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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you be able to move past this?

253 replies

Beeenalsvwe · 05/10/2026 19:42

recently started dating after a few years off. Usually go for professionals in high flying careers but this time I really felt something for a writer/poet. He has no money (not really a factor for me as I have my own money and not looking to combine finances with anyone anyway). He’s lovely in lots of ways and I fancy him. But.. his poetry isn’t good. Some of it is ok. But it’s definitely not (in my opinion) as good as he thinks, by a long way.

He will send them to me and say ‘this is a nice poem I wrote’ or ‘this was a good one.’ They’re not terrible but he’s thinking of trying to get them published and I put one into ChatGPT and they said it was written by someone the age of 18-25. He’s 49.

I don’t know if this is ridiculous and I should just be happy he’s happy writing. I think it’s the delusion I struggle with. And this idea he’s really good when I’m really not sure that’s the case.

How would you feel?!

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 05/10/2026 21:20

Just curious…why did you include the details about his financial position and your thoughts on it if you are not interested in that? Your poetry question does not seem related to the initial details you mentioned.

somanychristmaslights · 05/10/2026 21:24

Everything is subjective though isn’t it. That’s why some people love certain music artists, painters, writers etc, and some people can’t stand them. I look at some famous “amazing” paintings, and I just don’t get it. Just because YOU don’t like them, doesn’t mean they’re not good to someone. And who even cares!! If you liked painting, and he told you they were crap, would you be happy with that, or just enjoy what you’re doing.
if you don’t like reading them, just say “John, I think your poetry is getting lost on me, why not submit them to a poetry group?”

SylvanMoon · 05/10/2026 21:24

How is he supporting himself?

Wingwalk · 05/10/2026 21:25

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 05/10/2026 21:18

I would not date anyone intellectually or financially inferior to me, no. I wouldn't date anyone with less money either.

God if that were my rule I would be single for life 😂😎

pinksheetss · 05/10/2026 21:28

I think it’s more strange you used AI to try figure it out and put his work in there/use it to form an opinion

SylvanMoon · 05/10/2026 21:31

If he's having success in publishing his poetry then it would appear that you'd "like" him better than just someone who is dabbling with poetry for his own enjoyment and sharing some of it with you. He's obviously living with a lower threshold of monetary need if he's selling paintings that sometimes don't make a profit. I think, rather than judge him on the quality of his poetry (which it sounds like you are ill-equipped to do at any rate), you need to evaluate what you're looking for in a relationship with him. And also consider what he might be looking for should your relationship get more serious. Would he want to stop selling paintings in order to devote himself to his poetic endeavours and let you finance both yourself and him? Would you be happy to do this?

bt1234 · 05/10/2026 21:33

Have you posted about him before?
If it's the thread I'm thinking of then I think you just don't like him very much. Which is fine. Just finish with him though

Newstartplease24 · 05/10/2026 21:35

Is he a vogon?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 05/10/2026 21:38

There is a time limit when one uses a passion to launch a career, it hasn’t worked for him and most likely won’t. I’d find it hard to pretend he was talented when he was wasting his time.
It wouldn’t be for me.

CleverlyBeery · 05/10/2026 21:42

Lifejigsaw · 05/10/2026 19:46

How does a 24yo write poetry differently to a 26yo. How odd of AI!

The beauty of a young person's railcard?

O little card, whose paper bears the key
To kingdoms sleeping past the window-glass,
How sweetly cheap the distant world may be
When iron roads invite the heart to pass.

At dawn, the rails like silver rivers gleam,
And fields unfold beneath a tender sky;
The waking towns dissolve into a dream,
While clouds, like wandering islands, wander by.

What pilgrim needs a gilded, winged steed
When three small years are bought for such a sum?
Thou grantest youth the liberty to speed
Wherever restless thoughts may wish to come.

To seaside towns where winter waters sigh,
To ancient streets where bells awake the stone,
To friends whose faces wait beneath the sky—
Thou makest far-off places almost known.

Yet brief is youth, and briefer still the fare
That marks our golden age with twenty-five;
Soon shall the years demand their heavier share,
And full-priced trains remind us we survived.

