Would you be able to move past this?

[Beeenalsvwe]

recently started dating after a few years off. Usually go for professionals in high flying careers but this time I really felt something for a writer/poet. He has no money (not really a factor for me as I have my own money and not looking to combine finances with anyone anyway). He’s lovely in lots of ways and I fancy him. But.. his poetry isn’t good. Some of it is ok. But it’s definitely not (in my opinion) as good as he thinks, by a long way.

He will send them to me and say ‘this is a nice poem I wrote’ or ‘this was a good one.’ They’re not terrible but he’s thinking of trying to get them published and I put one into ChatGPT and they said it was written by someone the age of 18-25. He’s 49.

I don’t know if this is ridiculous and I should just be happy he’s happy writing. I think it’s the delusion I struggle with. And this idea he’s really good when I’m really not sure that’s the case.

How would you feel?!

Yeah, I don't think he really believes he's a poet(!) - move on!!

Also: poetry is so cringy anyway. It's just saying stuff! Doesn't even have to rhyme! Where is the skill?! Never understood the point of it.

You forgot Lord Byron who died age 36.

@Wingwalk yes I think I would

I think you were experimenting with the non high flier type and it hasn’t worked out. Maybe you would only value him and his art if he was ‘successful’? Either in monetary terms or artistic recognition.

Personally my fanny would be clamping shut with him seeking approval for his work from you - like a 5 year old bouncing in from school with some sort of junk model to show his mum.

I doubt any of your previous high flyers would send you a copy of their data analysis etc for strokes. That’s the excruciating cringe - whether it’s a poem or fence built is irrelevant (except that the fence would carry some ££ value - unless you posted a photo on Chat and they said it was shite and looked to be crafted by someone in 3rd form woodwork class).

You’re done with the experiment. Don’t put either you thru any more toe-curling episodes.

Same..Especially if he was 50.

That is a bad miss! Ty

I would want to go out with someone who has a job. I’m not interested in a lazy dreamer who doesn’t apply themself and then becomes a financial burden on me.

And yes, not being good at what he does is a turnoff for me.

If he uses his spare time to volunteer and do some good / look after young children I might make an exception. Likewise if he is independently wealthy so doesn’t need to work or have financial support.

Does he ask you to lend him money @Beeenalsvwe ?
Does he envisage eventually making money from his poetry?

If you are ok with the overall status quo but don't want to be his poetry critic, tell him you don't think you're "objective enough to comment" or similar.

It would be hilarious to see ChatGPT’s assesssment of Keats!

I hate poetry.

i wouldn’t consider AI a good judge of whether it is any good though.

I just remembered Rupert Brooke who died age 27.

“If I should die, think only this of me:
That there’s some corner of a foreign field
That is for ever England.”

It's a niche issue you're dealing with.

If he insists on reciting poetry to you and you think its shit then its a deal breaker. But if he keeps quiet about it and you just treat it like his work then maybe its ok? Pretend its like being married to someone who works in (in my opinion only of course) a seriously dull job like accountancy. It"s probably something you wouldn't chat on about at the dinner table anyway?

NO!!!

There is definitely something more romantic if a poet dies tragically young!

Not sure why you are assessing a man's poetry standards by asking AI. That is quite insulting. Art is subjective, so you either like and understand his poetry or you don't. His age has nothing to do with it.
That being said, if he is solely relying on his poetry and paintings to finance his life, that would be unattractive to me. Especially if he has no stable job or career. You say he has no money, that will soon become a huge compatibility issue.

This is crazy. You’re using AI to form an opinion on a man. If you don’t like his poetry that’s fine but you’re saying if AI said it was good you would as well. Is there any critical thinking here? I don’t think you’re a good match if you can’t even work out on your own if you like him

Honestly, I'd cringe too hard if anyone sent me their not-great poetry and I was expected to comment on it!

I'd also find it quite unattractive for a 50 year old to not be able to support themselves.

You’re gonna listen to a fucking robot? Seriously what has the world come to. Don’t put them into chatGPT. it isn’t a “they” please give your head a wobble.

Quite honestly, I think that's pathetic. Are you incapable of forming an opinion without having to ask an inanimate, soulless machine whether you're right or not?

I don’t understand - he’s not a poet is he? I mean it’s not his job. He seems unemployed

It would be hard for me to say without reading, but he should have a look at such sites such as submission grinder, Duotrope and Chill subs for submission opportunities and then read around to see which journals match his vibe.
Where does he read poetry? I think it's vital for any writer to be a reader themselves. I would also say to stick to places that offer free submissions. Just a note of Caution, do not share any of his work online without his permission as then it can count as previously published and will often get rejected because of that

Wow! In that case, I don't think you should go out with anyone in the arts.

There really is masses of skill in writing good poetry! There is great skill in choosing words very carefully, and thinking very carefully about how to structure them for effect.

Good poetry makes people think about things they haven’t thought about before, or makes them see things in a different light, or makes them feel something. I love good poetry and good song lyrics; spoken/sung words are an art form I can really appreciate.

But it’s valid not to ‘get it’, not everyone does, especially if they don’t have a real love of language. Many people enjoy visual art- paintings and sculptures etc- that’s a medium that leaves me cold; I don’t feel anything when I look at artwork, I don’t see any meaning in it. But there certainly is meaning in it; the artist intended meaning, and many audiences see it. Just not me; I’m missing an art appreciation gene. So I conclude that you’re missing some sort of linguistics appreciation gene!

Do you enjoy other poetry? I don’t really enjoy it.

I love reading but poetry brings back memories of working through deep poetry at university so I avoid it.

If you really like him, could you tell him that poetry leaves you cold so you won’t be able to discuss it with him or share his love for it?

That way you never have to talk about his poetry again.

I would not date anyone intellectually or financially inferior to me, no. I wouldn't date anyone with less money either.