s really good when I’m really not sure that’s the case.

How would you feel?!

How would I feel?

Just like you do OP!

@Beeenalsvwe I would encourage him to try and get them published. He’ll soon realise if they are good or not.

Then maybe encourage him to get a job.

You’ve already got the ick. Move on!

I suspect his relationship history will tell you he has been around this loop many times. He doesn’t seen to have a commercially creative bone in his body, his art sales is just retail and he’s seemingly not very competent at that - he probably has operated in the struggling artist just about to ‘make it’ persona for decades - basically a grifter who gets some transient relationship traction based on ‘hope’ which inevitably runs out of road.

OP's boyfriend's already been alive too long to be a real poet, then 😂

I'm not sure all your critics have realised they're supporting your opinion, @Beeenalsvwe. This bloke hasn't been recognised as competent at 25, 30 or 35. He's had way longer than the examples given, yet still not applied himself to honing his craft.

In answer to your query - no, I couldn't. Even if his work were objectively great (which, by current evidence, it isn't) but I didn't like it, I'd be worn down by the effort of finding something nice to say that wasn't dishonest.

What with praising his own poetry and dealing unsuccessfully in art, he sounds very happy living in delusion. Great for him, if he can afford to. It's not great to feel obliged to prop up his self-fantasy, emotionally or financially.

How about telling him his poetry really isn't your thing?

I expected OP had been doubting herself. She likes the man but his poetry's important to him, and she thinks it's crap. She figured she'd ask a robot for a critical assessment of the work, maybe hoping it would point out some masterful subtleties that she'd missed. Then she might be able to view the poems in a new light, see what he's getting at and respect his talent.

Unfortunately, that isn't what happened.

Likely just claiming benefits and us tax-payers are covering his ‘bumming around lifestyle!’

Will be a bit tricky for you with your intellectual might to carry this through given you won’t date someone who is ‘financially inferior’ and also won’t date anyone with less money 👀

YANBU OP. You can break up with someone for whatever reason you like.

I read several different things in you OP that would have me running for the hills, to be honest.

Juvenile poetry at 49 indicates a lack of self awareness and honesty.

The way he's sending you lots of pieces - presumably you at least say something along the lines of how nice it is - sounds like he is looking for someone to constantly stroke his ego, which gets wearing quick.

And you don't really like the thing he positions as being his big thing - that sounds like a fatal mismatch, even if he were actually a brilliant undiscovered poetry talent.

Yes this is probably what is getting under OPs skin but she hasn’t quite got a handle on it delusion and grandiosity - a shocking combination alongside zero talent - it’s the inauthenticity that is making you cringe.

Oh 💯 If there's anything in the world that can make me feel like an uncultured hack, it would be poetry - so if I didn't like understand it , I would think it was me being an ignoramus .

A broke poet could possibly be charming and endearing if he was a 22 year old brooding mysterious young man with a French accent. But this guy is 50. It’s tragic. Get a job and contribute to your pension ffs.

Many years ago, when I was 22 I went out for a while with a Welsh version of this. He looked like a young Jim Morrrison and was fantastically sexy. Until I found out he wrote shit poetry, had never left Wales (and had no plans to), and intended to stay on the sick for life (he was not sick). Reader, I dumped him. I can't even imagine entertaining a 50-year-old version.

Let him enjoy his poetry. Learn to say things like, “Wow, you must have worked really hard on this!” “I never thought of ___that way.” “What poets do you like to read? Can you tell me what you like about their poems?” Pick out something (anything) to admire, “I like the image of the fox under the maple tree.” And you can give feedback without shutting him down completely. “Maybe think about using a verb instead of an adverb here.” “I’m not sure what you want the reader to get from this poem. Would revising make it more clear?”

Maybe even suggest he take poetry or creative writing class or join a group where several poets get together to read and workshop each other’s work. It would take some of the pressure off you.

I have taught poetry and been a poetry editor for a few journals. I had to learn to do these things.

All of this ONLY if he’s otherwise great and you think he’s worth the effort. Good luck. 😘

But the age is surely about idealism/expectations of life and such, not about the immaturity of his writing?

Tbf, I wouldn’t leave Wales if I didn’t have to! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🥰

As a retired academic I would swerve away from having a "writer" as my friend in case they wanted me to give them frank opinions. Easiest way to kill a friendship. I have to read other people's masters and doctoral thesis for a living and they pay me very highly for the privilege.

She pours her heart onto a screen,
flying fingers framing thoughts before she has the chance to think,
emotions forming words: distinct, definite, solid
like lava after the eruption. In wonder,
she reviews the prose etched upon the glowing space;
unnamed feelings now described, discovered, surprised.
Her troubled heart rests empty.
She presses 'Post'.
AIBU?

I could never date anyone who made me read or listen to poetry. I can't stand it.

In other words he’s unemployed yes?

An ex of mine posts poetry on FB and it makes me cringe so bad - it is unbelievably shite, made worse by the fact he signs off with his full name and includes his middle initial (like Donald J Trump 🙈)

I can’t believe I let him touch my vag!

does he have a wang of gold or something?
He's a broke unemployed bad poet almost 50 years old
He is likely looking for a nurse with a purse
Cocklodger
You didn't say where he lives or how he pays for where he lives I reckon he doesn't do that selling a few paintings a month

🤣
Bring back the laughing emoji FFS.

They said that about Keats too! 😀

What would ChatGPT know about good poetry?