So keep, dear card, thy place among the things
That made the young heart feel the world was wide:
A little passport to enchanted wings,
A plastic token for the countryside.

kxeil · 05/10/2026 21:49

CleverlyBeery · 05/10/2026 21:42

The beauty of a young person's railcard?

O little card, whose paper bears the key
To kingdoms sleeping past the window-glass,
How sweetly cheap the distant world may be
When iron roads invite the heart to pass.

At dawn, the rails like silver rivers gleam,
And fields unfold beneath a tender sky;
The waking towns dissolve into a dream,
While clouds, like wandering islands, wander by.

What pilgrim needs a gilded, winged steed
When three small years are bought for such a sum?
Thou grantest youth the liberty to speed
Wherever restless thoughts may wish to come.

To seaside towns where winter waters sigh,
To ancient streets where bells awake the stone,
To friends whose faces wait beneath the sky—
Thou makest far-off places almost known.

Yet brief is youth, and briefer still the fare
That marks our golden age with twenty-five;
Soon shall the years demand their heavier share,
And full-priced trains remind us we survived.

So keep, dear card, thy place among the things
That made the young heart feel the world was wide:
A little passport to enchanted wings,
A plastic token for the countryside.

🤣🤣

A third sheared off the cost of every town,
From smoky halts to salt-sprayed, northern shores;
The penny-pinching student, bearing down
Through mist and marsh, unlocks the carriage doors.
No carriage gate denies the nimble hand
That wields this charm of green and modest gold;
It shrinks the vast expanses of the land,
Ere youth departs and blood runs tired and cold.
Between the tea-urn steam and rattling wheels,
A lifetime waits for thirty pounds or less—
A fleeting freedom every dreamer feels,
Hurtling toward the dawn by fast express.

OpheliaHamlet · 05/10/2026 21:53

You clearly have no respect for this man. Do yourself, and him, a favour and cut him loose.
Oh, and for Goodness Sake - stop feeding other people's creative work into Chat GPT.

Makebelieveanotherlife · 05/10/2026 21:54

kxeil · 05/10/2026 19:54

Just because he's older doesn't mean his poetry should get better.

Keats was a poetic genius by the time he died.

Why are you trying so hard to make this guy the next Keats 😅

op that would be a massive ick. A 50yo stuck in hobby ‘jobs’ and living in some delusion that his poetry is actually good.

Laurmolonlabe · 05/10/2026 22:16

kxeil · 05/10/2026 19:46

“I put one into ChatGPT and they said it was written by someone the age of 18-25. He’s 49.”

John Keats is widely considered one of the greatest poets in the English language. He died age 25.

Keta's knew he was dying all the time he was writing- I think that changes the game somewhat.

BigMommasHouse · 05/10/2026 22:19

He will be searching for a nurse with a purse… or somewhere to be a cock lodger. When he realises that you are not going to provide him with finances and a bed, he will drop you like a stone.

Unless you relish the notion of living the lifestyle of an impoverished artist you will be subbing every holiday, meal out, takeaway and bottle of wine. You have your own money and he will not be able to keep up with you or match your very ordinary spending.

Not to mention the massive cringe factor and sheer narcissism. Sorry, but crap poetry would give me the ick.

Thecatspantaloons · 05/10/2026 22:37

BigMommasHouse · 05/10/2026 22:19

He will be searching for a nurse with a purse… or somewhere to be a cock lodger. When he realises that you are not going to provide him with finances and a bed, he will drop you like a stone.

Unless you relish the notion of living the lifestyle of an impoverished artist you will be subbing every holiday, meal out, takeaway and bottle of wine. You have your own money and he will not be able to keep up with you or match your very ordinary spending.

Not to mention the massive cringe factor and sheer narcissism. Sorry, but crap poetry would give me the ick.

Edited

Everything you wrote, especially the last paragraph is where I'm at, sadly. I'm not that keen on poetry in the first place so there's that, but stuff that's not good, yikes 😩. I can't even bear to listen to a 3 minute song I don't like.

Same with writers, musicians, artists - if it doesn't float your boat and they think they're good, my god , life with them will be painfully long.
Imagine dinner parties with your friends.

seahorsessky · 05/10/2026 23:05

Considering some of the best writing is done by 18-25 year olds, I really wouldn't bother with ChatGPT's views.

Wordsmithery · 05/10/2026 23:17

OP, I think you don't really get poetry.

I also think it was a huge breach of trust to put his work through ChatGPT. He trusted you to read his work yourself, not to send it for assessment by AI. It takes a lot of courage to share something you've created and I think that was a betrayal on your part. Plus there are copyright issues with AI, as a PP has said.

You're probably ill matched. You're best suited to another professional while he should seek out a free thinking creative who can be his muse.

SpamelaHamderson · 05/10/2026 23:22

A friend of mine writes “poetry” and I honestly dread her sending me a new one. I want to tell her it’s great, because I don’t want to upset her. But I will be doing her no favours, because she thinks there’s a future in it - and there isn’t even for good poets.

I feel do you, OP.

Olderbadger1 · 05/10/2026 23:24

I've been out with a shedload of poets, writers, and artists (mostly not hobbyists - this was their profession, albeit not a very lucrative one). Some of them were pretty good, some of them really not. I used to work in related fields and can tell the difference. I just couldn't handle the endless white lies when I was asked for my opinion. And I was often asked for my opinion - artists of all sorts need encouragement as do we all. So it'd be a deal-breaker for me unless in every other way he is the man of your dreams OP. And even then ...

Tripled · 05/10/2026 23:26

BigMommasHouse · 05/10/2026 22:19

He will be searching for a nurse with a purse… or somewhere to be a cock lodger. When he realises that you are not going to provide him with finances and a bed, he will drop you like a stone.

Unless you relish the notion of living the lifestyle of an impoverished artist you will be subbing every holiday, meal out, takeaway and bottle of wine. You have your own money and he will not be able to keep up with you or match your very ordinary spending.

Not to mention the massive cringe factor and sheer narcissism. Sorry, but crap poetry would give me the ick.

Edited

18 year old me would have loved the idea of a poet/artist, but I think that romanticism aside, the comment above kind of sums up how I feel.

I'm ignoring the good/bad poetry thing, except to say that I find people being really good at what they do attractive. I don't care what it is particularly: just be bloody excellent at it. That's not the case here, in your view.

It doesn't matter that he wants to pursue his creativity, as long as he's got an income/money of some kind. If he doesn't, then there's no short-notice trips abroad to visit an exhibition or a fabulous meal, or choosing the good wine etc. unless you bankroll him.

It would be very hard to find having no means of paying his way a wildly attractive thing.

BibbityBoppityTwo · 05/10/2026 23:30

Olderbadger1 · 05/10/2026 23:24

I've been out with a shedload of poets, writers, and artists (mostly not hobbyists - this was their profession, albeit not a very lucrative one). Some of them were pretty good, some of them really not. I used to work in related fields and can tell the difference. I just couldn't handle the endless white lies when I was asked for my opinion. And I was often asked for my opinion - artists of all sorts need encouragement as do we all. So it'd be a deal-breaker for me unless in every other way he is the man of your dreams OP. And even then ...

I’ve got a similar history. Currently married to a professional creative. Everyone should be encouraged to have their creative hobbies, but I personally would really struggle with someone who was completely talentless sending me their work on the regular. Poetry is a particularly bad one, because it’s incredibly difficult to write good poetry, but every third person thinks they can. Bad poetry is excruciating. I feel very snobbish saying all this, but I just couldn’t handle it.

whymadam · 05/10/2026 23:30

Don't feed his work into AI, OP - you could make AI worse, and we don't need that.
I know someone similar to this guy. We are 'honoured' with special readings and they are boring. Sympathies.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/10/2026 23:34

Is he Adrian Mole?

SaySomethingMan · 05/10/2026 23:34

Beeenalsvwe · 05/10/2026 20:37

@Wingwalk yes I think I would

Now thats just sad.
Let the guy go.

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